Light Funny Posts

Discussion in 'Ninjutsu' started by saru1968, Aug 3, 2005.

  1. saru1968

    saru1968 New Member

    I thought that it might be a good idea to have a nice light humorous thread to combat the recent catalogue of negative posts.

    My first thought was embarrassing moments but not everyone would be happy sharing, hell i'll talk to anyone about anything but thats me.

    I decided on best comeback lines, when someone just took the pee out of you or has made you the butt of the joke,or just thinks they are funny, what did you say to retort?

    Here's one of mine...

    One new years eve i was taking this young lady( i used the term in its loose's sense) out, she moaned all evening, complained about this, that everything.

    After about 3 hours I decided we should go home(she had upset all my mates aswell) she was not happy.

    When we got back to hers she said ' I've never been so insulted in my life!'

    I replied 'Well you should get out more!'

    and i went back to the party!

    Last edited: Aug 3, 2005
  2. Peaceful Tiger

    Peaceful Tiger Happy Member

    Groan, a Tommy Cooper special :D
    I like it when someone says, "I didn't come here to be insulted". Then you can say, "Well where do you normally go?"
    Last edited: Aug 4, 2005
  3. Fish Of Doom

    Fish Of Doom Will : Mind : Motion Supporter

    i remember a couple times in school i've had to use some comebacks, more irritating than wittty though, yet they served their purpose.

    thing is, there's this guy at school who's started bothering me since february , stopped recently though, well anyway, the guy just wouldn't stop bothering me, and he has a big head(nickname's watermelon, you can imagine :p), so once i told him to go "try and stick his head in the toilet to make sure it fits", more insulting than witty but...

    then there's another time i told him i wasn't bothered and he could take his insults and shove them where his head doesn't fit.

    lame but worked :)
  4. xen

    xen insanity by design

    good thread :)

    one from training last night...

    four of us were doing katana work last night, two BB's, me and a lad who has recently got his first katana.

    we working on the basics, it was a relaxed, workshop type atmosphere.

    Anyway, I was slightly apart from the other three just going over stuff on my own, when my house-mate turned his attention to what I was doing. He said there was something wrong with what I was doing, but he couldn't quite see what it was, so the microscope got turned on to me.

    The two BB's closely watched what I was doing. I asked them both to show me how they'd do it. After a few minutes scratching our heads they saw that it was a simple change of grip that I was missing, very subtle, that was putting a slight tension in my shoulder and this was affecting my whole body. We all agreed that this was the problem and I had one of those enlightening moments where you see things differently and much clearer.

    I said, "Guys, thanks, I must have been doing that for over seven years, I can't believe it's taken this long to pick up on it."

    To which the lad quipped, "Huh, dan, you've getting your ninjutsu wrong for SEVEN years!!" (good naturedly, there is alot of quality banter at our dojo)

    I laughed and said, "Yeah, I have been doing that bit wrong, but not anymore. However, you're still doing ALL your ninjutsu wrong, so you better keep practicing!!"

    When we'd stopped laughing it was back to work.
  5. Keikai

    Keikai Banned Banned

    Are you still smoking Dan? :D
  6. xen

    xen insanity by design

    depends on how much back-pain i'm suffering with. :p :Angel:

    Not recently.

    I was gonna ask "Relevance?" but i think i get where you're coming was a very slight and subtle point that only manifests in one specific instance, and normally i'd never make such a foolish mistake (etc etc excuse excuse)

    yeah, you got me, i'm crap, i see it now, i should sell my gi, put my ashida kim books on ebay, donate my weapons to the dojo and take up knitting :D
  7. Lord Spooky

    Lord Spooky Banned Banned

    Na give the Ashida Kim books to Greg...he's collecting them :D
  8. Love Budo

    Love Budo Valued Member

    I have always wanted an excuse to tell the following tale.

    I was in a bar outside NYC last Xmas with my brother in law. He is, by just about any standard, a good looking fellow, although not in the intimidating or macho sense. Anyway, we were at one end of the bar having a couple beers when from about ten yards down the bar this obviously drunk guy yells out, quite evidently to my brother in law and me, "Hey, are you two guys gay or something?" It got everyone's attention, as I assume it was meant to. I replied equally as loud, "Why, are you looking for a date?" Considering the entire bar was now laughing at drunk guy, he din't know what to say or where to hide.

    The whole episode made my night and I doubt I will ever be so quick witted again.
  9. beef

    beef New Member

    lol I like the Winston Churchill retort which went something like:

    Told by one female member of the House of Commons that he was drunk, Churchill replied, "You're ugly, and tomorrow morning I'll be sober, but you'll still be ugly."

    lol :D
  10. xen

    xen insanity by design

    stealing this one from rob newman (old comic partner of david badeil)..

    a woman said to george bernard shaw at a party..

    we should make love, because if the child was born with your brains and my looks it would be very special indeed...

    to which he replied...but what if it was born with my looks and your brains?

    the remark was met with much applause.

    he then left to the garden and closed the patio doors.

    the guests then heard him scream, "aahhrr, i've just passed up a definate promise!!"
  11. Sgt_Major

    Sgt_Major Ex Global Mod Supporter

    lol.... last ones a corker
  12. Bouk Teef

    Bouk Teef Valued Member

    I think this translates roughly as "funny at the time" ;) :D
  13. Peaceful Tiger

    Peaceful Tiger Happy Member

    This is what Spike Milligan said he was going to have put on his tombstone...

    "See, I told you I was ill!" :D
  14. xen

    xen insanity by design

    very true :D

    but in my world, everythings funny all of the time, so its hard to draw lines ;)
  15. hatsie

    hatsie Active Member Supporter

    many moons ago when i was an apprentice carpenter in scotland, i was always getting b.s of one guy. for clarity in scotland, carpenters are called joiners (joiners are called shop joiners, go figure) with the native dialect this name becomes "j'i'nar.

    one day when he was going on about 'jinar this' and 'jinar that' i piped up "i don't know what your always going on about because your not a 'jinar', nope your a 'va-jinar', he he. he loved that joke and i heard it repeated many times, making it his.....

    after leaving that co. i heard that joke a few times, i think that day i invented a bit of classic building trade banter.

    (i hope this is understandable)
  16. cavallin

    cavallin kickin' kitten

    well this is a story about my mum when my parents had a restaurant in france. we were all french but mum was english and got a bit of abuse now and then.
    this woman came in like at 2PM just before they were closing, my mum hinted they were closing soon, hoping the lady would get just a salad or something. but no, she takes starter, main and pudding, blatently being an ****. then she goes to the toilet after she had finished, so mum had finished laying all the tables fresh ready for the evening service later on. the woman comes out moaning about how small the toilet is, gets her hairspray out and uses a mirror in the dining room instead and sprayed all the fresh glasses and cuttlery my mum had put out ( so she had to wash it all again and start again even thought it was about 3.30pm) cos it was a small restaurant and my mum tries to be polite and say, would you mind not doing that etc...and the woman was really annoyed and so said "well, i saw a cockroach in your restaurant" which is a really bad insult considering, and mum said "the only cockroach in this restaurant is YOU, now get out!"
    haha go mum!! i was very suprised she would say somthing like that.

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