How well do you know your online buddies?

Discussion in 'General Martial Arts Discussion' started by Jim, Jul 16, 2004.

  1. Jim

    Jim New Member

    It's funny when you've got to 'know' someone online for a period of time. The comments they make. The style of their typing. The spelling mistakes. The humour they show. All leads you to believe you actually know someone. On an online forum like this where we've all got MA's in common, if nothing else, you tend to fill in the blanks in conversation with little bits of yourself.

    Hard for me to come up with an example off the top of my head, but where you feel that you know them really well and then they make a comment or something that just makes you look blankly at the screen for a while after reading it just goes to show that you having been getting to know them at all. More accurately you've been getting to know you.

    The little 'between the lines' parts that you read into the conversation. The little bits of social lubricant that makes you understand where they're coming from. All that - that's really you.

    Those flooring comments that don't turn out to be a joke. That's them.

    My point? Just a little wake up call. Lots of people have lost friendships, made friendships, even started romantic relationships online because they feel that they've gotten to know someone without actually spending any time with them.
     
  2. Paratus

    Paratus aka Mr. Rue

    Generally I approach the online relationships as I would just a general acquaintance at school. Fun to joke around with, can have a good chat sometimes, but at the end of the day we go our separate ways and we never really get to know each other (not extensively). It's not a bad thing either, just how it is. Maybe get to know them truly later on when you meet outside school (or in this case, MAP) and start talking more in-depth, face-to-face. Everyone has a little bit of personality changes in little different social situations, and until you've seen more sides to that personality, I wouldn't take them more than a friendly acquaintance. Sometimes these different sides come out over the internet, and sometimes they don't. I would say it's best to meet someone in person and get to know them before you draw major conclusions about a person.
    Basically what Jim said ;)
     
  3. bcullen

    bcullen They are all perfect.

    Very deep and very provocative insight into the dynamics of written communication. Now, I may be going out on a limb here but I'm guessing you've been recently disillusioned by someone?

    I always find online communication challenging because of the lack of voice inflection and body language. It's amazing how much we que off these things.
     
  4. YODA

    YODA The Woofing Admin Supporter

    Excellent post Jim.
     
  5. shootodog

    shootodog restless native

    great post jim!

    i have made a few friends online (on another forum) but it was easier because most of us came from one country. the people who were from abroad were filipinos too so it was easier because we had many commonalities.
     
  6. K_Coffin

    K_Coffin New Member

    Great post Jim, very insightful. I know that I, for one, act very very differently in person than on the internet. I think I would be tough to recognize, especially by speech and inflection, since all of that is lost through the computer.
     
  7. JohnnyX

    JohnnyX Map Addict

    Great post Jim - and very topical too!
     
  8. johndoch

    johndoch upurs

    Very true Jim. Personally I tend to think more about what I say. I try and condense my thoughts into as few sentences as possible, partly because I am lazy and partly because I am a slow writer.

    I also swear a lot more in real life :eek:

    Another feeling I get is that there will be some people who probably speak above their station and overstate their authority in the MA's. (I heard a rumour that Yoda is only a 11 year old kid that has a talent with photoshop editor :D )
     
  9. JohnnyX

    JohnnyX Map Addict

    ROFLMAO!

    :D :D :D
     
  10. booksie_girl

    booksie_girl Lucy the Terrible

    Not again :( It's so hard getting blood off the carpet....
     
  11. alex_000

    alex_000 You talking to me?

    You can't actually "know" someone from the net. You'll have to meet them to know them. Sometimes you even meet people and you still dont know them...
     
    Last edited: Jul 16, 2004
  12. teacher

    teacher Valued Member

    Great post Jim.
    The strangest thing for me is the national differences. Jim is spot on that we tend to view our online pals as similar to ourselves in outlook and preferences and then are surprised when someone doesn't say what we expect.
    That said I've had nothing but positive experiences meeting fellow Mappers.
     
  13. Tika

    Tika New Member

    Great post. I agree with you for the most part. I do however think that you can get to know some people pretty well on the net. Yes, you do have to meet in person in order to know them very well, but I do think you can get to know them to a degree. Ive been talking to some people online for years, and Id like to think I know them pretty well. In fact, I went to meet someone a month or so ago, that I had been talking to online for over 7 years. And I found out in person, that I knew exactly who he was, and visa versa....
     
