Funny limerick! There was a young vampire called Mabel, whose periods were extremely stable, one weekend in four, she would lay on the floor, and drink herself under the table!
A man is standing on the bathroom scales desperately sucking in his stomach. 'That's not going to help,' says his wife. 'Yes it will,' replies the man. 'It's the only way i can see the numbers.'
I set up a website for women that would allow them to complain about the sexist views held by male drivers. It crashed.
I went for a self-defence class last night.The instructor said, "I want you to take me by surprise and attack me" So when I saw him in Sainsburys the next day I threw a tin of beans at his head.
I found a hole in my trainer that's big enough to put my finger through. One formal complaint from her, and I'm now banned from the gym.
Sometimes the old ones are still the best. Heard about the man with five *****s? His undies fitted him like a glove. "Excuse me sir, may I use your dictaphone?" "No, just use your finger like everyone else!"
Do you know why marriage is like a deck of cards? In the beginning all you need are two hearts and a diamond. In the end you wish you had a club and a spade!!
I called my stockbroker and asked him what I should be buying. He said, "Canned goods and ammunition".
