What are the most annoying thing parents do in the Dojo?

Hi,

I am making a list of rules for parents to following while waiting for or watching their kids train in the Dojo. so far I have added things that annoy not only me, but the students training as well such as:

No eating food in the dojo during classes

bring all conversations out side

No smoking in or near the dojo entrance

No coaching your kid well class in going on

I am drawing a blank from here and was hoping to get other peoples opinions and stories about the annoying things some parents do.

 

Going to a teacher when he does something with/ to your kid, be it showing techniques or disciplining it - when the teacher says: Now you do those ten push-ups the kid has to do them, no matter if the parents like that or not.
And if he tries to teach it a backward roll no "My little John Doe doesn't need to do that, because he's so *whatever*" (unless there is really a good reason of course).

 

I don't understand the phenomenon, but I've spoken with my wife and several other friends (not from the States) and they've noticed it as well - why, whenever the white, suburban American mother encounters another white, suburban American mother its as if they've spent nearly the entirety of their lives stranded on an alien planet and have now encountered another human for the first time.

Regardless of what is going on, how many people lie between them, regardless of the auspiciousness of the occasion, they always manage to find one another and they RUN towards each other, pushing anyone in between aside (literally) with arms outstretched until their passion can be consummated by hugging each other in their arms.

At which point their voices rise 3 octaves in pitch to the prescribed falsetto (as if talking to a baby) and wherever they are - in a line, in the midst of a throng of enraged cattle but in particular - on the bleachers, stands and benches of their children's football, baseball games and martial arts classes - they begin that incessant, rabid chattering, oblivious to any and all else for the remainder of the game or class.

Mind you, they enacted the same, exact ritual in the que-line dropping off their children at school earlier that morning.


When I say oblivious to all else - I am not exaggerating. I'd had enough of two of them behind us - at one of our son's TKD belt ceremonies years ago, I turned around and stuck both of my middle finger within inches of their gobs and -

THEY DIDN'T BLINK AN EYE :wow: but kept on with yabbering about some banal triviality.

I've not observed this phenomena in any other species save for the upper-mid class, baseball-hat wearing, white suburban with her kind.

Boxing gyms seem to be the only respite. The mother's who do come are very cool and seem to know where they are at and what they are supposed to be doing there.

Most odd...

 

Not train.

A lot of parents want to put their kids in physical activities because they want to promote healthy behaviours. You know what really promotes healthy behaviours? Modelling them for your kids. Martial arts is one of the rare physical sporting type activities where you can actually do it right beside your kids and sometimes even with them.

Even after I explain this to parents they all just want to sit on the sidelines. I've even offered to teach parents for free so they can model healthy behaviours for their kids, the impact of which can last a lifetime. None of them ever took me up on it.

 

I always had a standard rule when I was teaching kids that I would arrive to class 30 minutes before class to answer all questions by parents and would stay 30 minutes after for the same purpose.. I had it written on my rule sheet that no distractions were allowed unless it was an emergency as the kids were on my time and I did not appreciate any disturbances.. I also had a firm commitment by the parents that they would abide by the rules..

I also at one time had a rule that if the student had a grade point average below a 2.5, they would be suspended from class until their grades came up.. This was appreciated by the majority of the parents as I made it clear that education was more important than martial arts.. I had one parent contest the rule, needless to say the student didn't stay in the class after he failed a whole semester of high school..

But then again, the majority of my students were military family members and the discipline and self respect and recognition they got after training was the biggest impact the parents told me

 

I remember working on my son's poomse quite often, motivating him to go in when he didn't feel up to it, helping him out for his belt tests. Even I not taking the class, I learned a lot from doing that.

In fact it was my kid's involvement in MA that led to mine.

That's telling, innit? EDIT: another rant from belltoller, the world needs not

 

When I was helping my Sifu with the kids class the worst thing I saw was parents vicariously living through their kids. Telling them that they're better than the other kids in the class, putting them in two or three other classes besides ours (which only leads to confusion, especially when it's two similar CMA's). Also there are the parents who think that ranking is some form of race for their kids to compete in, and if they don't pass alongside the classmates that have been there 3, 6, or 12 months longer, then their kid is less of a human being. I definitely see those mentalities as a result of the lack of excitement in the parents lives.

Absolutely. I love when parents ask if they're allowed to attend the adult class and learn some of the movements to help the kids learn. Then there are the parents who, during class, get their kids attention and try to imitate the movements with a stern look on their face... as if to say "do it harder/better," or "do it right or you don't get dinner." Way to undermine mine or my Sifu's teaching.

 

But then you want them to disappear. It doesn't always work that way - nice n neat - like.

Believe it or not, they probably think they are "helping" you. But I agree, they don't realise that they are usurping your command.

