Tell me your problems, my pretties

In my plan for world domination I plan to steal all the cheesecake. That's right Frodocious. ALL the cheesecake.





MUH HA HA!!!





But in the meantime I will make as many people as flexible as possible. Quite what that has to do with cheesecake is anybody's guess. Maybe you can all join my army of superkickers and we can finally -- FINALLY! -- launch the crusade against punching.

To that end I will be relaunching my super sexy stretchy blog this week. There will be much stretching. There will be much sexytimes. There will be much super-ness. Oh yes. There will.

I've got a catalogue of articles I'll be steadily publishing over the coming weeks and months. But I want to include a "flexibility clinic" section where I answer your questions and problems. Like Dr. Phil. But without the doctorate. Or the killer moustache. Or the name Phil. Yeah... anyway. Reply to this post with your biggest dilemmas, questions, problems, trials, tribulations, heartaches and heartbreaks. I can't promise you a wife. Or a husband. Or both. But I can promise you cheesecake. Because I will have it ALL!

When I get round to answering your questions I'll post the answers in this forum as well as my blog.

Much love to my cru. Innit.

 

I need assistance with a routine for my quadratus lumbar - left side only. I tore it a few years ago and it is still not right

 

The beast at Tanagra...

Well I've got knackered knees.

Can you fix them?

I'd also like a winning lottery ticket.





Seriously though my usual training has had to take a back seat as my knees need time to get right but in the mean time I'm also cross training in a system that has a fair bit of kicking.

Kicking doesn't give me any grief as such in the knees, oddly enough.

I've just discovered I'm not 20 anymore and can't kick. :cry: my hips are very stiff and I'm a little cautious about how to go about fixing it.

My legs are unbalanced as far as strength goes and it's the muscles supporting the knees that are weak. So while I could probably knock myself a Kurz inspired routine up I'm a bit reluctant.

 

He also has a worrying rash......

 

I've similarish problems (the knees, not the rash) and had thought doing weights would help. The guys at Judo fight club are not very supportive about my doing weights. This is starting to ramble a bit so I'll try to get to the point. Even in Judo a bit of flexibility is useful, my attempt to sneak in the occasional Uchi Mata is often hampered by not being able to push my leg up enough while pulling them around and down. What kind of stretches should I do outside Judo, say after class or after my weights?

 

I want to win the lottery, too!

Apart from this, I have a question on isometric stretching
During the contraction, I know I am *not* supposed to hold onto chairs or stuff, but what if I need to? When I'm stretched as much as I can I can't hold myself up at all, or I'll keep on sliding - especially the side split. I'm not quite sure wheter it's the floor or my lack of strength, but still I have to hold to the chair while tensing so it doesn't become suicide stretching
Should I decrease the stretch so I can support myself without the chair or what?

 

And no social life apparently.

 

Another one for knees. Not me I'm perfect x
A 'friend'

 

so what's a good way to sort out imbecilically tight anterior delts, biceps/coracobrachialis, and the flexor/pronator side of the forearm?

 

Is this just for stretching-type-stuff, or can you help us with personal problems too? I'm thinking that you could become the Claire Rayner of MAP.

 

I really don't think he's ready for me just yet then!

 

Some call me Claire Rayner. Others call me the Splits Whisperer.

 

Some people call you the gangster of love, I believe.

 

I thought some people called him Maurice?

 

Yes, I believe that to be the case. And there are even those who call him the space cowboy.

 

What are some good ways for "hard-gainers" to put on muscle and weight? (aside from the obvious "eat more")

 

Yes but let's not be jokers anymore after all we're here to hear him speak of the pompatus of kicking.

People in class keep talking about me, say I'm kicking all wrong but there's no worry, no worry because Van Zandt is right here at home.

 

^ This....

^And This