And the worst Knock Knock joke of all time: Knock knock Who's there? Banana Banana who? Banana Banana Knock knock Who's there? Banana Banana who? Banana Banana Knock knock Who's there? Orange Orange who? Orange you glad I didn't say "Banana" again?
my topic was requested to be moved (and I agree) to this topic * Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water? He set a new lap record. * Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool? She had mittens. * What is the difference between a cat and a comma? One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause. * What do you get when you cross a chick with an alley cat? A peeping tom. * Why don't cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs. * What is a cat's favourite song? Three Blind Mice. * What did the freshman computer science major say when he was told that the work stations had mice? Don't you have a cat? * What is a cat's way of keeping law & order? Claw Enforcement. * How did a cat take first prize at the bird show? He just jumped up to the cage, reached in, and took it. * Why did a person with an unspayed female cat have to go to court? For kitty littering. * Why did the litter of communist kittens become capitalists? Because they finally opened their eyes. * Why are cats better than babies? Because you only have to change a litter box once a day. * What is the name of the unauthorized autobiography of the cat? Hiss and Tell. * What do you get when you cross an elephant with a cat? A big furry creature that purrs while it sits on your lap and squashes you. * What does a cat do when it gets mad? It has a hissy fit. * What do you call the cat that was caught by the police? The purrpatrator. * What happened when the cat went to the flea circus? He stole the whole show! * What is a cat's favourite colour? Purrrrrrrple! * Where does a cat go when it loses its tail? The retail store. * What does a cat like to eat on a hot day? A mice cream cone. * What do cats use to make coffee? A purrcolator. * What do you call a cat that has swallowed a duck? A duck filled fatty puss. * If lights run on electricity and cars run on gas, what do cats run on? Their paws. * Why is the cat so grouchy? Because he's in a bad mewd. * If there are ten cats on a boat and one jumps off, how many cats are left on the boat? None! They were copy cats. * Is it bad luck if a black cat follows you? That depends on whether you're a man or a mouse. * How does the cat get its own way? With friendly purrsuasion. * What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo? An eskimew. * What has more lives than a cat? A frog because it croaks every night. * What is a cat's favourite subject in school? HISStory. * What do cats like to eat for breakfast? Mice Krispies. * How do cats end a fight? They hiss and make up. * What's happening when you hear "woof... splat... meow... splat?" It's raining cats and dogs. * Why are cats such good singers? Because they're very mewsical. * What do you call newborn kittens who keep getting passed from owner to owner? Chain litter. * What is the cat's favourite magazine? Good Mousekeeping. * How many cats can you put into an empty box? Only one. After that, the box isn't empty. * Why do you always find the cat in the last place you look? Because you stop looking after you find it. * If a cat can jump five feet high, then why can't it jump through a three foot window? Because the window is closed. * What is a cat's favourite movie? "The Sound of Mewsic." * What does a cat that lives near the beach have in common with Christmas? Sandy Claws. * Where is one place that your cat can sit, but you can't? Your lap. * Why did the cat put oil on the mouse? Because it squeaked. * What side of the cat has the most fur? The OUT-side. * What is a cat's favourite car? The Catillac. * What kind of cat will keep your grass short? A Lawn Meower. * Why did the judge dismiss the entire jury made up of cats? Because each of them was guilty of purrjury. * What do you use to comb a cat? A catacomb. * Why did the cat run from the tree? Because it was afraid of the bark! * Why is it so hard for a leopard to hide? Because he's always spotted.
You know it. I get asked where I get all of the jokes. I just tell'em I have a few friends who pass them along.
