ZEN WISDOM 1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone. 2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire. 3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. 4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any. 5. No one is listening until you fart. 6. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else. 7. Never test the depth of the water with both feet. 8. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. 9. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. 10. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. 11. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. 12. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was worth it. 13. If you always tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. 14. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield. 15. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time. 16. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket. 17. A closed mouth gathers no foot. 18. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together. 19. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works. 20. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving. 21. Experience is something you don't get until after you need it. 22. Never miss a good chance to shut up. 23. We are born naked, wet, hungry, and get slapped on the ass . . . and then things get worse. 24. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 25. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
I love it! Seen most of them before, but some are new. Here's a few more: I've already made up my mind, don't confuse me with facts - Rossiter As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner sociopath. I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia. I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault. I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself, unless I want to stay employed. In some cultures what I do would be considered normal. Having control over myself is almost as good as having control over others. My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of self-judgment. I honour my personality flaws for without them I would have no personality at all. Joan of Arc heard voices too. I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me. I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper, and complain. As I learn the innermost secrets of people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet. When someone hurts me, I know that forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit, but not nearly as gratifying.
Hey, those are great. Here is a bit of wisdom I found out myself over the past few days: Never eat tacos and drink coffee - unless you're trying to loose weight.
