Sticky Situations - And How You Got Out of Them

Discussion in 'Self Defence' started by Endolphins, Oct 29, 2016.

  1. Endolphins

    Endolphins Valued Member

    This thread is for people who'd like to share stories of dangerous situations and how they got out of them, whether it be verbally, behaviourally or through self-defence or in any other way. These stories may be helpful for those who may find themselves in similar situations in the future.

    I'll begin.

    I'd like to share a story, consisting of a fateful night in my varsity years, in which the events got progressively worse as the night progressed to the point where I was genuinely in fear for my life and well-being.

    One Saturday evening, I was with a friend of mine and his girlfriend and we decided to go out clubbing with his cousins. Earlier, we had been at a barbecue at the cousins' place and later that night, we all went together to the club in separate cars as there were a few of us.

    Inside the club, we all kind of spread out and did our own thing. I was sitting at a table in the back. My friend's girlfriend was at the table in front of mine. She was quite drunk and was half-passed out on the long upholstered seat, separated by a barricade inbetween the tables. They were kind of like diner chairs. I remember I saw a bit of her jacket sticking out from behind the seat and I stayed close, keeping an eye on her. Her boyfriend was somewhere else, doing his own thing leaving me to look out for her, which I was happy to do because of her current state.

    A while later, one of his cousins comes up to the table in front of me and I don't think he saw me. He looked visibly drunk and he sat down next to her and leaned his head towards the dance-floor, making as if he were just minding his own business and I suddenly saw his right arm sliding towards my friend's girlfriend. Before I knew what happened, there was a commotion and she rose up, grabbing the guy's necklace and started accusing him of slipping his hand up her skirt and she was getting quite hysterical. I rose up quickly and approached, asking the both of them what had happened.

    She started telling me how she felt him trying to cop a feel under her skirt and asked me to call her boyfriend. The cousin ditched the scene as quickly as he arrived and my friend came over a few moments later. She managed to hold onto the necklace, which was a good thing, to prove the cousin actually was there.

    Since she was quite out of it herself to explain it all, I pulled my friend to one side and told him what had occurred and told him I strongly felt that his cousin did in fact try to take advantage of her and that she wouldn't lie about something like that and that I'd seen it with my own two eyes, his proximity, her being passed out etc. It all fitted. My friend didn't believe me at first but I reassured him and then he flipped. He was furious with his cousin and spoke with him outside the club. He came in minutes later and I think the cousin smooth talked his way out of it because my friend acted as if nothing happened.

    From that moment on, I never left her side and stayed close to her at all times, to the point where I actually had my arm around her, especially at the front of the club, where my friend wanted to buy more drinks at the bar. All the time, I kept asking him to drop her and I off as we both lived in the same area. Much to my consternation, he still wanted to stay a while longer!

    Eventually we left and we dropped her off at her place, safe and sound and I was instantly relieved. My friend and I then went to another club down the street and about a half hour later, I was about to call it a night, when he told me there was another party going down on the other side of town. Sick of his antics and carelessness, I told him no, but he wouldn't take no for an answer and completely lied about where we would be going and kept nagging me and telling me we wouldn't be long.

    I then made a huge mistake. I agreed to it, believing his bull, and we got picked up by another cousin of his and we ended up...going to the exact same club we had left earlier from before. When we got there, I told his cousin I'd be waiting in the car. I was ****ed. My friend stayed in the car as well and I tore him a new one, telling him he couldn't do this to people and be so reckless.

    Eventually his other cousin got back from the club and instead of taking me home, he told me he'd only be able to drop me off in the morning. He then drove us around to the house where we had the barbecue earlier which belonged to the family of the cousin who tried to cop a feel on my friend's gf earlier. They were apparently still drinking inside. I decided to stay in the car again and to try and sleep until morning as I had seen enough alcohol and drama for one day.

    My friend went into the house and came back a bit later and sat in the rear-seat. I was still ****ed at him and told him to just let me sleep till daybreak. A few minutes later, the cousin who tried to take advantage, gets into the back-seat as well and he starts talking with my friend. Out of the blue, my friend starts questioning his cousin again about what happened earlier and they were both more drunk. When the cousin asked who told him this, my friend pointed towards me in the front passenger-seat.

