Why I Prefer Dating Women Who Are Martial Artists

Discussion in 'General Martial Arts Discussion' started by Subconscious Sailboat, Apr 24, 2021.

  1. Hi, I'm new and this is my first post. Greetings to you all.

    In the course of my life (now 32), I've found that I've always had the best experience when dating or being in a relationship with a martial artist. They have a certain vibe about them, I can't explain it. I find a woman who does martial arts very attractive. They seem to be more adventurous, more disciplined and I find I have deep conversations with them, they often are very intelligent and spiritual too. They are oftentimes very gentle but when they got angry sometimes, their martial side would surface lol, in some indirect and some direct ways. That kind of play-fighting was even more of a turn-on for me in the attraction department. Dating a martial artist can be a fun and physical experience. Also, these women were very feminine as well, breaking that stereotype that pretty girls can be harmless lol.

    I like the fact that as a man, I'm not intimidated by a female that knows how to defend herself and fight like a bad-ass (the last woman I was with is a black-belt in kickboxing) and I think they appreciated that too. I never felt insecure by it. I remember my ex telling me how she defended herself in a night-club bathroom once when some girls came in and started bullying her. She said it ended with her delivering an axe-kick to one of her attackers heads with her high-heels on, drawing blood and then high-tailing it out of there. She said most guys got freaked out or felt intimidated by that story and with me she felt no judgment or weirdness whatsoever. I even remember the girl I dated in varsity, who did Taekwondo, her male family members didn't really acknowledge her winning gold and doing really well etc in her martial art practice. I think they appreciated that I took an interest in their activity and asked questions about their practice etc because it had genuinely interested me.

    I don't do martial arts myself although looking to maybe get into learning boxing from home due to this lock-down business but I prefer grappling/wrestling, BJJ would of been great to learn for my body-type and personality but I'll have to learn a striking art for now I guess. Guess it can't hurt to learn how to defend myself since the world seems to getting more crazier by the day.

    Anyway, I guess whether male or female, choosing to do something like this must say a lot about someones character and not many are willing to learn the art of fighting due to fear etc but I guess you martial artists face that fear and discover it was nothing and become better human beings for it and that's also a very attractive and rare trait.

    Anyway, I hope I meet another female martial artist again one day. They seem to have a depth to them that's right up my alley and besides there's nothing cooler than seeing a girl you're crushing on showing off side-kicks at a party X D
  2. Mangosteen

    Mangosteen Hold strong not

    Oh no, fear is a very real thing, a lack of it is stupidity.

    Plenty of us have anxiety.
    People who continue arent just able to find coping strategies to push past a lot of the fear.

    I think your idealising, mythologising and even fetishizing of martial artists is a little silly. Theres defo nothing special about people involved in martial arts, theyve just picked up something they enjoy.
    Mitlov, Nachi, David Harrison and 2 others like this.
  3. aaradia

    aaradia Choy Li Fut and Yang Tai Chi Chuan Student Moderator Supporter

    Thank you Mango, for putting into words what was bugging me about the original post. I, frankly, found it a bit creepy, but couldn't put words into why. You did so.

    I haven't really been wanting a relationship lately, but if or when I do, I will say this about martial arts. It takes a lot of my time and I am unwilling to give it up. I have known a few people in my school that got pressure from their spouse to either cut back their practice a lot or even quit. For me, that would be like saying to cut off a body part. Martial arts is a part of me to my very core.

    I would need to date someone that understands having a passion that takes a lot of time and dedication. And it would be serious bonus points if their passion was martial arts too. But if not, I do think I would need to have a partner who has a passion for something that takes time. It could be another sport, or artwork, or music, but it would have to be something. And then we would figure out together how to balance our time together with not giving up our passions. Turning our love of that other thing(s) into something that strengthens the relationship.
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2021
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  4. David Harrison

    David Harrison MAPper without portfolio

    Wait, people in their 30's doing sidekicks at parties? That's kind of... embarrassing?

    This post comes across as fishing, as well as living vicariously through the abilities of others.

    Just go train already!
    axelb, Mangosteen and Nachi like this.
  5. Smitfire

    Smitfire Cactus Schlong

    Well done. Your medal of appreciation from Women-kind is on it way.
    axelb, David Harrison and Mangosteen like this.
  6. Dead_pool

    Dead_pool Spes mea in nihil Deus MAP 2017 Moi Award

    This reads like a mix of fanfiction and astrology:

    They seem to be
    A) more adventurous,
    B) more disciplined
    C) very intelligent
    D) spiritual too. (So not intelligent?)
    E) they are very gentle
    F) very angry,
    G) very feminine
    H) also harmful, and not harmless.

  7. Xue Sheng

    Xue Sheng All weight is underside

    I dated only one woman who was a martial artist, but being a martial artist had little to do with it....she was an ex-ballerina.... never seen a shaolin form done with such beauty and grace in my life....
  8. What a mixture of disciplines.

    Yours must be the first non-judgmental and non passive-aggressive comment on this thread lol.

