Who's to blame?

Discussion in 'Off Topic Area' started by Moi, Jul 14, 2013.

  1. Moi

    Moi Warriors live forever x

    Just a bit of fun :)

    So another morality question for all you upright and sensible mappers

    So in adultery, who is to blame? Is it the married person, after all they've taken a vow. Is it the third party, now of course you going to have knowing and unknowing here, I'm guessing most of the unknowing will suspect something surely?? Anyway..... Then you have the third option. The injured party within the three sided relationship, don't they have some blame in their partner not being happy?

    Oh and as its a martial arts website....... What's the punishment? Within TOS please xx
     
  2. Blade96

    Blade96 shotokan karateka

    I dated a married man. I knew it was wrong, but I dont blame myself for his cheating, after all, I know he had cheated all through out while he and his wife were dating, and even all through their marriage as well. I was just one of his many conquests. And although he did try to blame me for the breakup of his marriage, I wasnt having any of it. His marriage broke down long before he ever knew me.
     
  3. El Medico

    El Medico Valued Member

    Who's to blame?


    DNA. It would seem historically apparent that monogamy is not a natural,but rather a societal human condition.

    As to punishment..... I dunno.Hellfire,brimstone,eternal damnation?:evil:

    Not that there's any historical evidence to support that!
     
  4. Moi

    Moi Warriors live forever x

    So it's just the way we are? How is it some people never cheat and some never stop?
     
  5. El Medico

    El Medico Valued Member

    Aw c'mon. Everybody knows the woman is ALWAYS to blame. Just ask any guy.

    "I don't blame my best friend/brother/father/etc, I blame her."

    How many times have I heard that? Way too many.

    Now really,such logic is simply irrefutable.

    Riiiiiight.


    Well,societal mores aside,people are individuals. When it came to ice cream my father-in-law only ate vanilla.When it comes to ice cream I'm a strong follower of the varieties of religious experience.

    I had a relative who was a major studly type even during his first marriage. To the best of anyone's knowledge neither of his parents played about.Ever. People don't have to even be unhappy in a current relationship to hop around. For some it's just "If it feels good do it",as the song went.

    Just part of the human condition,I guess.We all make choices.
     
  6. Blade96

    Blade96 shotokan karateka

    Totally irrefutable.

    :p
     
  7. Dave76

    Dave76 Valued Member

    I'm not buying the whole "it's biology, I can't help it" excuse, its a bunch of hogwash. Especially in today's world. If you don't want to be monogamous, there is nothing wrong with that. Find a partner who feels the same way, there are lots of them out there. If you make a promise, keep it! If you are not gonna keep it, don't make it.
     
  8. Moosey

    Moosey invariably, a moose Supporter

    I don't know who's to blame, per se, but I would say that any parties that are married or in a relationship are more morally reprehensible as they are breaking a vow to another person and violating a trust.

    Obviously various circumstances apply, but that would be my gut feeling.
     
  9. LeaFirebender

    LeaFirebender Ice Bear has ninja stars

    I'd say its both the married person and their mister(ess)'s fault. If they've gotten "bored"
    Of their spouse or whatever, I feel they need to try to fix things at home rather than lie. But fault is a dodgy thing that really does nothing to cure the present.
     
  10. Princess Haru

    Princess Haru Valued Member

    I agree with Moosey. I have a friend who was involved with someone who was engaged. This guy still got married (not to my friend who he was still seeing). I don't know why. I thought she was wrong. It's not like she can have a normal relationship with him. The sex cannot be that good, I don't believe it. Even though this was my friend I felt sorry for the female partner of the guy. Its this principle which means that if I meet someone they are not coming around to mine unless I also see where they live, no excuses.

    ....oh, and I have a few Poly friends, and while it isn't my thing, so long as the other person knows and is okay with it then I guess it's okay, but I would need to hear it from them, could be a very convenient excuse for married men (or women).
     
    Last edited: Jul 14, 2013
  11. Smitfire

    Smitfire Cactus Schlong

    I have no idea why someone would go so far as getting married while still shagging other people?
    By all means shag as many people as you can convince to partake but why then make the commitment to get married?
    If you know that's what yuo are like?
     
  12. Princess Haru

    Princess Haru Valued Member

    I know. It seemed barking to me. Of course I couldn't tell my friend that when she occasionally shares some titbit on her love life. I tend to keep quiet about such stuff, well except for the rope bondage ;) my Judo friends in the pub last Thursday didn't believe the marks on my arms were from a skipping rope, and they were, really! Those cheap speed ropes are dangerous
     
  13. Moosey

    Moosey invariably, a moose Supporter

    But did you enable his cheating?

    A man like that can't cheat if there aren't women willing to turn a blind eye to the fact that he's married; to make him think "I'm so irresistable that women will go for me even though they know I'm married! I must be AMAZING!".

    I think the party breaking their vows is more morally wrong, but I do also have a problem with those who feed their delusions of irresistability.
     
  14. Dave76

    Dave76 Valued Member

    Perhaps the married one is not the only party feeding delusions of irresistability.
     
  15. Blade96

    Blade96 shotokan karateka

    Probably did. I was naive though, when it came to such things as datin g in the dojo and stuff. Didnt matter though if I left him, I'm pretty sure he was with his now gf even before I left him. I think he knew I was gonna leave him before I actually left.

    I couldnt have done anything to stop his cheating.

    I personally think the blame lies on the married cheating one. Sure they couldnt cheat if everybody said no. But thats not where the answer to the problem and the problem itself lies.
     
    Last edited: Jul 14, 2013
  16. Aegis

    Aegis River Guardian Admin Supporter

    Surely this is making the mistake of assuming that love and sex are identical? If you accept that the two are different, there's nothing incompatible with marriage and sleeping around.

    Of course, this might also be me assuming that marriage and love are synonymous!
     
  17. Dan93

    Dan93 Valued Member

    If you are in relationship and have not beforehand agreed that it is an open relationship I personally feel you owe it your partner to be honest. If I wanted to see other people I would end it with my partner beforehand, especially if there are kids involved.

    I have when I was younger blurred the lines (not with my current through) and I have had it done to me so I can see the other perspectives but it is down to to your ego, lack of respect for others and in some cases insecurity.
    Anyone who has discovered they have been cheated on will tell you how much it hurts and the psychologial damage it can cause.

    I hold pretty liberal views on most things but you owe it to be honest to your partner and yourself, I personally find it more rewarding to put all my effort into my partner and make it my lifes work to simply make her happy.

    Osu!

    Dan93
     
  18. Smitfire

    Smitfire Cactus Schlong

    Oh sure...just so long as your marriage vows include "I can shag other people" and your spouse agrees that's what you are allowed to do then, it'd be an odd sort of marriage, fill ya boots.
     
  19. Aegis

    Aegis River Guardian Admin Supporter

    My marriage vows were, paraphrased, "I take you to be my wife in front of all these witnesses, here's a ring". The terms of our marriage are for us to agree privately ;)
     
  20. Smitfire

    Smitfire Cactus Schlong

    Fair play.
    Looks like you got the best of both worlds perhaps? :)
     

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