Self defence/Self Protection/Fighting/Martial arts

I agree about de-escalation, but it does matter who started it. If you don't start it, then the chances of physical conflict are greatly reduced (which I thought was your original point). Making sure that your actions reflect lawful intent is also important in making sure you don't run foul of the law.

 

I haven't had an incident for some time, (mostly because I don't drive in rush hour) I would say I am better at dealing with my emotions before it gets to that stage.

Certainly I can put my hand up and say that I could have done more to prevent it getting to that stage in some instances. You are right that body language in some of my past experiences would have prevented getting to that stage.

To highlight 2 incidents, in rush hour traffic:
I recall going straight at a roundabout, and someone in the turn right lane overtook 2 vehicles behind me and cut in front nearly clipping me - my instant reaction was to slam my brakes on and sound my horn, this was followed by me throwing expletives and my hands in the air (in an aggressive "why" fashion) - they stopped and got out the car coming towards my aggressively.
At that point I thought it best to keep the car locked and a small gap in the window to use language to deal with the situation which by that point I had gathered myself and de-escalated. He went back to his car.

In another scenario I was driving at 30mph in a 30 and a driver drove closer up behind me to the point I could not see his plate or license number, after this went on for 5minutes or more I indicated, slowed down at a steady speed, pulled over and waved the driver on - they drove past stopped in front, got out the car and this went to the same situation as above.

In both instances I felt that I needed to use language to deescalate, the window open with a small gap would be enough to deal with verbal communication and restricting their ability to grab into the car or open the door.
The first instance I could have not sounded my horn, but advice from my Dad who is an advanced motorcycle observer, is to sound the horn 1- in case they genuinely haven't seen, 2- in case of a crash, this shows that you took measures to attempt to prevent for witnesses.
The first instance I could also have not thrown my hands in the air and spoken angrily, but I am not sure whether that would have affected the outcome? It could well have done - a brief moment of rage on my part for certain.

On further reflection a double toot on the horn might come across better than a long press, but I'm not sure if I could do that whilst braking hard.

If you or anyone have advice on something I could have done better I would genuinely be interested, because I understand you and many others here have better experience in the SD realm than myself.

yeah, it would certainly not help I'm glad that I live in a country where the chances of that happening are very low.

 

Conversations like these make me see why people such as Geoff Thompson transition from self-defence to life coaching and more "inner work". Rather than learning to control your rage, after a while it becomes a question of why you are feeling rage at all.

 

It is hard to recall exactly when most incidents have occurred in my life, but I know that it was during a period of time when I was stressed (new baby, stopped most exercise and martial arts classes, long working hours; not an excuse really, but factors in play).
You make a good point, and I can see how "inner work" could have been more relevant in shaping a persons self defense skills, if I had a different perspective it would have been less likely that those incidents would have occurred.

Over a year or so ago I can only think of one similar incident when I had lost my temper in a similar situation, and it was because I was on prescribed steroids for asthma which affected me badly, and subsequently stopped them immediately. Probably a good job that it did not escalate further in that incident.

 

Yeah, you have to be aware of what's going on in your life and how that affects you... medication included! It's something that goes well beyond SD.

There are physical indicators (including the effect on the voice) that just can't be hidden. Most people must have seen someone doing and saying all the right things, while obviously suffering blind rage, fear or upset. I really feel that the best de-escalation is pre-emptive: you're already calm.

 

Interesting - how threads can spark insights into things. I have never understood "road rage". It is something that I have never been effected by. I just realised that his is because I have lived in traffic unfriendly cities (London and Bristol) for most of my life. I commute by train or by bicycle. If I got upset every time a driver treated me unfairly or even negligently tried to kill me I would lead a angry disturbed life. For me its a given - all road users are out to kill me. I ride defensively. I am pleasantly surprised when drivers show a modicum of consideration. but I am not upset by thoughtless driving because I expect it.

 

Where's the satisfaction in that though? A good long press is cathartic.

 

Y'know, I totally agree with the principles of self-defence like avoidance, de-escalation etc. And maybe this is the ex soldier in me talking. But some people just really need knocking out.

 

That is absolutely true.