girls and sparring

This one is directed to all the girls on this forum.

How do find sparring in class - do you enjoy it? Do you hold back?

The reason I ask is that I had the absolutely worst sparring session EVER in class last night. There were a few reasons:

-I was sparring against a boy who was quite rought before, so I was a bit aprehensive.
-I was scared of getting hurt
-I didn't want to hurt the other person
-And as always, when you are doing badly, the instructor always notices (hardly ever when you are dong well).

Usually I am not too bad at this, but I don't know what happened last night. It seems different with the men - they love it. I just seemed to have a mental and physical block which made me freeze.

Is this a girl thing - are we less keen on fighting? Or is it just me? I have only been doing Kung Fu for 14 months, so we don't go all gung ho on the sparring - just enough force to ge the techniques down, look for the spaces etc.

I was just soooo annoyed with myself for letting myself get so wound up about it then performing badly.

Can anybody give me some advice, or share their stories - pleeaaasseee!!

 

When you spar you can't be afriad to get hurt, if your afriad to get hurt your doubting yourself. Believe in your ability and just fight the best you can. Give 100% of all you got. Thats your only chance of surivial, and to avoid injury. You can only escape that by being better than your opponent. If your better than your opponent then he/she get hit, if they are better than you get hit. Sparring is a game of physcial and mental challenge.

I use to get knock down quiet often when I was a kid by my fellow seniors, and the bigger black belts. Mostly is because I was much smaller or I walked into to kicks. Is quiet harsh for me too, because my step father whos the school owner would force to me fight people that are twice my size, or way more experience thats beyound my level. And he would literally order them to kick my butt. At that time I was still a teenager, I was phsyically and mentally challenged everyday. Sometimes they wont even stop the match untill someone is knockdown, or knockout. A lot of the time I just hide and cry after, but I would held it in till the class is over. You just gotta get use to it through practice. Eventually you will see things more clearly and you'll be the one doing the damage. ^_^ Sparring is a long long journey, which dosent had an end. No matter how good you are, theres always someone faster stronger who can slap you around like is there duty. I gotten over that path now through years of harsh training. If someone like to fight hard, I'll play there style. If they like to spare light I'll do the same. Usually if someone hit me with 100 pound force, I will give it back its equal to let them know whats up. Sorry you had a bad sparring session, but sounds like the guy you sparred need a reality call. Men and women are not equal in physcial attributes, theres no reason why he should be kicking any harder than you are kicking him. Or maybe he just don't have any control, that I dont know. Anyway if this is a problem, you should disscues this with your instructor. Some people just arent fighter build, not everybody can take hits like there on drugs. If you dont enjoy sparring, then theres no reason why you should do it. Do what you enjoy the most, forms, weapons or what ever.

 

I am a male, and can promice you from own experience that you cannot divide between men and women. I like to spar, but not if I feel my sparring partner is too focused on who's winning; I allways back out when that happens.


Once I actually had a little breakdown on a sparringsession and started weeping on my trainer's shoulder, it was wery wierd, I hadn't cried for at least 10 years. (I am 28 years old)

The dam bursted after sparring full contact longsword for 1 hour without a break, and my teacher kept hitting me in the same places over and over again, and no matter how hard I tried to force my body to improve, I saw no sign of improving. Allthough it hurted like hell on my arms (they were black from the biceps and down to the thumb for over a month afterwards), I believe it was more the frustration of having a brain that wanted more of my body than my body could deliver...

I bet there are plenty of females out there that thinks I'm a wimp and that loves sparring for competition, full contact, whatever!

 

In these situations, I trick myself by redefining the experience as conditioning. It might be as simple as that for you, too. It might even help you dish out more

Rgds,
David

 

Male response here.
I am an instructor and I am constantly reminding the males in class to utilize control when sparring women or girls. There are some kick ass girls who can take your head off in sparring, but because they are female their bodies can not take quite the same contact as males. Your instructor needs to be cognisant of what is happening durring sparring sessions to ensure that females are treated with respect from their male sparring partners. As you become more experienced in your sparring you will be able to avoid poor control sparring, but untill then either you or your instructor need to remind the boys that they should be focussed on their control more while sparring you.
Learning to sparr is an invaluble componnent of your ma training. It is important to learn how to take a hit and how to avoid a hit as well as delivering a hit. I remind the students of mine all the time that when take a good shot in class from me or a fellow student this raises thier level of tolerance. They will come to realize one day maybe when some bully hits them they can turn and say "Is that a hit? I've been hit much harder in class" Your training will keep you in the fight and give you the ability to defend yourself properly. Without the practice of taking hits in class, you might break down and stop fighting when it really matters.
So, learn to take hits, but help your partners understand that you can not take the same punishment that the other males in class might be able to take.