I'm curious. Which would you consider more disrespectful? An over zealous parent in the wings trying to get addled Johnny to pay attention to his MA - because he thought the class important enough for that or a group of mum's discussing how to colour-coordinate their tennis outfits for the next day's get-together - not once looking up to see who they were disturbing or that their children were manifesting marked attention issues?

who do you think would be more approachable if you wanted to ask them to approach things differently? The parent-coach or the other group?

Honestly, I never saw that in our kids MA activities - if anything there was a blatant lack of interest on the part of the mostly mothers in attendance.

I have seen that in team-sports, however and my-god, you want to talk about parents living vicariously through the efforts of their children?

You think a parent on the sidelines, winking and gesturing toward a student is an example of bad parenting?

You've been sheltered, my friend.

You should come out to the junior league baseball and football games of the 10 and 11 year old players. The fist fights that break out amongst the parents are so common place that the Sheriffs office began stationing details at the games.

It's not uncommon to hear a parent yell out to their son, who is up for bat in a baseball game, for example, yell out "Their pitchers a piece of (you know) he's throwing all over the place, let him hit you and walk" - a walk in baseball is when an errant pitcher hits the batter by mistake and the batter walks to the base - its usually very painful.

No one raises an eyebrow.

The worst is by the coaches to their own sons.

It was so bad in my younger son's baseball league, with all the name-calling, belittling of players and so forth we pulled him out mid-season.

I'm wondering how football will be

So, tell some more about this bad parenting you keep seeing.

 

As a repetitive thing? That would be over the top.


...

I would NEVER do that!

...

 

The thing that really bugs me is when young Liam has been caught napping in paired work and taken a whack in the side of the head from young Daisy. This is where the response of the parent can go one of three ways.

1.preferable - the parent makes an encouraging face and urges the child to pay attention without uttering a word.
2.acceptable - the parent urges the child to pay attention verbally but without stepping onto the mat or disrupting the class.
3.so wrong it beggars belief - the parent comes crashing onto the mat and screams "go on Liam, hit her back, what are you? some kind of <insert homophobic slur here>".

Fortunately most of the parents in classes I have taught at have been of type 2, although I have had to eject a couple of type 3s from the dojo before...usually before Daisy's parent comes crashing onto the mat to escalate the situation.

 

It didn't really happen when i was training, but parents drinking during comps was kind of sort of an issue when i was a kid, it never got super out of hand, but a solid handful of times it looked like it was gonna kick off in the stands, granted, at least no one tried to coach anyone incorrectly, it was usually either sound advice or yelling something vague like "smash his bloody head in, boy".

Dad was always the excitable type though.

 

I had a mandate at my classes. For the first two weeks, all parents had to participate in class. And no child was to be "dropped off"

Sure, I lost a few students. And sure, there was a point some parents did not continue after the two week participation. But I was not going to allow the school to be a evening daycare or parent get-together expo. I wasn't not going to succumb to a total commercial mode that I had to satisfy the students/parents "as if" they were "customers" needing to be appeased at every whim

We made it fun as well as strict-discipline. Students and parents laughed when it was fun, as well as being quiet when it was serious.

The rules of the school was outlined in the written school handbook. So when parents signed up their kids, they knew how it was going to be

 

Not sure about that - what's with parents, that just don't have time to attend their kids classes, because they have to work?

When I used to play soccer my Mom would not have been able to come to the games let alone the training sessions.

 

Walking on to the do-jang floor to challenge the instructor for disciplining their child.

Insisting their child can't do ... because they have every disease / condition / illness known to man.

Saying that x, y or z won't work in a real fight (even though their child trains there).

 

How many parents have you decapitated with a hook kick for saying that?

 

So a parent shouldn't "make time" for their "child's activities"?

Even a little?

Its "Oh, here Johnny, play soccer, I will not come see you play at all or moitor-partake. Here is some cash to buy your supplies"

Yes, I can agree, that work is a priority.

But to we live to work or work to live?

 

Ha. Holding my foot an inch from their face when they said that is one of my usual tricks.

 

I take myself as an example, because... well, I was there
But it goes for many families.

I'd walk 20-30 minutes to my training place for soccer (which was never a problem, little town, nothing dangerous; it was at the same place as my school) - so when I'm able to go there alone, why would I need my Mommy to take me there?

Personally I always hated it, when my Mom would be at a place, where I was to learn something - it just wasn't right for me.
(She would never have said anything or intervened with the coaches. When I did something that would need punishment that was my problem )

And just take a little time?
Not sure how it is for others but my Mom couldn't decide: "Oh, now I won't work today, because my kid has a practice session!".
That would have worked for the first time maybe, but regularly? Never.
Especially not for regular training, which was twice a week.
And it wasn't about not being interested or anything.

And since we needed the money for little stuff like rent, food and the such...

So in short: I wouldn't have wanted my Mom there.
And she couldn't (still can't) decide not to work at certain times regularly. Not for something, in comparison, unimportant as normal soccer practice.