If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds till what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris. It as once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Chuck Norris doesn't believe in God. God believes in Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris." Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad h e has never cried. It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill. When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy sh*t! That's Chuck Norris!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with. Chuck Norris can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis. Chuck Norris can divide by zero. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya!". Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!" The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. Chuck Norris often asks people to pull his finger. When they do, he roundhouses them in the abdomen. Then he farts. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming "Law" and "Order" are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
ahhhh!!!!!! if i get another email to do with chuck norris or see a post like this i'm going to crack!!! :bang:
Yeah, it's been done before, but there's some new ones here I've not seen before: "There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live." < Cracked me up!
ive had an idea! i really think we should start a Chuck Norris pics thread to pay the legend his proper homage!!! !!!!!!!!WATCH THIS SPACE!!!!!!!!
That's from the Chuck Norris Fact Generator site, isn't it - which is attached to the Vin Diesel fact generator site. Also, it's very similar to http://staubin.cjb.cc
I wonder how much that cost him. Chuck Norris once walked down a street with an erection. There were no survivors.
What about the fact that Chuck sends in photos of Chuck crouching to the IRS with his tax returns. Chuck Norris has never had to pay any taxes. hux, yes, Chuck should wear a t-shirt. Remember when he fought Bruce Lee in Rome? Hopefully he has had his back lasered by now. Wonder how many lasers it took???
hehe thats the thing about the Chuckster though! hes a master of disguise. You see him with beards one min then he pops up with a fully waxed body and shaven face!. Its funny you should post that picture because my stepdad has just shaved his goatie off for the first time in years!. I now have a new nick name for him!!!