 

Personally, I do enjoy sparring, but not when it gets overly rough. I don't feel the need to really hurt my partner or knock them out. I view sparring as a mutual learning event; we are both students and teachers. We are not there to compete with one another, but rather to compete with ourselves and help one another improve.

Occassionally, however, someone will come on really strong and raise the scale. In that case, I give as good as I get and make sure they understand that I'm not about to be bullied just because I'm a girl. Most guys who try that on me once don't try it again. Fighters who are over-aggressive tend to leave themselves wide open. Often it just takes one good shot in the ribs or solar plexus to get them to reconsider their strategy and back off.

As women, sometimes we have to fight twice as hard to gain half the respect.

One thing I suggest is to work on your kicks. A strong side-kick can stop an overly aggressive opponent in his tracks. Good technique will more than compensate for any difference in strength.

The difference between women and men is not whether we fight, but why we fight.

 

Thanks for all the great replies.
Gojuman, you make some good points.

My instructor is usually good in pairing people of similar size/sex etc. but last night there was a lack of girls to fight with. Normally, I like sparring with boys because they pose more of a challenge (I usually chastise other girls for being too soft). But, I don't know, lately I have developed a bit of a mental block to sparring. Could be because I recently got kicked in the hand and it still hasn't healed. Sometimes, I'm just not in the mood for being kicked and punched.

I agree, getting hit isn't usually that bad, and as you say, it never hurts as much as you think it will. I always had the impression if somebody hit me really hard they would knock me out - it is surprising how well you can take a hit.

I was told to relax more, because the more tense you are, the more you will get hurt. But somebody telling me to relax just makes me more tense - aarrgh!.

I guess it is just practice. I've only been doing it for a year and I know I have a long way to go - it is just soooo frustrating sometimes!

As an instructor, how do you deal with girls when sparring - what do you expect from them? I don't want to make too much of male/female differences as I belive the gap can be closed, but the men I know do have a different attitude to fighting. How do you deal with this?

Many thanks

 

If I don't know the young lady very well, I tell her not to hold back, go all out in class. It helps both of us me to keep my hands up and her to fight someone bigger. I'm VERY tall and a lot of the ladies in my class are kind of intimidated by sparring me, but theres a lot to learn about sparring against a much taller person.

 

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As an instructor, how do you deal with girls when sparring - what do you expect from them? I don't want to make too much of male/female differences as I belive the gap can be closed, but the men I know do have a different attitude to fighting. How do you deal with this?

When I sparr girls or less experienced karateka of any sex I let them control the pace of the fight. I encourage them to practice their good form and control and I let them score so that they understand what it feels like to complete a technique. I also demonstrate my techniques in turn to let them feel the attack, but I watch my control. Girls can only take so much when struck in the breasts so one has to be careful. I work on my "target practice" so to speak so the fight posses a chalange for me. I work my control and aim for body targets that can take a shot better than others.
What I expect in return is that girls try their best and not cower away when they should circle out from an assault and counter for instance. I expect that they should not fear that I will pound them. As their sensei they need to trust that even though I can beat them I won't hurt them. This builds their confidance and as they progress in their fighting they will be able to take more and heavier shots. If some one is very afraid durring a sparring session I do very little attacking to let them build more confidence. The last thing I want is for any of my students to become afraid and quit studying. They will get better over time and realize that they can survive a great many ordeals.
If there are men in class or boys that are too rough on any body I won't let them sparr the girls or smaller partners untill they learn about control.
To the men and women who are too rough. Remember what goes around comes around, and if the little woman you socked accross the room can not get you back there will be someone to avenge her when you switch partners. Please respect all of your dojo brothers and sisters. You are all learning to fight better and you should always be thinking about helping your partner learn and not just show how strong and quick you are.

 

shotokanwarrior, its great that you can take mucho punishment but I think he was just saying that perhaps not every woman can. Mind you, not every man can for that matter.

I cannot ever know the answer to this (unless i befall to the curse of man boobs) but is there a difference between getting repeatedly punched very hard in the chest for a man compared to being punched repeatedly very hard in the breats for a woman? I dont know the answer, and am not trying to take the p**s.