    It was at this point, that I felt a hand grab the back of my head, by my hair and he pulled backwards slightly and I started hearing the guy swear at me. I grabbed his arm and yanked it off and asked what he was doing. When he asked me if I had said this, I told him what I saw and what my friend's gf had said and also mentioned the necklace. I refused to be intimidated by this vile guy and decided to stick with the truth no matter how much this guy tried to strong-arm me.

    The cousin lost it even more and at this point my friend told him to get out the car and started shouting. The cousin replied he was going back into the house to grab his gun and he would be coming back to shoot me.

    At this point, I felt some genuine panic start to give way to fear as I realized that they in fact had a gun in that house. Someone else told me earlier and the cousin seemed drunk and angry enough to do something rash like that. Emotions were high. I remember swearing at my friend for getting me into this. We were in a dangerous neighborhood too and I had nowhere to go, even if I left the car.

    A few short moments later, the cousin comes out again and comes up to my side of the car and gestures for me to roll down my window and I refused, locking the doors. His hands were empty but he still looked furious at me and started threatening to beat me up, that he was going to call all of his other cousins out from the house and all beat me up (although I don't think the others had even known what was going on).

    That's when I opened the car-door. Not to fight. I wanted to reason with the guy, to calm him down, to try and defuse the whole situation. He must of seen this as an act of aggression on my part because the minute my door was open, me still seated, he came up to me and stuck a finger in my face and tried to gouge my eye but missed. That's when I lost it myself and found myself rising out of my seat. already halfway out of the car. For a brief moment, I saw red and every part of me wanted to lay into this guy even though I had no martial arts training or anything like that.

    That's when I felt my friends hand on my shoulder and he told me not to. I then calmed as I realized if we got into it on the street, the other cousins from inside the house would be jumping me in no time and who knows what would have happened then? I closed the door and locked it again. The cousin suddenly walked away.

    My friend went inside to talk to his cousin. Minutes later, the cousin comes back out again and comes up to me and apologizes. I mean, genuinely apologizes. Tells me he didn't mean to and even called me Mr or sir or something like that, even though were were all in our early to mid 20's. I then told him it was OK, we were all drunk (I really wasn't) and he went off.

    My friend asked me to go inside and drink with all of them but still recovering from the adrenaline rush and volatility of the evening, I told him I just wanted to sleep and frankly, didn't want to be near the stuff.

    The next morning, I was dropped off home by the other cousin. I told him what happened, everything and he told me that he and his other cousins would have indeed jumped me if I'd gotten into a scrap with the guy, regardless of what he actually did to that girl and even though I hadn't been the one instigating the fight in the first place. Luckily, I had listened to my instincts in that moment before I closed the door.

    When I got into my apartment, the first thing I did was, I rang up a girl I used to date who did taekwondo and told her about what happened and I arranged for my friend's gf to take up classes there.

    I then discovered she didn't get past the first lesson because the boyfriend didn't like it or couldn't handle the drills even though he played rugby and he thought the instructor was arrogant or something. So they both never went again, even though she felt it was awesome.

    Long story short, I'm not friends with that guy anymore and I don't think she's with him anymore either.

    Will never forget that night. Felt like I barely scraped through that one...

    What would you have done?

    Please share your stories as well. What did you think of mine or the way I handled it?

    Much :heart: and courage friends

    Last edited: Oct 29, 2016
  2. TwirlinMerlin

    TwirlinMerlin Valued Member

    Interesting night. You were right not to fight the guy. If I can offer one piece of advise it would be, never open the car door to get out of the car, especially when the guy is standing right there waiting for you. He can slam the door on you when you're halfway out of the car. Now he can pin you there, halfway in and halfway out, with basically only one of your arms, one leg, and your head poking out. Then while he's got you pinned there he can wail on your face and head and there won't be much you can do.

