Was I wrong?

Discussion in 'Off Topic Area' started by alister, Jul 16, 2007.

  1. alister

    alister Huh?

    Hi all, just need to offload something that happened to me last night and has left me feeling a bit depressed… you know how it is..running it over and over in your mind, what you could/should have done differently. I really don’t want to beat myself up but that’s how I am.

    Anyway, apologies in advance for what may become a long post, but some of the detail is important context stuff.

    Here’s the background.

    I live in a fairly typical suburban area. I have no driveway as the cost of doing that and getting the kerb dropped is prohibitive. I have 1 car which I usually park in the road in front of my house. I/we need to do this as we have two 2 year olds and all their kit, which is not only a pain if you need to lug it down the road, but also a safety issue as 2 year olds are not renowned for being road-wise.

    The difficulty is that pretty much all of our neighbours have , on average, 5 cars per household (older kids still living at home). All have driveways, which can fit at least 2 cars if they park sensibly. In the space outside my house, you can fit up to 4 cars if you park sensibly. Then there are random spots up and down the rest of the street.

    For the last two months, one of the kids (about 18/19yrs) down the road, has had his car parked on the road outside our house because it’s on Sale. I should mention at this point it’s a beat up boy racer Vauxhall Corsa – you know the sort, S reg, big exhaust, huge speakers, tinted windows – he’s selling it for 2 grand. (he has a new car which he also parks in the road) By parking it where it is (he could easily put it on his drive or at least in front of is own house), he’s causing all sorts of problems for everyone, not least us. We’ve spoken to them before and asked them to just consider that we need to park close. They just shrug and blame everyone else. Everyone else is the same – it’s all “it’s not me, it’s everyone else”. I don’t think it’s too much to ask for a little bit of consideration – we have one car, no drive. They all have 5 cars and all have drives – am I being unreasonable?

    Anyway, here’s the crunch…

    Last night, my wife got back and the road was jammed – not a single parking space in the whole street. My kids were in the car, one was asleep. The space we would normally take was taken by visiting family members of the kid with the Corsa (they could easily have parked on their drive or in front of their house). We needed to get the kids in so we parked in front of their house, in front of their drive (although if they’d have needed to they could have got out) It was plain to see why we’d done what we’d done. It was our intention that as soon as the visiting car left, we would move our car.

    In the meantime, boy racer returns home in his new car and jams us in, parking literally touching bumpers. When their visitors left, I went round – here’s a rough transcript of the event.

    Me: Hi, can you move your car then I can get mine out of your way
    Him: Can you make sure you don’t park there again?
    Me: Don’t get smart with me – it’s obvious why I’ve done what I’ve done
    Him: Well I’ll get the police to move it next time.
    Me: I’m warning you, don’t get *ing cocky. If you moved that piece of junk that’s been sat there for two months, we wouldn’t have a problem. Who do you think you’re kidding? 2 Grand? For that!? You don’t have to be a d1ck about it – a bit of consideration that’s all I’m asking.
    Him: you’re the one swearing
    Me: ‘cos you’re being an @hole,, you little pr1k.

    There was probably a lot more swearing from me too.

    Then, this is the best bit – as he’s walking back in to his house:

    Him: speak to me like that again and I’ll knock your *ing block off (he really did say that! :D )
    Me: You what?
    Him: speak to me like that again and I’ll knock your *ing block off
    Me: Well don’t just *ing stand there like a girl, come on then!

    At this point my wife can see where this might be going and tells me to leave it.

    I went back in seething. Cheeky little etc etc... and so on. :woo:

    As I calmed down a little I remained certain that I was in the right in principle – I don’t think it’s to much to ask for a bit of consideration, and when I first went round I had been very polite – even friendly. Admittedly, I had been expecting him to make some smart comment – the way he had blocked me in said it all, so it was a touch paper kind of situation. But, did I over-react?

    Anyway, I don’t want things to be difficult for anyone, so after talking to my wife I went round there again to apologise. :Angel: His dad answered the door while he skulked in the background. I said my piece about losing my temper, but maintaining how difficult things are by the parking situation (also pointing out that it’s not 100% his fault). We shook hands and agreed we didn’t want any bad feeling and that was that.

    So, did I over-react? I could have dealt with it better, but it was something that’s been building over months and his smart comments didn’t help dampen flames. I dunno – I kind of felt better after apologizing, but can’t stop this rolling around my head.

    Dunno what I’m expecting, but thanks for reading if you got this far. Comments welcomed.

    Cheers
     
  2. slipthejab

    slipthejab Hark, a vagrant! Supporter

    The kids sounds like a real idiot. Since you live there and have to deal with him on what seems almost like a daily basis... and you have children and wife... I guess torching his car isn't going to be the most strategic answer...

    but it sure would feel good no? :D
     
  3. Johnno

    Johnno Valued Member

    I know when something has been getting on your wick for ages that it's very easy to blow up when you finally get to speak to the person responsible.

    But to be totally objective about it, I'd say you escalated it too quickly into a row, and didn't really achieve anything. When he asked you not to park in front of his parents' drive again, that was a perfect opportunity to point out that you had no choice because people keep parking in front of your house. Of couse, saying it might not change anything - but it might just make him think that it would be less aggravation for him if he chose someone else's house to park in front of!

    The problem is that you have absolutely no more rights to park on the street in front of your house than anyone else does, I'm afraid. The best you can hope for is for your neighbours to show you some consideration due to your circumstances.

    I'm sorry to hear how things have developed, because I'd say the chances of getting any consideration from that particular family have now gone from 'slim' to 'none'. But I hope you manage to sort things out somehow.
     