  14. Mrs Owt

    Mrs Owt New Member

    I think alot of us of have been contemplating exactly what Jim has broght up here. Where I think part of the problem lies is where Jim talks about filling in the blanks of what is not said. When we impose our own values or reactions on another person. Sometimes when we read between the lines we are reading something that doesn't exist. We give shallow people more depth and we sometimes miss deep peoples meanings altogether.

    I have always approached internet 'friendship' cautiously because I have observed people I know in real life and see them online and they are very different. That is why I would expect no one to fully say they were my friend until they met me in person. The nuance of your personality can be lost when it is typed. It is only when you meet a person, see their face, their reactions, their body language that you can know the sincerity behind their words (or insincerity).

    All of this being said, I have to echo teacher and say that so far meeting MAP'ers has not been disappointing. :)
     
    Last edited: Jul 16, 2004
  15. Kwajman

    Kwajman Penguin in paradise....

    We all hide little nuances about ourselves. Not necessarily on purpose, but it wouldn't serve any purpose here on MAP. I use a lot of humor, Thomas is normally pretty serious, but really, we're both probably somewhere in between. We look up to Yoda and KC (and others) and pick on certain members, but all of us are probably pretty normal people. Well, some of us AREN'T normal, but thats another thread.

    Booksie had a thread awhile back about things people wouldn't normally know about ourselves unless we told them. I found that really fun, and was sorry it died out. Its the little things that make us each individuals. Thats part of the fun of meeting each other outside of MAP.
     
  16. Jim

    Jim New Member

  17. Tika

    Tika New Member

    I revived it as you were posting jim
     
  18. Jang Bong

    Jang Bong Speak softly....big stick

    I've always thought that good use of accenting (bold/italic/underline) can allow me to add the inflection that I want to add. I have a tendency to give everyone the benefit of the doubt - they are all good people until they prove otherwise, while all the time taking the whole of life with a pinch of salt. At the same time, with me, Wizzy-Wig [sorry WYSIWYG]. :D

    Anyone with a mind to can use this sort of forum to give a false impression of themselves, but the more they post and are read by others, the better the picture can be drawn from the consistancy (or otherwise).

    I'm interested in those that admit to being different in posts than in person. Is it not just that we can consider a bit more what we want to say, and choose our words more carefully than responses that are spoken, and heard, and reacted to? If anything we may see aspects of the truer person [so speaks a shy child who could not read aloud in class, but now teaches adult evening classes :eek: ].

    If you are the type that finds it hard to 'break into' a conversation in a group environment, then at least here you can say what you think and then get agreed with :) laughed at :D abused :p or shot down in flames... :woo:

    Fully enjoying MAP, and everyone I'm 'meeting'. Regards to you all... :)
     
  19. morphus

    morphus Doobrey

    Round of applause for Jim for making the most interesting off topic thread in about 158 yrs. :)

    So - there are traits left out of posting that you have in your everday life & some thown in there that you hide. I can get on board with that.

    But are we showing the real person posting? I think we are but not all at once, over time you can put these post together jigsaw style & you get a half decent mental picture of a person, but that is(as someone pointed out)only half of what we react to. Other things being body language, tone of voice.

    I think posts show mood swings - noticed that a lot!

    Some people are incredably shy but can communicate well in this media, face to face they may not do so well.

    The MAP meets i have been involved in have been both fun & interesting.
    Made me a lot more confident in teaching. When the guys(White wizard & K- girl) came down to me, i was s****ing myself in case they thought what a fraud or an a*se. So i put on as friendly verbal(basically talked as much as poss' & hope it made sense) aproach i could - it came out ok but i asked myself after did they see the real me that day? In the end the answer was yes because i had that in me even though i don't usually have that much of a verbal front.

    MAP! ;) :love:
     
  20. Kinjiro Tsukasa

    Kinjiro Tsukasa I'm hungry; got troll? Supporter

    This is a good point. If you hang around long enough, and make enough posts, it would be pretty hard to maintain a lie, if that's what you were trying to do. You'd slip up sooner or later.

    As for me, it's pretty much WYSIWYG (what you see is what you get). Not physically, maybe (that "Relish Girl" pic of me is old), but in other respects, yes. :) I'm probably a little deeper than I seem online; that tends to be obscured by humor sometimes. ;)
     

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