How do you get rid of a bully?

Yes, you should stand-up for yourself, however, it is nice to have something safe to fall back on when you get your face smashed in standing up for yourself. Nothing wrong with employing anti-viruses to get rid of the virus.

 

well, the other day i just reinforced my faith in a good backhand. somone walked up, and started calling me names. so i backhanded him in the face and he went off. he yelled until i got to class (we were both walking to class) and now he wont even look at me. hasnt said a word. probably wont work that easily ever again lol, but sometimes you do need to stand up for yourself.

 

First of all, sorry for such a long post I'm making here

Good advice here, most people here are virtual geniuses, but still it doesn't always work very well, for example in my case, i just try to ignore them, but they keep picking on me more than anyone else because I am small. I try to stand up to them and it doesn't work, and i won't resort to violence unless they seriously abuse me first.
I've put up with stuff i won't even mention here, but that most of you here would probably gut them alive for, because there's nothing i can do without being expelled from the only good school in the city(passed to 9th grade for next year). My only resource would be to speak with the principal, who is a friend of mine, but none of the teachers does anything, they just yell a bit and stand there.
Since i am from Argentina and folks here in Paraguay hate us for no reason, I have to put up with the whole city against me except a few decent humans i've found out there who i like from between the massive amounts of people i know(even third graders make fun of other people freely), which makes it even harder to retaliate.
Six years ago i come here because of my dad's work, just trying to make friends(i was in third grade, i was about four feet tall and extremely weak, i had never liked sports or excercise), and find myself being abused for no reason by cultureless sub-humans brats who don't deserve to be called people, because they are mindless party animal drones who couldn't care less about what other people feel.
Now i will introduce the fourth kind of bully, the carreer bully: these, low or high self esteem, could live in caves and still think they are better and have more rights than the president. They behave like tyrants and have a highly organized hierarchy groups, like ancient egypt, first the pharaoh, which is the almighty über bully who beats up EVERYONE; then the nobles, the normal bullies, each striving to be stronger, but when a strong one asks them to do something they either complain and are beaten into obeyance or obey immediately; then come the merchants and artisans, common people with common thinking(any one of us, for example); and then the slaves, AKA victims, like me, who are bullied continually, whether they stand up or not, and even so most of them could beat up some of the bullies and leave them bleeding on the floor, but choose not to.
Carreer bullies live only to party, bully and pick up women, and they lack the neurons for anything else, i've even seen guys use calculators to do 13x 13, and they have to look for the numbers to know which button is which.
Most of them are weightlifters, and some did or do martial arts(there are a lot of TKD MCdojangs here apparently, or just bad students since i haven't met any of the instructors), and they are so absolutely selfish that nothing can lower their self-esteem except a thrashing, i've even seen some of them cry over three seconds of beating, but getting a chance to do so is the issue as they deal out beatings three times harder and faster than they can recieve.
They don't give a **** about what other people feel or think and will try to ruin your life(yes I said RUIN YOU LIFE, and I MEAN RUIN YOUR LIFE) in as much ways as they can and laugh at how stupid you end up, whether that means pulling your pants down, raping/stealing your girlfriend, disfiguring you, ruining your social activity, braking into your conversationg, talking **** about you and your friends, etc, etc, etc.
And worst of all some of their parents think their saintly do-gooders, which is extremely ridiculous.

I am thinking of next year going to the principal(as I said he's a friend of mine) and talk to him about the bullies, and given the fact i've been puting up with them, trying everythin diplomatic without success, during almost six years, i'm gonna let him know that if they continue abusing me, it's either me or them, and if i can land some good hits they'll go down like ice under a halogen lamp.
If anyone's got comments or suggestions before i get my butt kicked, I'm listening.

Fish Of Doom

 

I wouldnt wait til next year....do it next time your in school (go to the principle I mean)

The sooner you go the better. And talk to your dad, get him to help you, I got mine to go in with me to see the headmaster, and my dad told him that I had his full permission to bust up round me, provided I DID NOT start the fight, but if I was picked on again, then I had free-license from him to beat the crap outta them.......and he would defend me against anyone who pressed charges or if they tried to suspend/expell me he would go to the board of governors.....eventually I did have to, but nothing was done about it, it happened in front of the principle! He just told me to go back to class, took the bullies into his office and when they came out, I never had any bother again, I dont know whatr was said, but a couple of them even became some what friends of mine til we left school 3 yrs later.

