How do you get rid of a bully?

Fear

One other thing that is great about geoff thompson is he talks a lot about fear. I was absolutely pooping myself throughout the whole episode I have described in the previous post and I was really ashamed of being afraid. But Geoff Thompson is very good in explaining that this is normal. He tells you how to deal with it and that is really worth reading.

 

make it stop

Ok bulling(hope i spelled it right) is caused by an embalance of power weather it be physical or mental. Most bullys are cowards so what u wanna do is walk up to him and hit him just hit him as hard as u can dont stop u have to make an example out of him hit him till he bleeds and then some more humiliate him and it will stop.

 

Isnt that a little harsh?

 

jogenn, thank you for sharing your experiences with us. Geoff Thompson does give some excellent advice. You showed that you had gained your self respect, but, to keep the advice balanced, I must point out that the action you took could well land you in prison with a charge of GBH with intent (sec. 18). IMO the action you took was not self-defence it was revenge.

This is a difficult situation, you had already proven you were not scared of this individual by turning up. Granted the individual was obviously aggressive in nature and prone to fighting, but he did not show, according to your post, any signs of aggression towards you. You did what you thought was right, certainly if this person had shown any signs of aggression, then yes, hit them.

Lance, your advice falls into the same category. Hitting someone without provocation in that instance constitutes a criminal offence, especially using the level of violence you are advocating.



Every action has an equal and opposite reaction
Simple law of physics. Every action we undertake has consequences. You should be as aware of these consequences as possible in order to make effective decisions, especially when they can have such life changing effects. If you are in a situation that you honestly believe requires the use of force against another, then by all means use it. But keep in mind what you are doing and what the reprocusions might be. When entering into physical confrontation you are entering a potentially lethal situation. No-one has advocated getting a weapon and killing a bully, why? I would hope its because you regard it as an extreme action. So why is using violence any less extreme?

There are other consequences to be aware of. On occassions bullies have friends that are willing to jump in and either save the bully from you, or will exact their own revenge in some twisted view of honour. The law also carries its own consequences. You can be arrested and charged with a variety of offences, mostly based on the level of injury you inflict. Many of these carry long prison sentances. Let me explain about prison. In short, its crap. You are effectively cut off from the real world and although you might get glimpses of it through visits, phonecalls and letters, in many situations you are powerless to do anything to help anyone in the outside world. I've seen this helplessness destroy people.

Before anyone throws the saying "Its better to be judged by 12, than carried by six" at me, I will only agree when you can honestly say that you were going to take a beating, so in order to survive this, you gave your own beating.

Geoff Thompson gives excellent advice. He advocates the use of violence in the form of a pre-emptive strike. He also advocates losing your ego. Avoidance, anything that will ensure that the situation does not become physical. If you are unlucky and it turns physical, then yes, the above adage applies IMO. You should still be able to determine the level of injury you are going to inflict on someone. Knocking someone to the floor, preferably unconscious, is spot on IMO, but then preceeding to wail on them hand and foot can not be described as self defence.

"Ah!! But what if they get up again?" comes the cry! I would say "So what??" either you have legged it or can be pretty safe in the knowledge that you've done it once, why can't you do it again? At some point they're going to get the hint.

So I'm going to say this again, for the hard of reading, Gung-ho egomaniacs or the just plain stupid:

VIOLENCE IS AN ABSOLUTE LAST RESORT

To advise anything else would be one of the most irresponsible actions going. Would you advise cleaning a loaded gun, with the barrel pointed at you, with the safety off?

So use your brain and common sense!!!

I must point out that you should not allow the fear of consequences deter you. Let the fear guide you to the safest resolution, by looking at all the options and consequences. This way you can take effective action that isn't going to land you in deeper than the situation you're already in.

 

There is a lot in what you say

I actually agree with you.
Looking back I think I was pretty trigger happy, and I think I was lucky
not to go to jail. I don't think what I did was the wisest thing.
I think that I felt very weak at the time and so I was more likely to resort to
violence because I felt so humiliated that it literally ruined my life.
I couldn't enjoy anything at all in my life and became obsessed with dealing with this guy.

Now had I been a martial arts expert, a good boxer or a weightlifter, I would have felt much more powerful and far less threatened by him.
In that case, I think I could have dealt with it with far less violence.
That is the great thing about martial arts, the stronger you really are, the less you actually need to fight.
The point is I felt I had something to prove to myself and everyone else.
If I felt stronger, I wouldn't have had anything to prove.

