Zombies.. 'nuff said

Discussion in 'General Martial Arts Discussion' started by Van Zandt, Jan 11, 2009.

  1. CosmicFish

    CosmicFish Aleprechaunist

    Very well then, as clearly . . .

  2. Van Zandt

    Van Zandt Mr. High Kick

    Let's not forget the biggest zombie of them all...


    Amy Winehouse!

    I heard if you play her CD's backwards it recites a spell to give you power over other zombies. I think George Dillman claims to have this power.
  3. Blast

    Blast Valued Member

    I think jeet kune do would work well. Eye gouges to blind the zombies and groin attacks might work too, except when applied to Amy Winehouse or Michael Jackson.
  4. Van Zandt

    Van Zandt Mr. High Kick

    Jackson would be too busy interfering with a nine-year old boy zombie to bother attacking any of us.

    Sorry, couldn't resist.
  5. slacker

    slacker Valued Member

  6. Van Zandt

    Van Zandt Mr. High Kick

    The Anti-Zombie Secret Weapon...

  7. Fire-quan

    Fire-quan Banned Banned

    Yeah... about that...,. sadly, we have to report that cutbacks in the defence budget meant that we failed to keep that weapon maintained, and it might not be quite as effective as you were expecting:

  8. Iam

    Iam Valued Member

    Eek to the above!

    It certainly is a difficult business trying to find a Martial Art suitable for defence against Zombie attack.

    Surely it would be a lot easier to rubbish certain styles as wholly ineffective! :p

    On such a theme, & introducing a note of realism, please allow me to say I can't believe someone recommended Aikido.

    Surely not!

    I've seen the Steven Seagal movies, & I can tell you Aikido would just delay your imminent being-eaten-alive, against any respectably sized zombie horde.

    Zombies can, of course, only be killed by removing the head or destroying the brain.

    Zombies feel no pain - all those arm & wrist locks aren't going to dissuade a zombie in the slightest. Breaking a zombies arms is pointlesss, breaking theior legs will just result in them cralwing toward you. Throwing a charging zombie beyond you will just result in a zombie behind you. Throwing multipe zombies in all directions will result in an ever decreasing circle of zombies on all sides on you.

    Even throwing a zombie through the one-shot Aikido plate glass window see - I have seen the Steven Seagal movies) is unlikely to do more than vertically lacerate your zombie, and will just hold up one zombie, what about all his chums?

    I know Aikido-ers practise against multiple opponents - I've seen Yu-Tube - but the inevitable result of not destroying the zombie brain is simply a tired martial artisit with nowhere to go, totally surrounded by a horde of dumbass zombies crawling towards him with broken arms & legs, moaning horribly for their dinner.

    Plainly, with it's total lack of Zombie Defence Aikido cannot call itself a complete Martial Art.

    So, fair's fair, what about my own beloved TKD.

    How good is that at ZD?

    Bloody useless against the tech 2 super zombies mentioned here, I'm afraid. They're just too fast. Against the earlier tech 1 zombies, your classic zombie, the zombie of choice imo, things look rosy.

    Those zombies are slow and shambling, allowing plenty of time to dip, rise & dip again to generate proper sine wave striking power. Plus, their zombie flesh is soft & cushion-like. That's another negative for Aikido - absorbs the falls I'm afraid - but a plus for TKD techniques - absolutely not Karate ones -such as spear finger thrusts.

    Properly positioned, a group of Tech 1 slow zombies would easily allow a semi-trained, traditional TKD "player" - not a Karate doo-er - to perform our classic (I think they're 50 years old?) patterns - not Karate ones of course - to full effect, Joon Gun for instance (nice high side kicks, elbox strikes, and backfists, front snap kicks to the nads ... hmm may need to go a bit higher on those ... slow balancing movements ... well, maybe they'll confuse the zombies).

    Moreover, on the sport side, our Olympians (where are yours, Karate?) have the added advantage of foam body armour to protect from those zombie teeth.

    TKD's powerful, high leg techniques - not Karate's - a nicely timed side kick for instance, should do sufficient head trauma to totally neutralise a zombie. In close, two words : knife hand strike.

    So, there you have it. Aikido rubbish, TKD - not Karate - definitely your MA to go for.

    Verus Zombies.
  9. Fire-quan

    Fire-quan Banned Banned

    Oh yeah, you know, when you go to Haiti and video yourself doing it, THEN I'll believe it.
  10. Custom Volusia

    Custom Volusia Valued Member

    You should check E-bay...you can get a great deal on a sense of humor there!! ;)
  11. Custom Volusia

    Custom Volusia Valued Member

    MUST HAVE for potential Zombie attacks!!

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