    I've gotten out of several sticky situations by swallowing my ego and apologizing. I've also had to use take downs and basic wrestling to subdue people that wanted to hurt me a few times. One recent story, I'm the lead guy in a truck shop in a bad part of town. Occasionally I have to escort crazies out of my work and had an interesting event a couple weeks back. I had to show out a crazed out of her mind homeless woman. She was told she couldn't use the bathroom by an employee so she went nuts and started kicking things over, screaming and threatening people. I showed her to the door and when I got her outside she hucked her water cup (like a sealed starbucks cup) at me. I have to admit I was not expecting that and it hit me in the leg. Fun times lol. I just turned around, went back inside and closed the door and she ran off. Years ago I got into an argument with a coworker and he took a swing at me. Instead of playing a punchers game with him I took him down and tied him up on the ground. After a while I was able to talk him down and he agreed to go his own way if I let him up. After that day I felt great-full that my older brother and cousin (who were wrestlers) used to constantly whoop on me growing up. I hated it when I was a kid. But it's saved me from getting busted up or having to bust up someone else several times. I think an even keel attitude and some basic grappling are invaluable when things get ugly.
    Last edited: Oct 29, 2016
  3. Guitar Nado

    Guitar Nado Valued Member

    I have a sticky situation I was able to get out of.

    About 17 years ago, I had listed 4 high end video cards, some CPUs, and some RAM on Craigslist. I was going to meet with a potential purchaser at a motel in central Maryland. I knew in advance that this motel had a sketchy reputation, mainly because I often went to a pawnshop that was next door and they always talked about it. I was a bit worried, but the idea of a cash purchase had my interest up. My goal at the time was to to take the proceeds and purchase some internet and .com related stock (keep in mind this was 1999).

    I met with the potential buyer, but instantly I detected there was something very wrong with him. He said his name was "Mr. November", and sort of freaked me out due to his totally bald head. He also had a weird flat affect. We were both hungry so went to a nearby El Salvadoran food truck to get some food, and he asked for 16 hot peppers to go with his meal. I thought this was a bit excessive. It was pretty spicy already.

    Anyways, we went back to the hotel and he offered to pay me in "knowledge credits" rather than cash, and despite needing money I was interested, especially when it could be like the "I know Kung Fu!" moment in the Matrix. Despite wanting money to buy tech stocks, I was tempted to learn Kung Fu quickly, so chose that method of payment, and exchanged the computer hardware. Instantly I knew the secrets of a few unique family styles of Kung Fu that are very esoteric and obscure.

    This proved life saving as I walked back to my car (which I had part one block over in the safety of the pawn shop lot). I was set upon my a gang of young men intent on taking my money. I was able to utilize the skills I had recently absorbed, but took a few hard hits to the head. The potential assailants fled, I was able to get in my car and drive away. I was very hungry so went to a nearby all night Wendys, and got a double burger. By the time I was home, I was no longer hungry, but had forgotten all of the Kung Fu I had learned. I attribute that to some hard shots I took to the head. I did however have a strong urge to short all tech stocks, so did so. It worked out OK I think.
  4. TwirlinMerlin

    TwirlinMerlin Valued Member

    I don't want to alarm you, but are you sure those "knowledge credits" weren't really pills or some kind of "voodoo dust" that this mysterious stranger may have slipped into your El Salvadorian fire taco? One time I accepted sugar cubes from a stranger and I stayed up all night painting a mural of an Aztec warrior and his lady riding a leopard across the night sky on the side of my house. My wife was pretty impressed. That or she was angry. I couldn't tell because the sugar cubes had clouded my judgement. Anyway, turned out it was my neighbors house so meh...
  5. DarkComplex

    DarkComplex Valued Member

    Surprised this thread never took off.
  6. Pretty In Pink

    Pretty In Pink Moved on MAP 2017 Gold Award

    Maybe it's just because (like me) we are all exceptional of keeping well away from dangerous situations?
  7. DarkComplex

    DarkComplex Valued Member

    Well you figure with all the posters on here, no one has ever been in a self defense situation or situation that could have went that route?

    There are times where situations find you.
  8. Pretty In Pink

    Pretty In Pink Moved on MAP 2017 Gold Award

    Well maybe it's because none of us feel comfortable humble-bragging about times we've escaped nasty situations.

