How many Instructors have parents saying their children are bullied?

I do for one. About 50% of my 7-11 class are/were being bullied.

I'm not talking name calling here, one was kneed in the groin and back, another has been surrounded by up to 7 others and spat upon whilst being hit and kicked etc.

This is what I would call very serious assault. Fortunately, since they started training with me, a lot of their parents have said that the bullying has stopped.

It's something that I cover every lesson and it seems to be working.

However, I would be interested in seeing how many other instructors are aware of what's going on and the number of their students facing this trouble.

 

I luckily have never had any of my students tell me they were bullied even though they live in rough areas. Its great that you helped those kids deal with their bullying. Hopefully they never actually have to use what you teach them in real life scenerios. Its best if intimidation would be good enough.

 

Well done for making a difference Matt.

Stuart

 

I'd say about a third of mines are there because of bullying and another third are there because the parents want them toughened up, maybe the parents were bullied...............
My own kid was getting bullied last year by two boys at school but the teachers instil a fear of getting into trouble if they hit back even though the bullying would continue. I went up to the school to see the teachers and my boy pointed to a boy coming out the office and told me that was one of them, I said " from now the bullying stops!" that was all. Next day the school phones to complain about my behaviour and the bully was scared to come to school. I was livid!!!

 

Interestingly I also have a couple of kids who are the opposite and their parents want me to work on them with regard to why it's bad to bully.

 

Jeez, I've not had that, good on the parents though.

we have one boy, he's 11 but he's massive, not fat just BIG. His problem is he has a mind of an 11 year old, wants to play with 11 year olds but he's the size of an 18 year old. His playing can be seen as bullying yet it's not, it's a shame when you can see the fear on people that he just wants to hang with.

 

You can add me to the list. I only have one kid who is in this situation. I'm not sure how serious it is....And it is tough to give out advice to him. You can show him some good hand combos/etc but again he is very small for his age and bullies typically travel in packs. Escalation might not be a good idea.

I was always good size growing up so I never had the same problem. Hard to give advice...

 

To my knowledge we have had 2 bullying cases that have been brought to light.
One was a guy in high school and was being teased and hit, the main problem we had with him was to get him to deal with it in a less.. confrontational manner. Interestingly enough though, he was also bullied by a guy demonstrating a martial art for like a PE sport day or something. He asked this boy to demonstrate and when he found out he did taekwondo, decided he needed to assert his dominance and ended up choking and hitting him a little. Shame the school seemed to do nothing about that bit of assault there.

The other incident was disappointingly in club between 2 younger members, luckily that was quickly dealt with.

 

Matt mate. Its down the the parents. My cousin was being bullied years ago. My uncle (the ex ITF man) heard about it. he's a handful on the best of days but he went ape**** when he found out. he went round to the bullies house and knocked on the door. This kids dad answers and uncle tells him whats been going on. This bloke calls his son and his kid denies it.

He says to my uncle. I think you got your facts wrong mate with a stupid smile on his face. Bad move. Next thing he was up against the wall. My uncle had him by his thoat and he told him what would happen to him and his son if it ever happened again.

He was laughin when he told me this. He said he had him by the throat so hard he couldnt speak. And he keept asking him if he understood .This man was trying to say yes but coukd hardly breath. He said I Like to do that for about 30 seconds to a minute cos they think youre going to kill them. (I'm sure he's not right in the head some days LOL).

Anyway he finally lets thisn man say Yes and lets him go. His wifes screaming that shes calling the police and my uncle laughs and tells her to shut up. By the time they turned up he'd have the job finished he says and no witnesses.

He points to the boy and tells him he'd better behave himself in future if he dont want him coming back.

Problem solved. No more bullying when the word got around th school.

 

you uncle is lucky he was not locked up for that!

 

now thats something that should be encourged. we more often hear about parents that deny that their child could be a bully, or they themselves are worse than the child.

 

i would imagine that your classes would have a higher than average amount of bullied children due to the marketing you put out about the training you do.

 

Nice of you to have testified against your uncle on the internet, should the people decide to press charges (bearing in mind that there is no time limit for criminal prosecution).

 

Plus word of mouth from parents of students who were being bullied but who put what I showed them into practice is also helping a lot.

We're hopefully going to be introducing scenario-based training as well (they already love the OODA stuff), which will hopefully help the kids get over what they could/couldn't should/shouldn't have done at the time.

 

Following on from that. I did a seminar for a Scout Group and when I asked how many of them had been bullied, over half of them raised their hands. The Scout Leader was really taken aback and has asked me to return for another session, which I'm more than happy to do (FOC as they're a charity).

 

My experience of teaching anti-bullying seminars all over the world mirrors that.

I did a seminar two days ago and I reckon over 80% of the kids had either been bullied or were in groups were one of their friends was being bullied. Letting them tell their stories can be horrifying to listen to.

When reminded just what constitutes bullying behaviour, about a third of that same group admitted to doing it too.

As Matt says, scenario based training can be great for them, if it's done right.

 

Following on from that. I did a seminar for a Scout Group and when I asked how many of them had been bullied, over half of them raised their hands

The thing is though...how many were actually bullied as we understood it when we were at school?
It seems to me that the increased attention given to bullying has meant that even pretty mild forms of abuse are now labelled bullying where previously they might not have been.
I got bullied a couple of times at school. However I got called names and stuff more than that.
These days all of that would be called bullying when none of it was systematic or happened multiple times.

I'm not saying that these kids weren't bullied or that things were better in the old days.
Nor am I condoning abusive behaviour in any way.
Just that to me bullying implies some sort of systematic approach rather than one off school incidents that have always happened and will always happen.
I think labelling the mild kind as bullying perhaps clouds the issue a little bit?

 

yeah youre right. I suppose he could have handled it differently. Maybe he should have gone to the school to be told by some limp air brained teacher how they aint got a bullying problem actually and how his lad might benefit from some counselling sessions that might improve his social interaction skills and how Bully Boy is such a nice boy from a good family and how playground banter is all part of social intergration skills.

yup that might have done the trick

 

I see what you are getting at, but does it really cloud the issue?

As an example, what would you see as more traumatic form of bullying?
a) constant name calling, exclusion, ear flicking and other small things etc or;
b) one incident of serious choking resulting in burst bloodvessels in the eye.

I would offer that both these things can and do cause serious long term behaviour patterns to be laid down in impressionable, developing psyches. There are a great many studies on just how vulnerable and impressionable children are.

My (rather simplistic) view is that all instances that causes an altered state of chemical and behavioural response in children can impact that child's adult behaviour patterns. At it's simplest, that is learning. If the experience is positive, it will reinforce positive. If it's negative, it will reinforce the negative. Those conditioned into knee jerk passive or aggressive responses are often doomed to repeat that throughout their lives.

In my own history, bullying at all levels initially caused a highly fear based passivity response in my early years, followed by the complete opposite (overly aggressive, highly reactive, what a tool) in later years when I had the physical presence to back it up.

I am very passionate about the teaching of children in this way. Some simple awareness, verbal and physical skills can work wonders for them.

 

Tezzer,

I've never agreed with anything you've posted on these pages but you've hit the nail right on the head with that one.