Peace

 

make it stop

Harsh mabey but you have a devine right to protect yourself and i know your saying that the situation was dnagerous but it could very well end up that way once someone knows you wont fight back they wont stop and other people will mess with u to it will keep hapening thats why u have to make an example out of him

 

I'd strongly advise keeping within the law. Yes, if the guy starts something, you have the right to fight back.

But I think Judderman summed it up nicely as revenge. If it had gone wrong and Joggen had been put in jail, instead of having to deal with some guy once a week he's going to be watching his back 24/7. Plus future employment issues etc.

 

There is a world of difference between standing up for your self and making an example of someone.

I'd of thought that was obvious.....obviously not. :bang:

 

I had a bully for a couple months in elementary school. He would always push me around, and I was a quiet kid and would just ignore him trying to avoid confrontation. I told the teachers too, but this just made him more angry and didn't help at all. So one day, when he started pushing me around, I was absolutely fed up. I just pushed him back, looked him in the eye and said something like "fine if you really wanna fight, then let's fight". After that he left me alone for good. Thing is, he didn't have many friends, and I did, so I didn't have to worry about that whole angle.

 

@Dave: yes, you're right, this is one of the most effective way to get rid of a bully. Jogenn and Lance said to attack first however this is totally unapropiate in an instituation that doesn't tolerate violence. You can get expelled, charged with assault, have a criminal record that most of the employers don't want to hear about.
The problem in these situation is that a bully provokes you with humilliating words and if you start the fight everyone blaims you. However, if you stand up and tell him (preferable in public) someting like :" I believe you really want to get in a fight with me. I don't like fighting but that doesn't mean I couldn't snap the nose of you. You're just hiding behind some fancy words, when in fact you couldn't handle a fight."

The whole this talking has these advantages:

-saying " I believe..." or " you give the impression..." makes the other people share your point. You can use more impersonal words to make your statement look like a general truth. This thing is often used in the media and people who know little about the topic are the easiest to convince.

-saying you don't like fighting shows that you aren't look for a fight. You can repeat this idea several times to make sure the people remember it when asked in the future. Additional, if the bully gets closer to you you can take a few steps back but continuing the offensive with the words. These are small details but can help you a lot if a witness is asked to describe the conflict.

-and at last, by insulting the bully, and hitting his ego he has 2 choices to make : either he attacks or draw back. In the second case, everyone present will know you can't be easily picked up In the first case it's up to your fighting skills if you win or not and you could be still be seen as a tough guy. I won't tell you not to hurt him bad. Unless you are very used with street fighting, you won't be able to think " oh, if i hit him there I'will cause a lot of pain, I'd better hit me overthere". In the middle of the fight you just hit where you can. However you can't hit him once he is no longer able to fight. It can lead to a charge of murder attempt!!!.

If the bully has high communication skills it can dodge your verbal attack and put you back on a defensive stance so msut continue this attack. The idea is to give him an ultimatum with only 2 possibilities: attack or retreat. The only thing is that you must look confident enough, you msut be prepared to fight, you can't bluff or when the situation gets too tense your body will betray you showing fear. I think the mide must pe trained much better then the body.

I admit I haven't tried this method. It was told to me a few days ago by a friend who went to a different university and had the same problem. The bully didn't start a fight and grumbled for a while but in the end he let go. He knew that it didn't worth getting into a fight and being injured. That was because my friend looked reallly serious about being ready for a fight, he looked like he didn't have anything to loose while the bully had everything: ego, fame and some blood. I think that's how we all must act if we want to solve these situations.

In my case, after 4 weeks of school, I got friends , and this bully saw that when I'm with someone his methods are inefficient. People start to know me, I've already made some good impression on some teachers and I think these bullies feed with your unhappyness and solitude and when they see you're happy with your friends they just stop harrasing.

 

Some great examples of verbal disuasion!!

And an excellent conclusion to a horrible situation!!

 

whatever

WOW does it make u feel smart to interpret what people say i never ment to advocate anything so dont put words in my mouth i only said what i THOUGHT he should do if he wants it to stop


I thought this page was about personal opinons and advice how do YOU get rid of a bully?....obviously not

 

Just hand him over to the system so that someone knows what's going on. Then if you have to rip him to smithereens, they will know he started it.

