Things that make you go GRRRRR.... (Part 2)

I hate my life.

My guardian is made redundant and will lose his job soon.
Just when I really trusted him and was looking forward to the future.

Now I'm busy to hope to die from bloodpoisoning from the scratch on my arm.
Oh, yes, and feeling sorry for myself and him as well.

 

Stop scratching your arm. Put some ointment on it and a bandage.

I went into my city today and some random drunk nearly picked a fight with me for no reason (I just walked away). I feel pretty awful now. But I am going to go for a walk then watching a film.

And as Simon said Tommorow is another day. So you might say 'but tommorow will be awful'. Maybe there will be many awful days. I think my tommorow might be kind of awful. But Fair to middling is about the best most people hope for most of the time. I imagine.

 

Oh, I still trust him.
Nearly literally with my life. But that won't change anything.

He needs to look for a new job, so I will lose him in a few weeks max.

He does feel bad, and I know that.
He also is very concerned about me, because he knows how changes are challenging for me and what an extreme that is now.

He tries to make me accept his successor, but even though she's a nice lady - I can't and don't want that at the moment.

We,, he goes home to his family and his life will continue.
And I'm really, really glad that this is like that for him.
He's a good person, who really deserves that.

In the end I'm only his client after all.

No partner, don't even remotely trust my family, can't afford a professional - and my guardian is from the charity I turned to.

Little fun note?
Another guardian, who I sort of like as well, would love to take me in as her client - but she can't.
I have a run here, don't I?

I got the news on Monday, so five days ago.
I still feel just as horrible as I did then.

Only thing that changed: When outside I can again play the tough little soldier, so no one has to pretend to care.
When home again I'm bordering at a mental breakdown.

Thanks.

I guess in the end all whining won't change anything.
But at the moment I can't even care about that and keep filling ******.

I'm not scratching it, it's just rather big and needs some time to heal.

Problem: When training there's a bandage around it but it also starts weeping (this is the word according to my dictionary; oh the irony) and removing the bandage makes it worse again.

It's healing fine anyway. I usually do with everything. My eyes are healing good too (two little bruises and a scrape from training; those Aikidoka we are allowed to train with during the holidays have weird mats lol).

I hope that won't happen to me, because right now I might actually be dumb enough to let it happen.

Only good about tomorrow: I have to see someone, whose cat I'm watching this weekend.
I'm in no mood for it at all, but I have to go.

In the end I will pretend to be fine and hope to get some distraction.

Worked last Tuesday: My teacher had me so sweating and working during training, that I couldn't think and be concerned.


On of my teachers says: "When you want something you'll find a way. When you don't want something you'll find an excuse."

I still hope the find the way, but I don't see it.
I also hope to find it together with my guardian, but his options are limited as well.


Sorry, for everyone who actually bothered to read all this

 

That's so wrong

I'm really jealous. I have a ton of work to do and I really miss living with a cat. It's all a matter of perspective I suppose!

I find animals very therapeutic, and I know lots of other people do too, how about you?

 

It's just a dumb situation: I'm stuck in private healthcare, with the cheapest version possible (and I can't even afford that, but that's not important right now) - and in this version I have to pay a psychologist from my own money.

If I were in statutory health care chances were very, very high they'd pay for it (I already have several diagnoses with personality and behavioral disorders, five I think at the moment, so yeah - they'd pay )

Funny thing is: One of the many, many things my guardian and I were to work on was to find a way to leave the private health insurance and get back into a statutory one.

I have four cats and I really love them.

Which at the moment is the reason I'm glad for every moment they're not close to me, because I'm so edgy and in such a bad mood, that I'm afraid to yell at them

On the other hand: Right now I have two of them lying right next to me and try to take some tranquility out of it; I also cuddle them a lot (the good thing on my cats is: I can do with them whatever I want and they would never ever scratch or bite me, so I can make them my cuddly-puppets )


Overall I think I couldn't live without cats anymore; with no pets at all, I know I couldn't.
I would like to have a dog at some point or also like to have birds again.

The reason I have four cats, was because I got two cats each, when one of my former cats died, so I probably will have cats for the rest of my life lol

 

I love my cats as well.

I'm glad you seem to be feeling better now.

 

I don't.

But I'm good in putting a mask, since I have to do it every day anyway; sometimes it's more effort than at other times.
Now it's the time, where it's exceptional hard in real life.

But it won't help anyone, if I keep whining here.
Only thing that will do is annoy the users.

So I go back to feeling sorry for myself (I hate it, but right now I can't help it), feeling sorry for my guardian since he is one who loses his job and keep trying to get up every day.

 

Better to whine at strangers on the internet than people you have to deal with in real life

 

There really aren't as many for that anyway

That's the reason, why you get the honor in hearing me whine

On a more serious note: Those news actually made me do something I *never* did before: I called someone (okay, only our chaplain, with whom I met once every four to six weeks), because it was too much to handle.

I also talked with two of my teachers about it.

(Tenor from all of the: Don't give up.
Yeah, nice.
Dumb, that I already did and none of them has had a tip of how to not give up lol)

 

Was in a hurry after work to change into my favorite shorts. It was near 90 degrees out. While hurriedly pulling them up I made a new leg hole with my foot. They couldn't handle my level of rock and roll.

 

It's been two weeks now, and I still hate it.

I have had quite some good talks with my guardian (which makes it sort of worse).

I still have no idea, if I will continue with the assistant living, but also still don't feel like it.


I disappointed at least one person with something stupid I did.


And another person of reference will also leave soon - so both people I trusted with some parts of my life (and aren't my teachers) will be gone soon.


I'm having a run.
A little better and I might go postal. Just for the fun of it.

 

Yep, pretty much every sport is covered on tv (most by the interactive service) and if not then it's on the website. All live, all without adverts. Right now I think I can watch all 16 events in session.

An Olympic Grrrrrr - since when did "medal" become a verb? Most of the commentators say "they have a chance of medalling today," or "they medalled four years ago." What happened to "won a medal?" :bang:

 

I walked into my local Starbucks (judge me how you like) and I opened the door for a lady and her baby exiting (she said thanks). 2 girls behind me walked right through/past me, without a second glance and sauntered down to the till. Big smiles on their faces.

Now I'm used to rudeness, being looked down upon and under appreciated. Kinda comes with the job I have so I have developed some thick skin.
But what really gave me the GRRRR moment was when I accidentally listened in on their conversation, and they were mentioning about "disrespect" from other people and how they are above others, due to their morals.
All I had in my head was "what meme could fit well with this?"