By learning not to agonize about how difficult it is. Which, according to everything I've read in this thread so far, is a huge problem for you. Seriously, stop complaining that you had tough odds, stop making excuses for not beating the black belts and get to work. Step on the mat knowing you're going to get punched and put your chin down. If you turn away and get knocked out cold, it's your fault for getting so worked up that you throw away the structure that keeps you safe. Plenty of people learn this just fine. If you lose because you consistently go down out of fear of a throw, it's on you. Plenty of people counterthrow and avoid throws without going down. It's not impossible. If you go to a tournament ignorant of the etiquette expected, it's not the judge's fault. Plenty of people learn far more complex rituals pre-fight. Really, you need quit trying to justify the things that don't fit your self-image, accept that you are the part of the equation that is lacking, and work to reach your goal.