The most important thing you can do right now, as in as soon as you read this, is go talk to your dad, and explain what has been going on, how it has made you feel, and ask him for his advice. He will respect you for asking, and will be more likely to back you up in the event anything comes of it.

Good luck mate, I know exactly what you going through

 

thanks man :cry:

 

Act

Hi Fish of Doom,

Your predicament came across bad and I feel for you.
My feeling is that you have been in a situation where you
have felt powerless for a long time.
I think that you need to think about actions which you can
take which will increase your power.
If physically standing up for yourself is not going to work, then
definitely I would talk to any authority figures that you can manage,
be it the principal or parents as long as you do not feel that
this will make things worse for you (only you can judge this)
Definitely join a martial arts or boxing club.
Boxing or kickboxing is especially good because you will spar with people of
your own weight with rules. This will even the playing field and give you
a situation in your life where you can be aggresive and get in touch with your courage and power.
The police or army cadets is good too.

What worked for me (you can read my post about dealing with a bully earlier in this thread) was to get a mentor who was a genuinely tough guy, an Israeli army officer and an expert martial artist. Just developing a relationship with him and talking to him about how to deal with the situation whilst studying martial arts helped build up my confidence. He taught me spirit and heart.

Another alternative is to see if you can ally yourself in some way with a powerful group. Say if you join a boxing club, you can hang with those guys.
Or the actor Mel Brooks who was a small guy in a tough neighbourhood when he was a kid, learnt to make jokes and so made friends with the gangs.

If none of this works, try and get the hell out of the situation.
If everyone in Paraguay hates Argentinians, ask your Dad to transfer you
to a school back in Argentina if possible.

Above all, I would say do not be passive, do not allow them to just do this to you. What you are going through is hell.
Noone has the right to offer you violence. Ever.
Work out your best strategy and Act .
Yeah and whatever you decide good luck to you.
It sounds like you are surrounded by jerks there, but people on this forum and around the world definitely are on your side and support you.
I had a problem with a bully too, so I know how hard it is.

Jogenn

 

i've been doing karate for two and a half years, if not then i wouldn't be in a martial arts forums.
physically i think i'm fine(if i manage to get my fist on their ribs more twice they're screwed), only i don't want to fight because i'm not the fighter type, and i might get expelled.
at least i don't have to worry about gangs, except on rare exceptions of really stupid behavior that one tries to separate the others(and beat the other one up in the process), they just sit there and laugh, so if i break someone's nose or ribs on self defense they'll make fun of the guy and say things like huh?, you were strong after all! and continue laughing.
I am currently a 3rd kyu in hayashi-ha ****o-ryu karate-do studying under sensei Divalcir Saibro, nidan, 32, with fifteen years of experience and formerly of the Sao Paulo militar circle, student of sensei Paulo Motta Jr., founder and president of Hayashi-ha ****o-ryu Brasil.
and thanks for the advice but sparring with people of my own weight won't serve, as i am a semi-dwarf and i'm somewhat of a fatty dude(14 y old 1,45 mts, 50 kgs), although as mentioned i can dominate them with a few good hits.
and about moving to argentina, i don't think so, i'll return when my dad gets transfered again, hopefully around mid-next year, i need to go through my problems, not around them, and i still got things to do here, this harsh environment i live in now has made me a far far better person than i could have hoped to be, and i want to continue practicing karate at least until i get to shodan(in a about two years if i pass all the exams), so i can eventually pass on Hayashi-Ha ****o-Ryu to Argentina, where it is nonexistent.
thanks for the vote of confidence, and thanks for all the help, this means a lot to me, and i will try to get out from all this as the victorious figure.

Thanks

Fish Of Doom

 

Respect to you

Fish,

Respect to you.

Everyone finds their own path.

It sounds to me like you have resolved this in your own
way and I believe you when you say that you will emerge
a better person.

I am sure that your decision to deal with this in a non-violent
way, but without running away will work for you in the end.

Good luck

Jogenn

 

thanks

 

Ah, a bullying topic... sort of reminds me the past. There are all sorts of way to deal with this matter, but usually it turns out ugly if you decide and to think talking your way out is the soloution. You've gotta stand up for yourself, coz no one will do that for you. I remember when I was at grade 9, my first bullying incident took place. This guy was like 2 grades above me and the whole bullying incident happened over something so trivial. It was because I accidently knocked over his drink, and that's all the reason the likes of those need to get things started. A bully is basically someone who is to full of himself, and notice something? He/she always, has 2-3 people around because he/she doesn't have any confident at all. And the bully usually doesn't do anything, but is extremely good at manipulating others to his/her dirty work....

