On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks "And get me a whisky you cow!" The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee. When this omission is pointed out to her the parrot drains its glass and bawls "And get me another whisky you idiot". Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee. Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot's approach "I've asked you twice for a coffee, go and get it now or I'll kick you". The next moment, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says "For someone who can't fly, you complain too much!"
Hahaha, thats good. Heres another, maybe you've heard it. This guy with a ski mask and crowbar breaks into a house. He turns on his flashlight and looks around. "Great! Noone home.". However, just as he's sizing up the plasma widescreen and dvd player, he hears a voice out of nowhere saying, "Jesus is watching you!". The guy almost jumps outta his extra soft soled shoes, and looks around with his flashlight. After a while he thinks it was nothing, but then he hears it again! "Jesus is watching you!". Now the guys ****ed and he looks carefully around the room to find a parrot in a cage. The parrot says again, "Jesus is watching you!". The guy bursts out laughing and asks the parrot, "Who you supposed to be?", to which the parrot replies, "I'm Moses". Now the guy almost soils himself with laughter. "What idiot calls a parrot Moses???". And the parrot says, "The same idiot that names a rottweiler Jesus!".