    Idk. For whatever reason, this thread probably won't go very far unless you include religion, politics, or kata.
  9. Simon

    Simon Administrator Admin Supporter MAP 2017 Koyo Award

    I believe that while as martial artists it shouldn't be ignored, it's also a bigger issue than we make it out to be.

    If you've ever been in a meeting with the management you'll note how they often have the right words and manner to control the situation.

    It's the same with school teachers, parents and the list goes on.

    Some do it naturally and without thought.

    Some are naturally confident, which keeps half the wolves at bay.

    Draw an outline of a fly and you'll not be concerned.

    Put yellow stripes on it and it becomes a hornet and you know not to mess.

    Some give off this aura and some don't.

    Given that so many have these natural skills and instincts they probably aren't even aware they are taking care of self defence and de-escalation.

    When people talk to me about self defence they want to hear about the physical aspect, or it's a case of, "I wouldn't want to mess with you" and that is something I always steer away from.

    Unless pushed on the subject I never mention the physical aspect when talking about self defence to non martial artists.

    I received a phone call from an engineer a week ago who had been threatened while at a tenant's property.

    He told the tenant he just had to get something from his van and left the site before calling me.

    My discussion with him was about how to deal with the adrenaline rush, why he was the target of the tenant's anger, the fact it wasn't his fault and so on.

    I thing he acted perfectly in regard to his self defence and he is a non martial artist acting naturally.
  10. Simon

    Simon Administrator Admin Supporter MAP 2017 Koyo Award

    I'll give a couple of situations for you.

    1. Many years ago when testosterone got the better of us a guy at work told me he was going to do this, that and the other to me.

    "Not standing like that", I said. He was so thrown off by my comment it put him off his game.

    He did come at me and I did shove him into a pile of chairs.

    I would make the same comment now, to put an extra thought in the other person's head, not so sure the shove was needed, although in a real situation I hadn't escalated it would be okay.

    2. A few years ago a man with a knife knocked on my door. I shut the door and called the police. There is a thread if anyone wants to do a search.

    3. A road rage incident (not by me) a few years ago had another driver pull up beside me. I got out of the car (for research purposes :D don't do this) he had steam coming from his ears, but a good fence and communication seemed to work. He edged toward me and I stayed in the fence, but put a strong arm on his chest (briefly, don't stay there, as it is a trigger) and although he kept trash talking the strong stance, the feel of my strength through structure and me firmly saying be careful to him told me the fight was off.
  11. DarkComplex

    DarkComplex Valued Member

    Speaking of throwing people off with words, your story reminds me of a line I used back in 2010, I got it from my dad, he used it back in the 70's when an individual approached and tried to challenge him to a fight.

    I had an individual from Grape St. Watts, for those that don't know Grape St. Is a crip gang out here in Southern Cali. It happened on a bus and he was sitting down.

    The crip said to me "you think you're tough huh"

    I replied "I never said I was tough, but I'll tell you what you do, get up out of your seat, come run up over here and you'll get your question answered"

    One person rose up in his seat and said "ohhhhh" and looked around, the other people all looked at the Crip.

    The Crip turned his head and just looked out the window.

    When we got to our location, one person approached me and said "man I never heard nothing like that before".

    So situation avoided in a sense, I don't think he was going to try anything.

    Yet sometimes as you said, what you say can really throw a person off or make them think twice about doing something.
  12. Dan93

    Dan93 Valued Member

    Normally its not something we talk about. apart from one that I posted I while back in the SD forum I will relay one from when I was about 19.

    I was walking with a laptop in a case to college after work as I was half way through a computer course and it was dark. A shady looking chap on corner of road tried to stop me and asked if I had a cigarette, to which I said no politely without stopping and carried on walking.