Anyways, so after the drink incident, he and 2 of his other friends kept on giving me trouble day after day. It started off verbally, with a few hustling around nothing physical yet.... I told one of the teachers, and wanted to resolve the issue in a non-physical way. The teacher did his job, but the bullying didn't stop. I was at the edge of my tolerance, coz I didn't want to start a fight over something so trivial. Then one day, they started to hit me one by one and asked me for money. I got so ****ed, I fought back and the coward just told his friends to attack me. It was tough, coz they were a lot bigger then me. So I played dirty by attacking their crotch. The coward hit me on the head with his school bag while I was distracted and was laughing his ass off when my forehead was cutted open. I went berserk and took my school bag and threw it to his face and kicked him in the stomach; and while he bended over, I kicked him right in the face... I was only a beginner at Karate then, so that was the best I could do. I then jumped onto the coward and started to pummel him... Yes, it turned out ugly, but I was so full of rage I didn't know what was going though my mind. Of course, things didn't settle just like that. Apart from getting trouble from the school, we had to meet with the parents and such. Luckily, I had my family backing me up and my dad was extremely ****ed. He managed to shut the other 3 bullies parents up totally. That was one hell of a scene... Not to mention how the 3 had bad reputation at school and others were willing to be my witness. At the end, I had my share but they had a bigger share and 2 of them were expelled and the other never did anything to me again.

So that was my part of the story. Not that I encourage you or any to use violence to solve things off, but you have to understand that there are people in this world (especially in our world today) that you'll need to use a certain amount of violence to make them realize their mistakes and let them taste their own medicine. They have to take responsibility for their own cause and you have to be prepare for the consequences.

 

ok Im not going to give a L O N G readers manual on this matter but I'd personally follow the following steps.

1) If the bully verbally insults you, do the same back, but do NOT attack them.

2) If he attacks you in any way defend youself using the same force HOWEVER if there is more then 1 person, think about it do the sensible thing and GET HELP.

3) If u believe you are unable to defend youself either RUN or SEEK HELP.

4) After defending yourself from attack if successful or not SEEK HELP IMMEDIATELY.

The above set principals have simply based on my idea of 'equality and balance' in terms of everything is a balance in this world. When applied to recieving and attacks and defending one example would be that if you are able to successfully defend youself, you should exert self control and NOT let your ego grow and break the bullys arms or legs since you would be reversing roles. DO NOT LOWER YOURSELF TO THEIR POSITION.

Anyway i hope anyone reading this post wont get bullied as ive been there done that and it isnt nice nor is it rewarding.

regards Sixth

 

I'm really not helpful... I don't take crap from anyone and if they try to intimidate me or fight me they get hurt... so I'm not going to try to give any advice here...

I agree with Sixth, for the most part. Luckily I have a friend twice my size that is a wrestler and another who was in taekwando and karate if I'm against more than one person my same size and skill level.

Except for the part where you only return the damage he did to you... Well, someone has to win if you're going to fight. If he hits you and you hit him back the same way with the same force then the fight will go on an on, you'd better hope you have a higher level of endurance than your opponent if you try that.

I let them take the first swing, but unless they're a MUCH better boxer than me (not just a boxer) then they're going to miss, and whoever hits first, hits twice. But few people here can fight, so..

 

This thread has good suggestions......made me wish that the Internet was around when I was younger......sheeezzz

Anyway........there will always be bullies.......even in the adult working world.........same bullies, different scenarios.......somethings never change........dealing with this sort of bullies is probably a bigger challenge.....

 

if only that would work with the bullies in my school.
if they're faced with the slightest bit of logic they dismiss it like if it was wrong, they're just too egoistical, and if you do it too much they'll try to kick your butt when you least expect it, like you're face to face talking and suddenly he punches you in the face with no way of you knowing it, but normally they just keep bragging for a minute and anouncing they're gonna attack so it's not a problem(unless you strike preemptively in case even if they were saying for hours on end they would kick your butt it still counts as if you're the aggressor, stupid school)

 

It's clear that this discussion has run it's course.

The important thing to remember is that no matter what the situation, you should make sure that those around you know what's going on. Especially those who are responsible for helping you or managing the place where the bullying is happening. Beyond that you must also make sure that you do what it takes to keep yourself safe and sound. That includes thinking about the future ramifications of your actions.

- Thread Closed -

- Matt