Loss of confidence and motivation to train

Discussion in 'General Martial Arts Discussion' started by Unreal Combat, Nov 14, 2016.

  1. Unreal Combat

    Unreal Combat Valued Member

    I'm going to start this off by posting a link from one of my favourite bloggers & one who posts a wealth of useful information and videos straight out of Thailand for aspiring Nak Muay.

    Read the post. Because it's not a plug (though she is worth bookmarking), it is simply ten times easier for me to say that's how I feel right now rather than type it out and explain it to you.

    http://8limbs.us/muay-thai-thailand/fear-of-looking-bad-art-of-letting-loose

    However on top of feeling like I am holding myself back due to training methodological reasons I generally feel like I am losing my way. I'm getting older, I feel nowhere near as fit as when I was competing with regularity, & my confidence in general has rapidly declined overy the past year.

    Alot of this I feel has to do with numerous factors. One big factor was being forced out of my old club due to a disagreement with an instructor who had an issue with my relationship with another student (it's worth noting that were still together as of today & have been going strong for over 2 years now). It was an issue of jealousy and it caused rifts that have pretty much seen to it that regardless of the fact he's not there anymore I simply do not want to go back because I lost faith in those who did not have my back when they should of done.

    Another is having taken a couple of years out of training to teach. On one hand I think this helped make me a better person & martial artist overall, giving me experiences from a completely different perspective that helped me learn to have more respect for the sport, students and instructors. On the other the lack of training for myself sent me pretty much back to square one in regards to my fitness and my weight, while the lack of competition completely killed my confidence and my mentality when getting back into the ring again. With that also came it's own stresses. Politics and drama from my old instructor over running my own Kickboxing club have really taken a toll on me and ultimately it drove me to give it all up and go back into training again.

    I also travel a good hour each way on a train, just to train, every time which is tiring and exhausting for me after working long 12 hour shifts four days in a row back to back. By the time I get to the gym I feel worn out and just don't want to be there. Why do I travel so far? Well there isnt really a great wealth of Muay Thai (and martial arts in general) to choose from in Nottingham that really suits what I am looking for. The head coach is a reputable instructor with a reputable background and in general a nice guy. I've not always agreed with some of his opinions or actions but he's always been fair and never treated me or my girlfriend in a negative way.

    However I just can't bring myself to train. I'm at a point at the moment where I just don't want to. I did an interclub this weekend and I just didn't want to be there despite having gone many times before. I fought two lads from a reputable gym and although I probably did ok (and everyone says that I did well against two very experienced lads) I feel like my performances were lacking the fire that I used to have before. I feel like I could and should have done better. I feel I am holding myself back because of the rust and because I have less faith in my fitness. And because of that it's also killing my confidence.

    Having gone to Thailand I thought it may rejuvenate my passion. While I was out there I loved it. But it also made me realise just how bad I actually am in comparison to the Thais. I felt like a complete beginner, despite having been training for the better part of near 7 years. It was to be expected, but with all my other issues combined it just hurt my confidence even more.

    Anyone here who knows me knows that back when I first started out Kickboxing & Thaiboxing knows the fire, confidence and passion I would train or fight with. Right now I feel like a complete wreck that cannot find the motivation to go and train on a good day. I don't feel like I can speak to my coach about this. Not because he's not approachable but because I don't know if he really knows me well enough to be able to advise me on how to deal with my issues. Or if he would really care to taking into account his own circumstances, which out of respect to him I will leave at that.

    I have no confidence in myself at the moment and I just don't know what to do. It has all literally brought me to tears at one point. I don't really know what to expect out of writing this. I am likely just a bit burnt out and need to let it all out I guess.
     
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2016
  2. raaeoh

    raaeoh never tell me the odds

    Wait until you hit your 40s. I am up 30 lbs from a 2 year old injury. I find excuses to not train. I hate my self sometimes because I know where I was.

    Then I started teaching kids. They are mean. They are honest and very supportive at the same times. I continue to train to one day pass on my knowledge to one of them.
     
  3. Unreal Combat

    Unreal Combat Valued Member

    I'm not far off! :(
     
  4. Guitar Nado

    Guitar Nado Valued Member

    Personally I think you are being too hard on yourself. I think you could allow your self to take a break sometime, especially if you work 12 hrs a day and have to commute 2 hrs total to train. That seems pretty hard to keep up with and would bring most mere mortals down pretty quickly.

