MAP Moon Door (just for fun)

Hi Guys,

Me and the missus were watching season 4 episode 7 of game of thrones the other day when she stated “when we are millionaires we need to get an architect to install us a moon door”.

I was overly joyed to see her use her imagination as I thought it had died aged 12 from all the Eastenders, Home And Away et all watching – my wife is very much in the reality/pop camp culture.

Anyway it gave me an idea for those of you old enough to remember a show called room 101, I believe Paul Merton was the host. The idea was that a celebrity came onto the show and was allowed to put objects or people into room 101 and that thing would never be seen or heard of again. You can see where I am coming from. Just for fun what would you eject via the MAP Moon Door. Three items per post please and a brief explanation.

Here is my three

The cast of TOWIE (The Only way is Essex)


1 - This counts as only one thing as the cast of said show are of a hive mentality and therefore incapable of independent thought thus making them one single entity. There are too many reasons to list so I’ll give my top three. 1. Joey Essex, no one can be this utterly stupid and listening to this man actually makes you less intelligent, 2, I am owed some brain cells from the producers of this show as when I walk past the TV and it’s on (wife watches) I can actually feel my grey matter pop. 3, It’s just terrible, the wackiness, stupidity and the way it has gripped British audiences is an affront to the gods. Never mind gods it is an affront dung beetles.

2 – The UGG boot.

Oh my lord the UGG boot. This is not a classy boot. My little girl got bought a pair of these ridiculous boots. I originally thought they called UGG meaning ugly. I remember thinking why would some wear this ugly creation then the truth came fast and swift. This should be put through the moon door because it has made lazy people even lazier. I shall elaborate. In the morning before I start work I go to the shop about 07:15 to pick up some essentials for the days toil. Usually the people up at this time are In employment and doing the exact same thing as me. 08:30 take my daughter to school. At this point the UGG boot wearer has risen from her pit. She too is taking her child too school and the child is dressed neat and trim but the mum – she isn’t. She is still wearing her pyjamas. And the reason she can do this is because her prized UGG boot makes it possible. I thought it only happened in my area but no. I work all over Britain, Ireland and Netherlands, I have seen It in London, Chertsey, Aberdeen and Tralee in Ireland. The UGG boot makes lazy people lazier so through the moon door with you. Remember UGG boot pyjama combination is a no no.

3 – Winged Beasts,

I am terrified of anything with wings with the exception of the noble bumble bee. Everything with wings scares me, jenny/daddy longs legs, wasps and worst of all the “Street Pigeon”!! this creature has been the bane of my life for quite some time as street pigeons are hard pigeons. They willingly walk up to you without a glint of fear and try take your food. You know when something is hard when it is missing it’s toes and has a gammy eye but still fighting seagulls. The hardest of these pigeons reside in Aberdeen, an Aberdeen street pigeon is a sight to behold. For some reason they don’t fly, they walk everywhere and people walk out of there way. The street pigeon has taught me how to dance though and I am often seen dancing in and out of them in a busy main street with people laughing at me. So yeah winged beasts should go through the moon door.

Baza

 

Isn't it against the rules to put people into Room 101? Doesn't it have to be just things?

(And you don't have to be all that old to remember it, by the way. There's a repeat on telly tonight!)

 

I'm sure someone tried to put Lily savage into it one time. I didn't know it was still running, i loved that show. What channel?

Baza

 

Spitting in the street.

Men with trousers so low you can see their pants.

Men that walk around bare chested with their t-shirts in their back pocket at the first sign of the sun being out.

Every single beauty product advert. Take your mock science and ceramide-R elsewhere. You do nothing to improve the world.

People that park in family and disabled car spaces without children or a disability.

 

BBC1. Half nine while ten.

 

Got to say there's been some great choices so far. I'm sitting here and nodding my head sagely in agreement. Not bothered about the flying creatures because I don't have a problem with them personally, but apart from that all selections I'd endorse.

I'm sure I can add a few of my own:

1. People who think that a bit of warm sunshine requires them to drive around with their car windows down and the volume turned up to 11. Pathetic attention seeking little twerps.

And of course, the prats on quad bikes who also come out of hibernation as soon as the temperature gets over seventy.

2. People who use their car horn as a form of doorbell, because they are either too lazy or too self-important to get out of their car and walk a few yards. I'd like to banish them all to Room 101 on the condition that they suffer intense pain and misery once they are in there.

3. Greeting cards for animals. When my cat had been ill, the vets sent him a 'get well soon' card wishing him "lot's of snuggles and cuddles". I nearly puked. Made me wish I'd called him Satan, instead of Tigger. That would have SERVED THEM RIGHT.

I'm going to stop now, because I'm getting angry.

 

I would just wish for a cord to be surreptitiously attached to anyone chucking someone else out of the Moon Door.

Then all us chilled-out, tolerant types would be left in a peaceful world where no-one resents anyone else

 

Towie watcher................................................................................ meant to put LOL (put lol in through the door to and users of lol. i seem to be using this now)

Baza

 

This is an excellent line, when taken out of context .

 

Nah, I bet those idiots on TOWIE would want to put people out the Moon Door. I doubt I'd have to live in a world with them.

 

I don't know. I've always enjoyed some of the rediculous posturing in the pub of an evening.

Baza

 

I do believe Ann Robinson tried to put "the Welsh" into Room 101 once.

Hmm, if I could only pick three, I'd probably go with:

1) People who put up "Vote for X" posters outside their windows, on their fences or drive ways, above other peoples' businesses (happened to my family's bookshop recently) and so forth. You want to be proud of who you vote for? Fine. You want to vote for "X"? Fine. But your political preferences are much like male genitalia. Just because you have one, doesn't mean I want it crammed down my throat or put proudly on display every day.

2) Wasps. Awful, stinging little monsters.

3) People who can't watch a film without shouting out "oooh, look, that's plagiarised from another film!". I don't care, I just want to watch the damned film you horrible, horrible beast.

 

There is something much worse than women smoking.

Women that smoke ROLL-UPS!! Gah!!

I HATE roll-up cigarettes...the little papers and filters, the baccy tin or plastic pouch and the furtive old-man posture EVERYONE adopts when they roll one.
The disgusting vampire bat style licking to seal it closed.
People pulling little bits of baccy off their lips and the nasty spit stain that spreads from the mouth end.
The dodgy spiv holding style people use to suck every last bit of cancer out of the end before throwing the dog end on the floor like it's not actually litter but some universal compost that helps the planet.

 

I am literally laughing like an idiot at this. But here's the thing, i haven't smoked since 1st January this year. Now i have always wanted to quit and it has taking me so long to do it because i always thought that if i stopped smoking i'd become you (old Billy Connoly joke).

Gasp!!! Call the police the smokers are here, call the firebrigade as well. Get all the smokers down the pit - nah doesn't suit me at all.

Baza

 

A person has to have dreams my friend.

 

Still better than straights IMO (as a non smoker). I can't stand the smell of straights.

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I want to add football to the list. Not so much playing football, that's fair enough. But the cult-ish following of the leagues, cups, the professional players and their absurd wage packets and sheer quantity of media coverage.

Now rugby, there's a man's game.

 

I tell you what..this'd be a much shorter thread if I named stuff I like rather than stuff I hate.
I've a feeling I've enough hatred to keep this thread going for several years.

 

It's not cult-ish folowing bit it is tribalism. I'm a huge football fan but one of my favoutite quotes is thus.

Rugby is a game for thugs played by gentleman and football is a game for gentleman played by thugs.

Baza