Why I Don't Like to Fly Anymore

Discussion in 'Off Topic Area' started by kwang gae, Oct 8, 2006.

  1. kwang gae

    kwang gae 광개 Sidekick Specialist

    After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics any problem they had with the airplane during the flight.

    The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then explain in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken.

    The pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.

    Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor.

    Here are some 'actual' maintenance problems submitted by Qantas pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.

    By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

    (P = The problem logged by the pilot)
    (S = The solution and action taken by the engineer)


    P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
    S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

    P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
    S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

    P: Something loose in cockpit.
    S: Something tightened in cockpit.

    P: Dead bugs on windshield.
    S: Live bugs on back-order.

    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200
    feet-per-minute descent.
    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    S: Evidence removed.

    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    S: DME volume set to more believable level.

    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
    S: That's what they're there for.

    P: IFF inoperative.
    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

    P: Suspected crack in windshield.
    S: Suspect you're right.

    P: Number 3 engine missing.
    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

    P: Aircraft handles funny.
    S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be
    serious.

    P: Target radar hums.
    S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

    P: Mouse in cockpit.
    S: Cat installed.

    P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds
    like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
    S: Took hammer away from midget
     
  2. TheMightyMcClaw

    TheMightyMcClaw Dashing Space Pirate

    Wonderful!
     
  3. AuntiePink

    AuntiePink Naughty Member

    I've seen this about ten times but it never fails to make me giggle to the point of hysteria. I love that the people in charge of aeroplane safety have such a sense of humour.
     
  4. sparrow

    sparrow Chirp!

    My brother in law used to work for British Airways and tells the story of the flight crew who locked themeselves out of the cockpit mid-flight (thank God for auto pilot!) and had to hack their way back in with an axe in front of the passengers. It may not have been BA...................
     
  5. |MT|omar

    |MT|omar Thai Boxer

    hahahahahhahahaha
     
  6. NaughtyKnight

    NaughtyKnight Has yellow fever!

    Glad to see Australian aviation is still up to scratch :D.
     
  7. Athleng Nordic

    Athleng Nordic Sadly passed away. RIP. Supporter

    We maniacs, er um mechanics as just a goofy. Wait till I deploy and read my blog.
     
  8. Rhea

    Rhea Laser tag = NOT MA... Supporter

    hehe, never fails to make me laugh when I see this.
     
  9. Sam

    Sam Absent-ish member

    Just read this aloud to everyone in room whilst trying not to cry with laughter. :p
     
  10. Sgt_Major

    Sgt_Major Ex Global Mod Supporter

    me too!
     
  11. TheCount

    TheCount Happiness is a mindset

    Read this dozens of times, still so funny
     

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