 

Personally, I would get him alone at some point and come right out and ask him why he treats you like he does...? Ask him if embarrasing me in front of other people makes you feel good? Tell him ...man, I am just trying to fit in, you know I am new here and it's not easy. Appealing to his sence of right and wrong will often do the trick.

If he is a real prick, and he answers like a wise guy, tell him then we are going to have a problem, and I would like to get it out of the way right now if you, as you say are going to continue to act like this toward me. It will shock him into knowing you are not afraid of him, which is his main intent most likley. One on one as you are, he will smarten up...I can almost guarantee it. No one likes to fight with an unknown confident person.

 

I had to deal with a guy like this in High School. He would always push me around for no reason. One day I'm late for class. I've got all my books in my hands and here's this bully with all his friends. I'm running down the hall towards them because I'm late for class. He decides that he's going to push me into the lockers. I was so ****ed off at this, I had it and this was going to end here and now. I throw my books down on the floor and get in his face and yell " Dude, what is your problem?!? he was a little surprised at my response because I was ready to go right there and then. No doubt in my mind that he would have kicked my ass. He just kinda laughed a little and kept walking. He never bothered me again.

So just ask the guy, "what exactly is your problem?" or "What are you trying to prove?" And make sure you do it in front of everyone. Put him on the spot. Ask him "do you think everyione is impressed with the way you treat me? Then ask him " Do you want to settle it outside, if not then SHUT THE F_CK UP!"

 

Bully's = all talk, they can usally only back it up when their friends are around. Ok, heres my lil story about this bully, this year actully. Right now im a freshy, and since I got in high school this junur kept bugging me and making fun of me. Usually I won't get all that mad but this guy went past the limits. One he kept getting up in my face sayin stuff like I thought I could beat up anyone (even though I can't and I know it). So, he was gettin all up in my face, so I punched him right below his neck and he dropped to the ground crying (didn't hit his neck, right below it). Now, he mostly stays away from me, he'll ask me some questions or talk sometimes (barely), he don't trash talk about me or anything anymore. I know, I shouldn't of punched him and stuff but hey, it worked. Im not saying you should do what I did, hey im not even givin advice really, im just tellin you what happened to me.

~TL~

 

If you felt threatened at that particular moment i think you did the right thing. A premptive strike when threatened is appropriate.

 

Bullies, to an extent, are inevitable. However, they do seem to have their bane in certain types of people, who seem to discourage them from bullying. Example, in grade school school, a long long time ago I was waiting outside a door for class when some kid, much smaller than myself came up and asked for help, as these two *older girls had taken over the merry-go-round and wouldn't let anyone else on. The situation was obvious. I went over, stopped it, and told everyone to get on, I didn't confront the girls specificly, I merely corrected the problem, it was afterwards that they came up to me and threatened me with bodily harm. I shrugged that off, didn't care, and I felt great for having help others.

Same sort of stuff happened periodically, I don't think I personally was ever bothered by bullies. In highschool we had a guy who was rather bigger than the rest of the students in general. He had a general habit of picking on other students and such, however, it would seem that my presence would disuade him for continuing those actions, as he avoided picking on others whilst I was nearby; and he definately never messed with me. I'm not sure why bully-types acted that way around me growing up, but I can hardly believe that it is an anomaly.

So my solution, is to figure out who in class has that "anti-bully" vibe, and hang around him. Doing so will likely get you feeling more secure, and you'll not have to resort to violence to deal with your attempted offender.

Some people just have a way with bullies, and live to see justice served. I don't know how common those ppl are, but I imagine they are fairly frequent.

 

If my experience would help, as it has been said many times before you just have to face him. This is hard to do but I've done it on several occasions and most of the time the coward won't even look at you after that.

I too have faced these alone. Actually, on every occasion I have. People just like seeing my thrown to the pooper I guess, but once I make myself out to be a crazy b*stard they usually back down.

The best way I've discovered to keep yourself from being bullied is walk with your head up and periodically glance around like you're just curious about something. Facial expressions are a must: if you look gloomy, depressed or saddened you are an excellent target. Don't forget to look confident: you almost have to strut! YOU'RE A GANGSTER!

This "aware persona" seems to dissuade them.

 

No offense but this is just a way to avoid the real problem. The real problem is that he doesn't stand up for himslef. And standing up for himself is exactly what he needs to do. Get in the guys face, risk an ass whoppin'. Stand up for yourself!