Hey everybody! I'm sure hardly anyone noticed and even less cared, but nonetheless I decided to give a lifesign. Not dead. Bye. Now, the TLTR-version. I was having a rather crappy time. For months I hardly was going to my own training myself; I hardly managed doing the kids, but these I still did. Now - I am not going anymore. For some time. Last week one of my Chinchillas died. Comparable a minor thing, I admit that, but it kicked of an avalanche in my hand, and I had to make some decisions. Fast. Before I could change my mind again. To use a metaphor: For months, maybe even a couple of years, I was so concentrated on keeping the roof intact, that I didn't look out for the foundation. I used some workarounds to keep the roof sort of free of bigger leaks, but in the same time my foundation crumbled. So, obviously a house can't make it without a proper foundation. Nicest roof, destroy the foundation and the house will collapse. And if finally started to do exactly that. Without me actually noticing it. So I talked to the people in charge (trainings wise; after all I'd need someone to take over the kids in that time) and asked for a four to six break. I got six to eight; if that's even enough. The guy won't become a motivational speaker , but I got assured I get all the time I need. My plan is the following: I take some time off, so I don't have to think about training or anything sort of stressful. Without feeling bad about it; which would be a big difference to be before. The only things I will have to do during the next weeks are totally basics to daily routines. I will make sure to brush my teeth, feed the pets, make something to eat, ... So essentially things every normal person just does. I on the other hand have to re-learn to do things like that again routinely. In addition I will work on actually some hobbies and the such instead of sitting on the couch, considering them - just to do nothing. Again, without feeling bad about doing those, but not other things, I feel I should be doing. My final goal will be, to go to training every day in addition(!) to have a working daily routine again. It will probably take some time, but I made it work once, maybe I will manage a second time. That, and losing 20kg again, because my medication made me fat. So far I started by tidying up my flat, eating a little better then before (which, in fairness, isn't that hard) and just taking my time. I had my blood tested (I might be on my way to Hashimoto-disease, but so far I don't need to worry) and an ECG (nothing unusual). Which essentially also means, that a lot of my "secondary problems" are due to the medication; not sure whether that's good or bad So... yeah. Still alive. Still fighting. But a rather dumb fight. Not as much fun as training. And is also so... degrading, when I consider what other people have to go through. Maybe I should have actually taken some time for vacation and not just talking about it, who knows. I'd still like to lol But there's hope, I will make it back. Apparently some of the kids will be waiting (I told a few of the parents, with whom I have more to do, compared to the others).