 

i personally really love sparring. i have loved it since the first sparring i had. i also love going to competitions and fighting.

when we started sparring, my instructor paired us up with students who were on our level. soon afterwards, not even guys in my group wanted to spar with me. i was really merciless. that's the way i am. when i spar or fight at a competition, i forget about the friendship, and especially the possibility of getting injured. i believe in myself and my skills and my instructor. i start fighting and i do my thing. i don't stop unless it's the end of the fight or a KO. then my instructor started pairing me up with students who had higher belts than me. i loved it although at the beginning it was difficult for me. i sparred with black belts when i was only a green one. but the most important thing is that i have never given up. i have never said that i quit. i have always given my best and btw i really love sparring with guys. it's a good practice to spar with both boys and girls.

he notices it. i am sure he does. i am an instructor as well and i know what i am talking about. so don't worry, ur hard work is definitely noticed.

someone said that girls can't take it as hard as guys. i disagree. as i have already said, i sparred with guys black belts when i was a green belt. i wouldn't divide girls and guys because my kicks are mean too. and i don't divide girls and guys at my club. whatever they do, they do it no matter who their partner is.

concerning ur fear when sparring...it happens. u r not an exception, so don't make a big deal out of it. u have to get rid of that blockage. think about it a little bit. it's all in ur head. try using a bench that has the same height as a chair let's say, and try doing the kicks over it. for example a side kick with a jump over the bench. often students who don't trust themselves doing such things have a blockage when sparring. try hitting a punching bag. do u have a blockage? what about when u hit the pads that are held by someone? any blockage then?

 

i like to spar sometimes, but as mentioned before it does depend on the mood im in.

thing is im the smallest in the class and there is only one other female in my class who has just recently started, so bascially my class is full of men, who are all bigger than me, so its a thing that the grls dont want to be seem as wimps .
there are certain people that i dont like to spar, because i feel that they havent got that much control and are only there to hurt someone. but if my instructor asked me to spar them i would, because i am training to become a proper instructor, so i need to toughen up, at the moment i am a junior assistant instructor (i mainly help out in the kids classes but occassionly the adults too).
but yes to me i have to work pretty hard to get just a little bit of respect. as its not easy to gain respect especially as im younger and smaller than everyone there. so sometimes sparring is the only way to get it.

but you do also gain respect for how you take a hit, so if you got hit really hard in the face, if you can just carry on sparring and work through it, you tend to get given just that bit more respect.

peace Loci

 

Male response
I've not been studyng MA for long, and I've sparred against all grades and experience levels. I've found some of the medium grades can be the worst to fight - people who seem to think that as they have a bit more experience than you and wear a higher graded sash that they can treat you like dirt and kick you around.

I've fought against senior instructors who treat the sparring session as a lesson and it is so much better. I've definitely enjoyed these the most even though on occasion I have been hit more and harder and seemed to spend quite a lot of time picking myself up from the floor. But it was carried out at a pace that I could handle and slowed down when it was getting out of control.

I don't think that the male/female thing should be such a gulf. We should all have respect for our fellow students and react to them.

 

On the average female bodiy's skeletal structure can not absorb the same punishment as male skeletal structures. I certainly mean no disrespect to any woman who feels that they can keep up with any body in the dojo. There are women and girls in my school who are kick ass fighters who can take quite a shot and deliver even worse, but like anybody they have their limits (me included) . What I said was that sparring needs to remain controlled and that if a man is sparring a woman he needs to let her control the tempo of the fight.

 

r u saying that girls r slower than guys????

 

While I generally agree with most things that have been said about not putting such a big divide between female and male practitioners I think its worth noting that really how suitable it is for different sexes to spar will depend on the style and the form of sparring used. In point or semi contact sparring like in some TKD for example maybe the division isn't that necessary but say for instance in certain tournament orientated arts like Muay Thai or boxing the division is very necessary. However that said, if the goal of the style is to make you capable of defending yourself in a non sporting enviroment it would seem inevitable to me at least, that you should be sparring (although maybe not right away) against people of all different shapes and sizes and from both sexes.

 

I mean no disrespect either, but this is rubbish. Men should practice good control. Women should practice good control. That's all there is to it. When fighting a man, I am more careful to avoid the groin area. When fighting a woman, I am more careful about hitting the chest area. In our school, men are supposed to wear groin cups and women wear chest protectors during sparring. This helps both parties fight without feeling restrained.

If every male I sparred with let me control the tempo of the fight, what would I learn? Do you think a man who attacks me on the street is going to let me control the "tempo" of his attack?

When I walk into my kwoon, nobody holds the door for me. I enter just the same as my male counterparts. I bow to Sifu, I don't curtsy. I do the same excercises, practice the same techniques, and learn the same forms. When it comes to sparring, I expect no favors from the men, especially from those less experienced than myself. If I get the feeling a man is holding back just because I'm a woman, he is in for a rude awakening.

Male or female, I expect all members of the class to spar with good control, being mindful of the skills and abilities of their partners. Gender never becomes an issue if you measure people according to their abilities.

 

Anyone see the t-shirt "You fight like a girl!" ?

 

LoL. Where can I get one Kwajman?