Baaaaad Jokes WHAT WAS THE LAST THING TO GO THROUGH THE FLIES MIND AS HE HIT THE SPEEDING CAR??? HIS BUTT!!!!!!! MUMMY MUMMY! WHY DO I KEEP WALKING IN CIRCLES??? SHUT UP OR I WILL NAIL YOUR OTHER FOOT TO THE FLOOR! FLY WITH NO WINGS = A WALK A STRETCHED FLY WITH NO WINGS = A LONG WALK A STRETCHED FLY WITH NO WINGS AFTER BEING SQUASHED = A BLOODY LONG WALK!!!!!!!!!!!! :bang: A BLIND DEER = NO IDEA A BLIND DEER WITH NO LEGS = STILL NO IDEA A SHEEP WITH NO LEGS = A CLOUD WHAT DO SAY TO A CHAV IN A FILING CABINET??? SORTED!!!!!! WHAT DO SAY TO AN EVIL CHAV???? WICKED!!!!! HOW DID THE FEMALE CHAV TURN OFF TEH LIGHT AFTER SEX? SHE SHUT THE CAR DOOR!!!!!!!! I DO APOLOGIZE FOR THESE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
More Baaaaad Jokes WHY WAS THE SAND WET???? COZ THE SEA WEED!!!!!!!! WHY DID THE TOMATO BLUSH???? IT SAW THE SALAD DRESSING!!! A MOBILE LIBRARY RAN OVER ME THE OTHER DAY THE DRIVER GOT OUT AND SAID "SHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" WHAT YOU SAY TO A CHAV WITH A JOB? BIG MAC AND FRIES PLEASE!!!!!! MY BROTHER-IN-LAW WAS A BLACK BELT IN KARATE HE JOINED THE ARMY AND DIED ON HIS FIRST DAY THE FIRST TIME HE SALUTED HE KILLED HIMSELF THERES BEEN A THEFT AT THE GLUE FACTORY POLICE ARE STUCK TWO AERIAL MET ON A ROOF THEY FELL IN LOVE THEY GOT MARRIED THE CEREMONEY WAS RUBBISH BUT THE RECEPTION WAS BRILLIANT!!!!!!!! HOW MANY BORING PEOPLE DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB ONE HOW DO YOU STOP A LAWYER FROM DROWNING TAKE YOUR FOOT OF HIS HEAD HOST "HOW DARE YOU GUFF BEFORE MY WIFE!!!" GUEST "I'M SORRY! I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS HER TURN!!!!!" WHAT HAS 50 LEGS AND CAN'T WALK HALF A CENTIPEDE!!!!!!!! SORRY AGAIN
lol that was stupid Q: What are four hundred rabbits hopping backwards? A: A receding hare line. Q: What did the rabbit say to the carrot? A: Its been nice gnawing you. Q: The more he takes away the bigger it becomes. What is it? A: A rabbit hole. Q: How is a rabbit like a Q-tip? A: They both have cotton tails. Q: What is the difference between a crazy rabbit and a counterfeit cent? A: One is a mad bunny and the other is bad money. Q: What would you call a rabbit who is mad at the sun? A: A hot cross bunny. Q: What would you get if you crossed a rabbit with a bumblebee? A: A honey bunny. Q: How is a rabbit like a cornstalk? A: They both have big ears. Q: Why is a leaky faucet like a cowardly bunny? A: Because it runs. Q: Why is a rabbit like a cent? A: Because it has a head on one end and a tail on the other.
people will hit me for this: -peace on Middle Earth, war for the Ring- Wanderlei Sauron please don't hit me!
Q.how many democrats (could also be any other losing group/ unsucessful political organisation) does it take to change a light bulb? A. none, because democrats cant change anything
I wanted to become a butcher.... but I couldn't hack the pace I failed assassan school - the final exams are a killer! Just finished my escort exams - so easy I could do them lying down Become a greengrocer? thats just for cabbages Nah, I'll choose another clown college - there's something funny going on in that one When I told my mum I wanted to be a zookeper she started going Ape... I wanted to be a hairdresser but I just couldn't cut it. I was hanging by a thread, but I managed to pass my seamstress exams I'd love to be a surgeon but I just don't have the guts I'll have to hot-foot it to get to my fire fighting class on time I was a bus driver for a while but I felt my career wasn't going anywhere I tried running a ferris wheel for a bit, but I just think my life was going in circles I tired taking martial arts but they kicked me out I'd hate to be a vampire - they just suck! I tried broadway but they make such a song and dance about everything I worked for an accounting firm, but something really didn't add up there
how can a mispronounced curse stop a river? ...... ............ ...... ............ ...... ............ ...... ............ ...... ............ ...... ............ ...... ......you're gonna kill me for this...... ...... ............ ...... ............ ...... ............ ...... ............ ...... ......DAM YOU!