  4. Emil

    Emil Valued Member

    I agree with Johnno (I refuse to call him by his new name :D), but I'd like to add that you shouldn't get so hung up on it. We all do stupid things. There nothing you can do about it once it's done, so just let it go.

    Em
     
  5. SteelyPhil

    SteelyPhil Messiah of Lovelamb

    Sounds like you overreacted a bit, though i assume this has been going on for a simliarly long time in that they are bad neighbours?
    My mum is the worst. I live in like a small square surrounded by houses (enough space for 6 cars and there is 8 houses). Anyway, someone left their car on the side for the better part of a month, the moment the tax ran out my mum rang for it saying it was abandoned and had it towed..... lol. Good days.
     
  6. Johnno

    Johnno Valued Member

    :Aegis: :saz:
     
  7. Moosey

    Moosey invariably, a moose Supporter

    Yes, you over-reacted quite badly. You were the one who started swearing. You were the one who started throwing personal insults. You were the one who called him back to fight you when he was walking away. You escalated the situation from a disagreement over parking space to a potential fistfight.

    I'm not saying I don't understand why you did it, but imagine if you'd clocked him and then had to explain to the police that either you'd punched him because he parked in your parking space (*clink*) or you'd verbally abused him and challenged him to a fight when he was trying to walk away (*clink clink*).

    However, it seems to me that you did the right thing by going round there and apologising. Not many people would have the nuts to do that and you've shown yourself be a person with a sense of honour but not someone to mess about with - which may work in your favour in future "discussions" with them.

    I reckon it's worth working on how to be assertive without escalating a situation from a dispute into a potentially violent situation. It's easy with young lads like the guy you're talking about for every situation to turn into a competition to see who's alpha male (especially since he lives with his parents so clearly isn't the alpha male!).
     
  8. Johnno

    Johnno Valued Member

    Doh!

    I completely missed the bit about you goinng round and apologising. :eek:

    I think that was the right thing to do, and so hopefully youir point will still have been forecefully made, but without the whole thing turning into a 'neighbours from hell'-type feud.

    And if he now thinks that you're a bit of a 'nutter' then that might just work to your advantage! ;)
     
  9. Shadow_of_Evil

    Shadow_of_Evil wants to go climbing...

    Yeah you may have over reacted...but good on you. :)
     
  10. adouglasmhor

    adouglasmhor Not an Objectivist

    It's not illegal to block someones drive in the UK, you have to move to let them out - but not to let them in, unless they have an official white line over the driveway then you cant park there. The police wouldn't move it for boy racer anyway they might tell you to move it in the interests of neighbourhood peace.

    If it really bugs you and he keeps doing it despite being asked not too, buy some spray mastic - cash and from a market is best, next time the little darling parks in front of your house, fill his exhaust with it, wear disposable gloves, watch the fun as he tries to get it going and think of what it will cost him to buy a new boy racer non standard.exhaust. (Venting type fantasy not a real suggestion)
     
  11. SteelyPhil

    SteelyPhil Messiah of Lovelamb

    :topic: Not to bring my mum into it again, but she burnt some guys building supplies who had left them outside my neighbours house for 3 months lol :topic:
     
  12. alister

    alister Huh?

    Sounds either very well though through or based in reality. The detail is exquisite! :D
     
  13. holyheadjch

    holyheadjch Valued Member

    I think losing your rag probably lost you a point or two in the 'who's right' battle, but the guy is clearly an ass. You could always call the council and anonymously report an abandoned car. Might motivate him to move it on a bit faster.
     
  14. Shadow_of_Evil

    Shadow_of_Evil wants to go climbing...

    Wait for it all to die down...then jack his car.
     
  15. SteelyPhil

    SteelyPhil Messiah of Lovelamb

    I feel like conforming to Liverpool stereotypes..... steal his tires, its not only highly amusing but very difficult to prove that it was you who did it (assuming you don't then put the tired on your car... admittedly that could be even funnier)
     
  16. JHughes

    JHughes New Member

    y know i've the same sort of problem where i live. these fat people whereever they like and yes we have asked them to move but oh know they park where ever they like.

    in my opinion knowing how frustrating it can be no you were well in the right.

    you doing BJJ and everything and also saying what you needed say etc.

    here itfrom someone who has to put up with it as well you were in the right ;)
     
  17. Davey Bones

    Davey Bones New Member

    You went completely overboard. While I appreciate you taking the time and effort to apologize, this should not have happened in the first place. Period.
     
  18. alister

    alister Huh?

    Agreed...which is why I apologised.



    Agree again, but only in as much as if people had a bit more consideration for others then there would never have been any fuel for the flames...or am I wrong to judge others by my own standards?

    Oh to be unnaffected by the selfish ignorance of others.
     
  19. Davey Bones

    Davey Bones New Member

    Hey, I agree 150% that these people are being inconsiderate louts with multiple cars and no room for folks with one. I have a similar problem at my apartment complex, parking is a complete pain in the butt. Hell, the first night we had my ex's new car it got parked in and dinged.

    But you're an adult. The fact of the matter is that you can't just yell at these fokls. I do like the idea of calling and reporting the junker. If it's been in the same spot for two months, methinks he ought to at least put the darn thing on his own lawn. You may also want to do the driveway thing, this is why when it comes time for me to get a house I'll only go with one which has off-street parking...
     
  20. adouglasmhor

    adouglasmhor Not an Objectivist

    You could lay your own driveway for £400 in materials and 2 days work. No idea what it would cost to drop the kerb.

    edited to add much less if you go for slabs and not pavers.
     
    Last edited: Jul 16, 2007

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