    Perhaps you could take a short break, train something unrelated locally for a little while, and come back to it with a fresh perspective?
     
  5. Tom bayley

    Tom bayley Valued Member

    This is part of the martial arts journey. At some point we will all realize that we do not have the ability to do what we used to do. This realization leads to a sense of bereavement. So much of martial arts is about striving to be better, when one realizes that, "this is it" , "this is the best I am going to be" it prompts a re-evaluation of ones whole relationship with martial arts. And if martial arts are important to ones personal identity it prompts a re evaluation of ones personal identity.

    In general re-evaluating ones personal identity, sucks. It is never an easy or pleasant experience. Hopefully it leads to improved self knowledge, greater self acceptance, more confidence with the self, and a more centered inner peace at the end.

    But the process sucks.
     
    Last edited: Nov 14, 2016
  6. raaeoh

    raaeoh never tell me the odds

    This is good advice. You may find yourself in another martial art. Or rediscover you previous path
     
  7. Simon

    Simon Administrator Admin Supporter MAP 2017 Koyo Award

    Lei, I started training when I was 17 and ended up the senior student who assisted with the teaching in a Kung Fu class.

    When sparring I could hold my own against most who turned up.

    One day I got into a scuffle and was totally unprepared. What was the last 10 years for?

    At 29 I found a JKD class and it was a real eye opener for me. I wish I'd found it when I was 17.

    Again I became senior student and took over teaching all classes when the instructor was off with depression.

    My instructor at the time was about to open one of the biggest schools in the UK with a million pound investment.

    I would have gone there as a full time instructor.

    6 months before the school opened I was at a club award night and got home to find the house empty.

    Turns out my wife and mother had taken my one year old son to hospital. He was one hour away from death.

    I felt so guilty for not being there.

    I walked away from training to be with the family.

    I turned into fat dad until I was 34 and I had the itch to train again.

    I didn't feel I had the energy to face a full on class, but found a local Eskrima class, an art I'd done in JKD.

    I went along, loved it and after a few months I also joined the Kung Fu class, which was very similar to the JKD I'd done before, as the instructor cross trained with some very big names.

    After another few years I became a full instructor in that art. The full time instructor was finding it hard to make ends meet and he closed the class to start a full time job.

    The students wanted to continue so I took over the class.

    Pass another few years and with four children I again had to stop for family reasons.

    The students were fantastic and understood my reasons for closing the class.

    Two of the students wanted to continue and asked if I'd do two Sunday sessions per month.

    I agreed and we did that for a couple of years.

    I then added a weekly Tuesday class and I'm still doing that now.

    Fitness isn't what it was because like you I do 12 hour plus days and it's hard.

    The private classes have kept me involved and we are still progressing, as we test and explore where we can.

    Like you without an instructor it's hard. Where and how do you test yourself.

    Right now I'm just getting the bug again and I feel pumped for tomorrow's class.

    I'm hoping an opportunity pays off for next year and I can expand the class, do two weekday sessions and keep the Sunday class for the students who want to explore that bit more.

    Throughout my martial journey I've gone from being a fumbling student to senior student to instructor and back again.

    Even when I'm at my best I'll train with a master or instructor from another style and feel like I know nothing.

    Some days I wonder what to teach and on another day I can talk for hours over the slightest detail.

    All I can offer you is something I say to my students when they feel like they're struggling.

    The student goes home at the end of class thinking they've made a mess of things.

    What they don't see if the other students approaching me saying, "did you see Lei today, his jab is really coming on", or, "wow, Lei is really getting a handful during sparring."

    It happens. The ups and downs.

    I suggest making some notes and going over them with Ruth and other trusted friends.

    Note your goals, and mark them short, medium and long term.

    Use the smart profile when defining your goals.

    Specific

    Whatever programme you do must meet the target you want it to.

    Measurable

    This is the way you measure your results.
    You could for example record the number of basketball sots you could accurately do before and after the training programme.
    In your case it may be a good idea to log each week or month how much closer you are to your stated goal.

    Achievable

    Whatever you set out to achieve it has to be possible.

    Realistic

    It must be possible and realistic to achieve what it is you intend to achieve.

