"Hey, I decided to post some of the poems I write! Isn't that great? You can read the dark and scary poems I write when I'm ticked off, and the romantic and abstract ones when I'm happy. Welcome to my world. Hope you enjoy. Oh yah, I welcome criticism! Say I suck! Say it! But honest, I love criticism, only way I can get better!" A hole. Deep, still empty. A small light high above. Hope. Hard work. Climbing, Reaching. Almost there... no. It's gone. A hole. With no way out. A cavity in the earth. Trapped, imprisoned. Locked in a dark cage forever. A stench; rotting maggots and flies rise from the hot earth devouring the lifeless body Once the parasites are full the remaining flesh is absorbed into the ground. The bones lie bare and bloody; a gift sent from Hell. The prison cell is now a tomb, made with now mercy, no remorse. A once full and exuberant spirit is tortured, destroyed, and forgotten. Gone from the world... for eternity. "Whew, wasn't that fun? Let's try something a little brighter now." Wide eyes of deep, dark chocolate Gentle touch, a longing glance... Taking in the world With a wisdom rare to man Smooth walk Silent footsteps A sword quietly gliding through air Soft breath Complete calm A peaceful shore under a twighlight moon Rich, chocolate-raspberry happiness strange contentment beautiful stillness... A perfect paradise "Ok so maybe it wasn't exactly bright. Enchanting maybe? Well that's all I'm gonna post for now. I'll write more later. Have fun!"
Good poems! I recommend you take out the use of unnecessary articles (such as A, THE). You should also try to remove verbs like IT, and ARE. It will make your writing much stronger.
Yeah this i would love to see. I love mels works and she knows it (BTW where is she i miss her) anyways, not that peaceful_child has posted some, girl i think you got some skills. Keep posting because i would love to read them. feel free to email me some.
Hey you actually posted them PC good job. i didnt expect the first one to turn out the way it did. but it was still good. Second one was also good. And about this deathmatch... What about Kinjiro Tsukasa?? have a three way bout.
Hi, here I am. I really like both of your poems, peaceful_child; thought the juxtaposition of the two was great. mikelw gave you good advice (it's something I learned on my own as I was going along), but don't feel you have to remove every single article or "being" verb, just the extraneous ones. Maybe we need a poetry thread? I sent more poems to the poetry page weeks ago, but they seem to have gotten lost in the shuffle.
Not lost Kinjiro they will be up shortly I try to space things out don't want to put everything new up at once. Cooler
OK, I was just wondering. I never know if e-mails actually arrive at their destinations; I've had a few get lost along the way!
ooh, it's been awhile since I've been here!! Nice to be back, unfortunately, I don't have time to post another poem right now, but I'll get to it as soon as I can!
back again! this time for hopefully a bit longer. I may or may not have time to add some more poems today, but soon I will! thanks for posting guys. I appreciate the advice!
I only posted two?!? geez. ok, here's some more. fallen broken torn apart loving but in return abused praising cherishing only to be refused unfair it's not right a blessed soul to be abused tears drop it needs to stop this blessed soul needs love that is true ich. I don't know if I like that one. what do you guys think? the mind exists as if on a pinpoint one little push and off it goes tumbling into insanity a change of emotion it's screaming blood pounding in your head life is confusing unfamiliar what happened to days of bliss pure innocent laughter? what happened to being 5? only years ago it seems like ages that life is far gone now all is chaos random thoughts swimming round and round in your skill it's dizzying growing pains is hella right damn this really hurts when will it stop? I feel like I'm hanging off a crumbling cliff I've got to hold on I wrote that one today actually. Except I kept getting distracted by the funny ass music the kids a few feet away were playing. I didn't know how to finish it. Any suggestions? pulsing flowing living breathing thousands of breaths millions unsynchronized individual but one catches another now there are two breaths moving together they sing together laugh together and take each other away I was in a weird mood when I wrote that one. I guess that's all I have time for now. Read and review if you would. peace.
Nice, PC Clean, sparse and imaginative. The first one describes Alaska perfectly Of all the poems I wrote as a disaffected/lovesick/mystic teeenager, I only like one of them and it's one I don't even remember writing or why I wrote it. For all I know its about Alaska too cos it has a frozen lake and wolves (wolves in Alaska??? prolly not). Rgds, David
haha. I like your interpretations. And yes, we do have wolves in Alaska. Unfortunately, Murkowski wants to wipe a whole lot of them out to make room for development. The bears too. But that's another subject. Glad you liked my poems.
