The Code

Discussion in 'Off Topic Area' started by Melanie, May 18, 2002.

  1. Melanie

    Melanie Bend the rules somewhat.. Supporter

    A man posted this on another forum...thought the would help the women of the forum...

    In a fight of insanity, I am openly posting this in hopes to better the Female understanding of Male psyche!
    Sorry guys, I'm just feeling Sooo Misunderstood!

    This is it. So it has been written, so it shall be....

    The CODE

    1. Thou shall not rent the movie Chocolat.

    2. Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella.

    3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.

    4. When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.

    5. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

    6. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call BULLSHIIT (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent)

    7. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever.

    8. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 babe scale.

    9. Complaining about the brand of free beer in a buddy's refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.

    10. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friends birthday is strictly optional and slightly gay.

    11. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.

    12. Before dating a buddy's "ex", you are required to ask his permission and he in return is required to grant it.

    13. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.

    14. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem. * You didn't see nothin'.

    15. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.

    16. A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.

    17. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

    18. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiny friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses about joining the priesthood.

    19. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and a topless supermodel delivers it...and it's free.

    20. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

    21. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

    22. If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs
    is a good ass-whoopin", then you may sit back and enjoy.

    23. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting: "Yeah, baby, push it!" "C'mon, give me one more! Harder!" "Another set and we can hit the showers." " Nice asss, are you a Sagittarius?"

    24. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.

    25. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be referring to his beer.

    26. Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, except when she's withholding sex pending your response.

    27. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.

    28. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him...too gay!!
  2. Cooler

    Cooler Keepin The Peace Supporter

    LOL :D

  3. Dragon_Princess

    Dragon_Princess Princess Available

    dayum. lmao...i hope a certain guy reads this. hehe :)
  4. TkdWarrior

    TkdWarrior Valued Member

  5. pgm316

    pgm316 lifting metal

    Very good, but points 11 & 12 are wrong!

    You will always be mocked for having sex with a beast for whatever reason, however still respected for having sex, which must be duly noted!

    Never go with a friends ex, if its a good friend just don't go there! Ever!

  6. Freeform

    Freeform Fully operational War-Pig Supporter

    Silver, you are duely warned!!!

    Spike, it wasn't your fault, nothing to be ashamed of mate!
  7. Spike

    Spike New Member

    I was young I needed the money
  8. Terry Matthes

    Terry Matthes New Member

    Ahh yes the rules of being a man. I read those in Maxim Magazine a few months back. I strictly adhear to all of them and consider them to be my bible :) I like number 22, I have just had too many friends open their mouths and indirectly get me in trouble!
  9. pgm316

    pgm316 lifting metal

    But number 22, surely if the guy is still your buddy you wouldn't sit back and let him get a good kickin. This list was wrote by some unrealistic people......

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