    Time-based

    You must allow a reasonable amount of time to complete your desired programme.

    I have a good book that covers the psychological demands of sport I can send to you.

    It covers briefly motivation, arousal control, confidence, concentration and emotional control.

    Goal Setting

    1. What do I want to achieve
    2. Where am I now
    3. What do I need to do to move from my present state to my desired state

    Then present on a scale.

    1. Write in your goal at point 5 and your present position at point 1
    2. Decide what would be halfway between points 1 and 5 and this is your goal for point 3
    3. Then decide what would be halfway between your present state and point 3, this is your short term goal for point 2
    4. Then decide what would be halfway between point 3 and the desired state. This is the goal for point 4
    5. All these goals and outcomes must be set using the SMART principle
    6. Work out what needs to be done to move from point to point 2. These are your process goals and again must be set against the SMART principle

    Use a goal setting diary. Review on a weekly basis.

    Hope some of that helps.

    I'm up and mobile again now so we'll have to set up a get together. Not seen you guys for a while.

    Simon.
     
  8. Giovanni

    Giovanni Well-Known Member Supporter

    seriously simon? i thought i was crazy having three kids. i KNOW you're absolutely nutso.
     
  9. Simon

    Simon Administrator Admin Supporter MAP 2017 Koyo Award

    All kids want is your time. Give them the time and they'll never be a problem.

    Trouble is it's damn hard when you work all the hours God sends.

    Martial arts at a high level is the same. It wants all your time, but you just can't do it, especially s you get older and have more responsibilities.

    I recall a call from my wife saying the hall was flooded. When I got home it was really bad.

    I said it's not that bad and went training.

    I was selfish with my training time. Now though it's different. Older, other priorities, better understanding of a work life balance, need more rest, but most of all, wishing there was something that gave me that spark again.

    Get the spark and it all seems that much easier.

    Small groups work best. You are there for them and they're there for you.

    There's a bit more guilt about missing class because you all rely on each other.
     
  10. Knee Rider

    Knee Rider Valued Member Supporter

    I'm not as fat and old as you creaking oldies ;) BUT I have, over the last decade of training been off with a multitude of injuries, moved cities 3 times and continents twice, had a partner with long term physical and mental health issues, been through a miscarriage with my girlfriend, changed jobs more times than I can count and that has all taken a huge toll on my training.

    I am staring down the barrel of my 35th birthday, in a body that is a shadow of what it was, climbing the lowest footholds of a mountain I began climbing a good long time ago. It can be disheartening.

    Ultimately I still love the process, put zero pressure on myself and just try to show up. I count my daily successes and treat all my failure as signposts forward.

    If you have lost your passion maybe you need to evaluate if it's because your expectations are giving you too much pressure and just relent to the journey or if it's because you just need something different in your life. Only you really know what the mental adjustments are or if you can be arsed to go through them. If you choose to walk away there is no shame: you have achieved things and received and given some awesome experiences and that will always have value :)
     
  11. TwirlinMerlin

    TwirlinMerlin Valued Member

    Don't worry. 40 isn't bad. :)

    It sounds like you're really burnt out and that's understandable seeing as how much you're either working, on the road, or training.

    You need a recharge. I say forget training for a bit and have some fun, get in some time to relax. Take that time to re-evaluate your options. If you no longer like training in your current style because it's too taxing or because you're bored with it then consider something new. Maybe a change of scenery is just what the doctor ordered.
     
  12. thetubbyone

    thetubbyone New Member

    As you get older the definition of progress changes a bit. You wont be able to run with the pups forever. Theres a lot of other aspects of life that claim your time and its very much worth investing in some of those. Theres a lot of people who begin their martial arts journey a lot older than you, its not like the end if you take a break now. In fact thatay be the best.
    You sound burnt out to me. A break from the commuting alone may be in order. Or teaching. Maybe just sparring or training with friends. Just go try something or nothing and see if/when the passion returns
     
  13. kuntaoer

    kuntaoer Valued Member

    As someone who turned 63 last september and celebrated my 60th birthday laying in bed with an ankle which was broken in 4 places. My motivation to train/teach kinda bottomed out for the last 3 yrs until this weekend when I met an old acquaintance of mine.. I had met this shorinryu instructor who I have known since I got here on island in 86 and we spent a few minutes talking.. Eventually the conversation got to the point where he asked if I was still teaching and I said no due to my accident.. He asked how old I was and when I said I was 63, he chuckled and said he had just turned 73 and still was teaching.. He takes a group of students to okinawa on an annual basis and does seminars in the Philippines where some of my training history revolves..

