60 above zero: Arizonians turn on the heat. People in Alaska plant gardens. 50 above zero: Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in Fairbanks sunbathe. 40 above zero: Italian & English cars won't start. People in Alaska drive with the windows down. 32 above zero: Distilled water freezes. The water in Anchorage gets thicker. 20 above zero: Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats. People in Alaska throw on a flannel shirt. 15 above zero: New York landlords finally turn up the heat. People in Alaska have the last cook out before it gets cold. Zero: People in Miami all die. People in Alaska close the windows. 10 below zero: Californians fly away to Mexico. People in Alaska get out their winter coats. 25 below zero: Hollywood disintegrates. The Girl Scouts in Alaska are selling cookies door to door. 40 below zero: Washington DC runs out of hot air. People in Alaska let the dogs sleep indoors. 100 below zero: Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Alaskan drivers get upset because they can't start the Mini-Van. 460 below zero: ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero on the Kelvin scale.) People in Alaska start saying..."Cold 'nuff fer ya?" 500 below zero: Hell freezes over. Alaska public schools will open 2 hours late.