    I guess people having differing preferences is news to some. Well we live in a world of billions. Not everyone thinks the same.
    Xue Sheng likes this.
  9. Mangosteen

    Mangosteen Hold strong not

    Could we get you to try a class in a grappling style in your local area?
    axelb likes this.
  10. combatarts

    combatarts Valued Member

    I think it all depends on the women, but for the most part, I avoid the ones in martial art classes. They are often the same type of girl you find at video game conventions, the Navy, or any other place that is 95% male. The women who are actually into martial arts and stay for the long haul are cool, but these areas tend to draw a lot of less desirable ones that want to feel like a white man in an Asian country, or the only dude in a yoga class.
  11. Nachi

    Nachi Valued Member Supporter

    I do not want to sound mean, but what you srote sounds like you take the martial arts women do as their main characteristic and sort of live that through them and you put them on a bit on a pedestal. Which, all put together, comes off as little creepy, hence the negative comments. Trying a MA yourself might be something you would enjoy and maybe come across a nice woman, too :)

    Maybe you have different experience than I do, but at least in my school, we have about a 50% women, all of whom are pretty normal. Not macho or whatever you're trying to imply. I think this an outdated mindset to think that women shouldn't be doing martial arts, similar to the perception that women shouldn't be weightlifting. So I kind of don't like this message.
    I mean in case these women you mention come to a MA class for a different reason than their actual interest in MA - like they just want to show off, I would bet there's even more guys who'd do that, so I can't see how they'd be the "white man in and Asian country".
    But I agree that every person is different and it would depend on each one. You can have your opinion on people who attend the MA classes, but I kind of don't like this generalisation.
  12. David Harrison

    David Harrison MAPper without portfolio

    As a first post, it came off as a bit patronising toward women, and a bit creepy.

    "Hey martial artists, I don't train but I really like dating female martial artists" is a weird opener on a forum for people who train martial arts.

    If you start some online boxing lessons, you will find the people here supportive and knowledgable. There is a training log section where other members will give constructive criticism, guidance and tips. Normally beginners would be dissuaded from online training, but as it is impossible or inadvisable in many areas to visit a gym, any training is better than no training (even if everything you pick up has to be undone once you do get to a gym, keeping up your enthusiasm for training is the most important part of training).

    Good luck in your training, I mean that sincerely.
    hewho, Mangosteen and axelb like this.
  13. axelb

    axelb Master of Office Chair Fu

    The post does sound like it's fishing for something.

    @Subconscious Sailboat are you looking to train in martial arts?
    It sounds like you have an interest in the striking arts. Maybe check out some local clubs to train at when you're allowed to (local pandemic conditions apply).

    Martial artist is often portrayed as carrying across all those positive personality traits, but this isn't always the case.
    It sounds like you initially got on well with a person who was successful in martial arts, and a good person who is successful in anything is often seen as attractive.
    How long were you in this relationship for?
  14. Smitfire

    Smitfire Cactus Schlong

    And when he says "a bit" he really means "very".
    aaradia, axelb and Dead_pool like this.
  15. ap Oweyn

    ap Oweyn Ret. Supporter

    You mean, like... women who do what they want and don’t let precedent stand in their way?
  16. *writes post praising women who do martial arts*

    Gets inundated with accusations of being sexist, patronizing and ''creepy''.

    Very logical and reasonable deductions. Makes tooooooootal sense...but this is par for the course in 2021, the 'woketopia' apocalypse white knights must have their say

    combatarts likes this.
  17. Nachi

    Nachi Valued Member Supporter

    Subconscious Sailboat, I am sorry your first post had so many negative reactions, but so you do not misunderstand why everyone is like that, it is basically because what your post suggests is not:

    "I had the privilege to date a few female martial artist who were really nice and beautiful women who did what they wanted despite the lack of support from their surroundings and had great achievents nonetheless. I hope I will meet another girl like that who is interested in me and whom I can appreciate and cheer for in what they do. Dating a few girls like that was very inspiring for me, so I am considering learning martial arts, too!" (that would have been well taken)

    What your post sounds like, however, is this:
    "I am a great guy who, unlike others, is able to appreciate women who do martial arts, so they should be greatful they can date someone like me. I can even be interested in their hobby. I am not intimidated by that and in fact, the cooler girl I can find for me is, the better! I'd like to show off her skills." (which is patronizing and strange)

    I think you may not have intended this, but it is what the original post looks like and why no one was very nice about it. That is all. I hope you're not discouraged by this, though, and will stay at MAP :)
    Last edited: Apr 28, 2021
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  18. David Harrison

    David Harrison MAPper without portfolio

    He says while not acknowledging the replies posted by women.

    "Woketopia" = "Why aren't women flattered to be discussed in terms of my own sexual preferences? It's political correctness gone mad!"

    I hope one day you figure it out. Best of luck.
    Mangosteen, aaradia, axelb and 2 others like this.
  19. Dead_pool

    Dead_pool Spes mea in nihil Deus MAP 2017 Moi Award

    A little self awareness goes a long way, perhaps people thought your post fetishizing people, was creepy, because it was creepy, and not because we're all vegan hipsters born after the millennium.

    For the record, nut milks all taste terrible, cargo shorts are the height of practicality in summer, and posting to a community forum about how hot members of said community are, is extremely creepy.

    Hopefully we're all wrong and your actually a stand up guy, prove me wrong!
    Last edited: Apr 28, 2021
    axelb and Nachi like this.
  20. A lot of projection going on here which is unfortunate but it is what it is. I stand by my freedom of speech and my right to have my own thoughts and preferences. I wasn't trying to get with anybody on here nor demean anybody nor was I propping myself up as better than. I simply shared the fact that for example, one girl who I dated, her family didn't approve of her taekwondo achievements or brushed them aside whereas I was understanding and supportive of her interests. Don't understand how that equates me to being ''better'' than anybody.

    How people see what I wrote through their own subjective perceptual lens is their business.

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