Why do instructors/trainers take it so personally?

Long story short: one of the guys that I have trained with has decided to quit and go to another school. His former instructor/trainer got butt-hurt and now he wants to fight him.

I know both of them, and I've trained with both...just from personal experience the trainer is more on the douchy side. The other guy is pretty cool, down to earth.

Why do teachers/instructors/trainers take it so personally when a student decides to go elsewhere?

Here's a promotional video, fight is tomorrow :

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-6W7QS_6JA"]YouTube - Steve Knogl vs Shannon Walsh Shamrock MMA: Bad Blood April 2nd Preview[/ame]

 

Some students I encourage to go elsewhere, when I feel they could learn a particular thing better from someone else.

But when students leave, that hurts. I teach my own system so it always feels personal.

 

because they lose income?

 

probably because the instructor will loose money and he thinks hes better than other instructors

 

I find that really petty and childish. It's the student's own damn life, they're not morally obliged to keep going to a school they're not happy with for any reason.

 

But would you take it personally to the point where you would challenge your student(s) to a match?

Los of income is one thing. Our school doesn't charge a lot on a monthly basis, there are no contracts, so it can't be that much.

To me it seems like it's just all about "well I thought you everything you know and I'm better than you"....

Agreed. I don't think there's a reason to make it all personal...

 

Because he has offended him, his instructor, his grandmaster and the whole Shaolin temple.

 

No. It's not that kind of personal.

 

Hehe. I've made this point before and I will again: MA instructors are just people who give a service for money, like everyone else.

Does your hairdresser have the right to get nasty if you go somewhere else for that new style you wanted?

Does your doctor have the right to get offended if you go elsewhere?

Nope. And it's no different with martial arts teachers. The only thing you owe them is the class fee when you walk in the door to train.

 

...Are there a lot of these kinds of MMA gyms? Where you gotta fight your trainer if you want to leave..? =[

 

That's how we roll..."if you're not with us, you're against us"

 

So you can't just go there to learn a skill, and leave if you feel it's not for you any more?

That sucks to so many orders of magnitude....

 

While I agree with your post up to a point I don't agree with that.
It is different. The degree of the relationship varies of course but I'd say even at its most basic the relationship between instructor and student is different than hairdresser and haircuttee.

 

well said mate. in the first place if it comes to this then the instructor isnt a very well liked person with my master it would never come to this as people have respect form him as he does his students and if they are uncomfortable he will do what he can to help. sounds like this particular instructor has a chip on his shoulder to me

 

It's a lot more personal, to be sure. But ultimately it is equivalent in that they are providing a service and you are paying for it. You don't owe them extra stuff any more than you owe your hairdresser special treatment or loyalty.

 

Watching the fight video I all kept thinking was "triple decker pecker wrecker"

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kbdhXmJtjQ"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kbdhXmJtjQ[/ame]

 

Note to self, when I move somewhere near a MMA school, be sure it's a good one. I don't want to end up with brutes like him feeling I'm obliged to stay permanently...

 

We don't want you to go around and tell others about t3h d3adly skills we teach, afterwards

True, it is different....

 

maybe cause its cause ye spend a lot of time on your student especially one whod been there for years and then one day they bugger off and......

Kind of like how some ofmy blackbelts said they felt when some white belts come, they spend a few months on them and they quit. the BB feels bad cause he put some time into them.

They wouldn't go so far as to want to fight em though.

 

Osu Coronavirus,


I respect how you feel towards your instructors, but I believe you are missing out.
Of course, I don't know what the real story is between the concerned parties, and I agree that beating up a student that wants to leave sounds a little bit extreme and ego, spite or disappointment driven ----- I disapprove of it but can, to some extent, understand the sense of betrayal the instructor may feel. Yet, it could possibly be a means of opening a student eyes to things he has not learned yet.

From my experience, there is so much more to a kohai/sempai relationship than an exchange of money for instruction... To name a few, there is trust, friendship, intimate knowledge build from suffering together.
It takes time for the student to build the trust needed to really learn from his instructor; even more time for the instructor to trust the student enough to teach him things that few others will ever know.
I know I am very fortunate with my instructor, but I believe that very often both a student and an instructor grow from the relationship & frequent interaction.

There are things that money can't buy: reducing it to "I paid you, I owe you nothing" is making a poor excuse! (similar to gauging the value of everyone based solely on their net worth... Even bankers know better than that!)
If this is how you feel with your present instructor, I would encourage you to look deeper into the relationship and find better reasons to hang in there... if you really cannot find any, maybe it is a signal that you should try to find another one?


respectfully,
osu!