    Needless to say, I had to deep some serious soul searching and came to the decision that I will be returning to the traditional aspects of training and in doing so, will be heading to the Philippines next month to knock off some of this weight and rust so I can start on the road to rekindling the fire to teach and train
     
  14. Dan93

    Dan93 Valued Member

    Sorry to hear that UC, You have achieved a lot in 7 years and should recognise that!

    We are pretty much the same age and I am finding I have to work that little bit harder to keep the same level of fitness and it takes longer to heal. I work 12 hour shifts doing six days a week takes its toll on my motivation and generally push through a session after a night shift just to get some training in, add balancing family life. I know about burn out.

    I think training for yourself again rather than teaching is a good move mate, maybe slow down and think about what you want to go next. Maybe look at another art, maybe some grappling for a while just for the joy of learning something new and see if that infuses some passion back into your personal training....Or take a break and play Skyrim for a while.
     
  15. Pretty In Pink

    Pretty In Pink Moved on MAP 2017 Gold Award

    Take up something different but related. That's always helped me when motivation is low. I train in a different martial art. You could also maybe take up Cross fit instead? Get fit and then Muay Thai will become easier to train in and less of a chore (hopefully).

    Or take a fight. Nothing fuels the fire than the thought that someone is training to try and knock you out.
     
  16. David Harrison

    David Harrison MAPper without portfolio

    Definitely take some time out to think about your goals. Write some lists and take yourself out for a solo walk in the countryside or two to let your thoughts brew. Simon's suggestion of SMART goal setting is good, and old fashioned pro/con lists are good too.

    Maybe it's time to look at arts with a bit of a different attribute/skill balance?

    Oh, and 7 years is nothing! :)
     
  17. Smitfire

    Smitfire Cactus Schlong

    I'm not sure where you work...I work in an office....but have a look around at the people you see. Notice how many do pretty much nothing. Eat, drink, work, facebook, netflix, bed, repeat. Now...I'm not judging them for that (well maybe a bit).
    But compare to what you do, and have done, with your time. How much more you've done. A month in Thailand is a massive achievement just in itself.
    I train once a week, do the odd bit of fitness and practice when I can. It's not much and a far cry from when I was in my 20's and 30's.
    But I have 2 kids (one not even 3 years old), work full time and commute to work for an hour each way. I take comfort in the fact I'm at least doing "something".
    And "something" is better than "nothing".
    What that "something" is will change over time I'm sure. It did for me.
     
  18. Tom bayley

    Tom bayley Valued Member

    When we set a goal and strive towards it is easy to get caught up in the striving and forget why we set the goal in the first place. When we achieve a goal it is easy to set a new goal and push on without pausing to consider what achieving the original goal means.

    "Best" is a trap of the ego. Unreal combat you have a huge amount of practical martial arts experience that many martial artists do not have. You are not as technicality proficient as other people who live in a place with better access to better quality training. This does not reduce what you have achieved or the value of what you know.

    As other people have already suggested. every now and then it is important to take a step back and to think about what you do and why you do it. This might help you to rediscover your original enthusiasm. It may lead you to better appreciate just how much you have learned. It may lead you to decide that you want to take your martial arts in a different direction.

    whatever the outcome just remember that life is far to important to be taken seriously and martial arts are about having fun.
     
  19. Mitch

    Mitch Lord Mitch of MAP Admin

    I'm not sure I've got anything useful to add other than my best wishes Lei. You've got a huge amount to offer as both coach and student, so maybe take some confidence from the faith others have in you.

    I'm sure part of it is a come down from the high of training in Thailand too; you were planning it and living it for so long, it must be difficult to be back in the UK and back in a familiar "rut."

    Is there nowhere in Nottingham you could do a day or so a week, then just do the commute to Leicester once a week maybe?

    Mitch
     
  20. Smitfire

    Smitfire Cactus Schlong

    I remember Nottingham being a great for martial arts. Clubs all over.
    I did my first lot of Thai in Nottingham at "The gym with no name".
     

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