This should probably be a journal entry. Please don't say anything, don't reply. I want to tell you about my wife. You may know masters, you may know shihan, you may know prophets. They will not humble you, they will not bring you to tears, they will not drop you to your knees, they will not shine a spotlight on your failures....not as my wife can. My wife is depressed. She has been depressed since a little incident about 3 or 4 years ago. On a Saturday afternoon I was sitting talking to a friend...my wife put her head in the door, said she was going to bingo..and left. About 20 seconds later she ran back to the house, using her crutch...'Mary has a fire'. I knew what she was asking. I got up and ran to Mary's house. I ran outside of the house..saw the flames...this looked serious, my wife looked worried. 'Call the fire brigade' I said (it made her go in the opposite direction of the perceived danger). ' i ' before ' e ' keeps her from danger I ran to the fire, my wife ran to the phone. She probably had the longer journey..as I think now. When I went into the house my 'martial artist' was at its most complete...the feeling you desire to have when your loved ones are attacked, when you can be a 'hero'. Initially it was scary...fire, in the house...then it was ok...the fire was limited to a room on the left...the kitchen. My wife's panic seemed unreasonable, my calmness increased. My calmness increased. I saw...I saw...something burning. Something in the room burning. Something my wife had seen while passing the window. Rags burning? And I weep...I weep. In my mind I shut the door (it did not shut becaue not only am I sloppy..I am stupid). In my mind I turn my back, make it big, make my presence huge. I see the body. I see the burning body. And I weep, and I know my wife weeps. I see the burning body...and I do what I know my wife would want done....this is nightmare land..but I know what needs to be done. I know she has phoned for help, so I know help is coming because I have complete faith in my wife...(oh she will not see this...she will not)...I have been putting the flames out for minutes...the horrible flames...my senses erupt, there is a direct line between me, the door, the burning body...the burning dead body that will not stop burning. I turn around because my martial sense is singing...it is as high pithced as any martial sense ever has been....and she...she came back after she made the call. :cry: But I hadn't put the flames out My martial body moved as quickly as it ever has, distracting from the body (split and burning like ....) and the hands..the poor hands... And she saw. And as a bystander I saw her collapse emotionally, even as I move to conceal. and I loved her..she never saw the eyes, the...well, the other things. Some of the other things were unsuitable for my wife. She still takes drugs...she still needs tablets to sleep, years later. One of the tablet she takes...5 minutes later she is unconscious. I hate those tablets. I hate that reality has hurt my wife. and I love her...and she drops me to my knees We go driving and 4 guys cut us off in a parking space..she rolls down the window and throws them the finger..telling them they are **icks...staring at them. And she looks at me and grins...and I give her all my strength...all my life and all my training. (And as I think...'jesus get a brain...be careful'...I touch her leg and she knows she can do as she wishes..and I smile at her and stick out my tongue) And I would give my life for her And I am so proud of her..I am so proud. I am so proud of her strength that I weep..I hold her hand as we walk...and as I try to make her life wonderful..I weep. I touch her leg when she drives, I listen to her speak, I watch her as she comes out of the bath, I look at her as she picks me up from training....I take my 16 year old son to training and she someteimes picks us both up. And I weep. I weep for joy that I am such a lucky fool to have such a wonderful mentor. I cry that an angel exists in my life.