    About 30 seconds after that the man in question suddenly appeared to my side and another man on my other side telling me to go with them, I said no and they tried to pull me to a nearby car park saying they wanted to talk with me, again I said no and the guy tried to grab me by the throat and pin me against a wall telling me to be quiet whilst his accomplice went through my pockets. I responded by trapping the guys arm and hitting him under the chin with a palm heel flooring him and his mate responded by lashing out with a kick which I parried and kicked him back before spinning into the road facing both of them. Weighing up my options I threw my laptop in its case over a high fence and darted around them and rang a nearby doorbell to which they both ran off.

    I told the guy at the door what happened and after convincing him I wasnt trying to force entry to his home and it turned out his wife went to school with me, they sat me down gave me a beer and I called the Police and told them what happened. Told them I had hit the bloke and they said good for you as unlikely to trace them and most likely a couple of drug users who were trying their luck in the area. Laptop was recovered and was protected by the case, lost my course work which was recovered a couple of days later and the Police did come to my parents with a ID catalogue but was never able to find them.

    Put a card through the letterbox the next day thanking them for letting me in and calling the Police.

    It didn't hit me till the next day when I broke down and my work found me in the archive punching the hell out of storage boxes, I guess it was anger at being violated like that and it took a while to sink in.

    Overall I was pleased that I thought at the time to ring the bell as I assumed they did not want attention.
  13. Simon

    Simon Administrator Admin Supporter MAP 2017 Koyo Award

    In class I teach three options.

    Option 1 is the verbal de-escalation as we know it and that could just be saying sorry.

    Option 2 is to go onto the front foot. Give the other person a reason to back down based on a physical threat, but that does have issues.

    Option 3 is when option 2 goes wrong. You have to physically back up the threat made in option 2.
  14. EdiSco

    EdiSco Likes his anonymity

    99% of these street toughs/professional thugs are not looking for a fight. They just want to intimidate you. Trick is not to show fear and rather be amused and smirk at them. I had a situation recently where a guy got EXTREMELY aggressive for no reason but he was a professional intimidator. I just tried to ignore him whilst having a confused look on my face. I even put my hand in the direction of his face to tell him to go away. he kept asking questions very aggressively. Told me he was a rugby player. When I told him I do boxing with a huge grin on my face, he went quiet for a sec and turned around to my friend, tried to make small talk (he was drunk) and left. He punched a wall on his way lol
  15. DarkComplex

    DarkComplex Valued Member

    Remaining calm is a big part of getting out of a situation or some situations. You may still get that feeling or that adrenaline dump afterwards but it works in most cases.

    The intimidator will be confused as to why you aren't scared, stuttering or becoming hyped up yourself.

    Could make him backoff if all he or they were looking for is fear or to show off.
  16. EdiSco

    EdiSco Likes his anonymity

    The good thing about martial arts such as boxing/Muay Thai/MMA is that you learn to stay relaxed and calm under extreme pressures (full contact sparring or an actual fight in the ring). IMO, learning to control adrenaline/emotions etc. in these sports is far more important than learning the distance and when to time your strikes. If you don't have the emotions under control, you can't do the other two.

    Not sure if grappling arts such as bjj/judo/wrestling also teach you this? ie controlling your emotions and staying relaxed and focused?? anybody?

    PS why can't we thank posts anymore?
  17. DarkComplex

    DarkComplex Valued Member

    Haven't done wrestling or Judo (yet), but BJJ for me and Possibly overall does have a calming effect.

    Calming effect as in you know you're in a tough spot but in order to work through it, you gotta stay calm. .

    Some people who never been in positions where someone is trying to choke them or extend an arm, will panic and use up their energy. .

    Wherev Bjj keeps you cool and you work for you position to change the tide of the fight
  18. EdiSco

    EdiSco Likes his anonymity

    True, that's a very different type of pressure. I'm going to ultimately do Muay Thai (and possibly even BJJ) once I'm done with boxing. Thai + BJJ is probably the best combo going....MMA would be ideal but I've heard there are serious Quality Control issues in MMA gyms....
  19. DarkComplex

    DarkComplex Valued Member

    I would say BJJ has the best quality control out of the styles that have belt rankings.

    You will get exposed real quick in BJJ either by rolling or by someone who knows you're a fraud.

    I can see how MMA can have some quality control issues, but I don't think there are many MMA mcdojos out there.

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