Ideas for SD demo for abused women

Discussion in 'Women's Self Defence' started by Remi Lessore, Jul 4, 2014.

  1. Remi Lessore

    Remi Lessore Valued Member


    I am relying on them [the shelter] to tell me what is appropriate. I will put some scenarios to them and see what they say.

    But in the end, we need to start somewhere even if this is not perfect or not start at all, which would be worse.
  2. Mitch

    Mitch Lord Mitch of MAP Admin

    I think this is a good way to go, as mentioned earlier in the thread too. Awareness and avoidance more than physical skills.

    Would any awareness skills be covered in other services/counselling the refuge might offer Dean?

  3. Dean Winchester

    Dean Winchester Valued Member

    Yes but you may not need to start right now.

    You need a sense of trust to be built, IMO, if this is going to be worth a damn. If you are doing it then do it right.
  4. holyheadjch

    holyheadjch Valued Member

    I think you'll find that doing the wrong thing in a self defence course is much worse than doing nothing at all. You should already know that.

    It's the 'taster' element that concerns me the most. If you were running a 10 week programme, you could do a proper slow build up that gives you time to understand and account for the individual needs of these women, but a 'taster' pushes you towards showing these women things that they are not ready for and you wont know beforehand what you need to avoid. You can't just rely on the shelter staff to tell you - you're the self defence expert, you're the one who should understand the potential triggering effect of training on your students.
  5. Remi Lessore

    Remi Lessore Valued Member

    cooper code

    Looking into Cooper Code.

    I am very aware of, and will be very careful about the sharing aspect. But we have to start somewhere.
  6. Dean Winchester

    Dean Winchester Valued Member

    I've had limited exposure but depending on the place certain things are taught but I doubt very much it would be in the same way as we'd think of it. Things like knowing what sets their abuser off, safe places, escape plans, emergency contact lists etc or even how to safely use a phone or PC, as odd as that may sound.

    Surviving an abusive relationship takes a rather different approach to having to deal with Joe Mugger on the street.

    It's not something I'd expect to see from a counselling service.

    I have a very good friend who works in this field, they are pretty damn amazing actually, and I can certainly pick their brains about this.
  7. Remi Lessore

    Remi Lessore Valued Member


    I am confident I understand generic SD. This is particular. But either someone is going to take the plunge or no-one, or a shyster who confidently blags his way in and teaches nonsense (see my thread on confusing the client). But there is not a queue of SD instructors to teach these women. That's why I'm here trying to pick your brains.

    Those that just take the plunge without advice would probably only pretend to know what they are doing and take even greater risks.

    I hope this taster will lead to a 10 week course, or longer. But I have to start somewhere.
  8. Dean Winchester

    Dean Winchester Valued Member

    If these women choose to share with you then you are being given a privilege, if you say "this will go no further" then you need to mean it and not disclose it to you mates, fellow instructors or even your spouse.

    That's how trust and confidence is built. Not only that but if you end up working long term then dealing with this kind if thing can take its toll on you, so you need to have an appropriate support network.

    Of course I'm talking about emotional content and personal backstory there and not things like if they are going to go and shoot someone and it's going to depend on how far along they are in their personal journey.

    I'm no expert though so you need to have the backing of someone who is.
  9. holyheadjch

    holyheadjch Valued Member

    Then start at week 1 of that 10 week course.
  10. Mitch

    Mitch Lord Mitch of MAP Admin

    No, this is exactly what I would have expected. This is also exactly the stuff that I think Remi needs to find out and then take further, perhaps including physical skills if appropriate.

    I'll bet they are, and I think their input could be very helpful.

  11. Remi Lessore

    Remi Lessore Valued Member


    Sorry. I don't know what you mean.
  12. Remi Lessore

    Remi Lessore Valued Member


    I think I need to give the centre and the women themselves the trust to know what is good for them.
    If they don't, who can?
    If they are asking for help, doing nothing is not an option.
  13. Dean Winchester

    Dean Winchester Valued Member

    I mean it about the personal support. I have no idea of your background but if you aren't used to some of the horror that goes on then it's a bloody shock, even when you are accustomed it can make you cynical and hate the world for a while.

    It's fine listening to it on the news but when you are face to face with the emotion and pain then its something far different.
  14. Dean Winchester

    Dean Winchester Valued Member

    If you want to do something that will have positive results and actually work then take the time to get to know the field you will work in.

    Otherwise it's just a token gesture to buff out the C.V.
  15. Dean Winchester

    Dean Winchester Valued Member

    Sometimes it is an option. You do nothing and find someone who can help, part of this is knowing what you can and can't do and being honest with yourself.
  16. Remi Lessore

    Remi Lessore Valued Member

    week 1

    Well yes.
    But in a sense this is week 1 of 11. Week 2 depends on this being well received.
    If I get past this week, I have a whole syllabus set up, and scenario training. All flexible according to needs as they arise.

    If I were the shelter, I would not commit to a course unless the clients were saying it is worth-while.
  17. Dean Winchester

    Dean Winchester Valued Member

    Yet you don't know something as fundamental as colour coding?
  18. Mitch

    Mitch Lord Mitch of MAP Admin

    Please, please, please be soooo careful about scenario training with women in this situation!

  19. Remi Lessore

    Remi Lessore Valued Member


    I am well used to the horror. I would not contemplate this if it were not a familiar world.
    But investigation after the fact is not the same as preventing recurrence, which is what this is about.
    In the past, my side of prevention was helping them towards a shelter. Now, strangely enough, it is coming round again from the opposite end.
  20. Remi Lessore

    Remi Lessore Valued Member


    I am not thinking of anything more involve than - if this is the grab, what is the response? For example.
    Again, we have to start somewhere.

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