Well I start my private classes next week. I'm excited and nervous at the same time. I think the bad dreams I've been having the past couple nights are making me nervous. One dream I drempt the instructor morphed into the guy that assaulted me, the other I drempt that he was really nice, only to turn into some alien looking monster and we were all trying to get way from him, but every time we tried to go out the door it would turn into wall. I really hope I can do this!
Good luck with the training! The dreams are most likely just manifestations of your nervousness. Did you decide to take BJJ in the end? If so, I'm sure you'll enjoy it. Aside from anything else, in my experience, BJJ is really good fun!
I'm sure that once you get there and get started, you'll find that your nervousness will disappear, and you'll enjoy yourself. I hope it goes really well.
agreed - getting started will be the nerves, once you have a few sessions done, that will stop. good luck.
From what I've been told it's a mixture of arts. I won't even try to spell them lol. I think once i no longer see him as a stranger I will feel more comfortable. The guy has a big heart, the classes are free(up to a certain amt) he's familiarized with working with abused women, and doesn't come across as intimidating in any way. I have never allowed man to get close to me let alone touch me since that night, so I'm trying to mentally prepare myself.
That's what i hope too. Then maybe I won't feel so uncomfortable around men in general. Yesterday I was in an elevator and a man walked in, I ran out so fast it wasn't even funny. I can't wait till i get my life back again.
Sounds like its a good place to start then. I am sure you will hit a few blocks in training - in truth everyone does and your reasons will be better than most peoples - but I hope this will be good for you. Have you looked at any other material such as the books by Geoff Thompson (anything by him is pretty good and dead or alive is a must on your book shelf but he dosnt just write about self defence some good ideas on life there too).
VNM - I applaud your courage. facing your fears under the circumstances so soom shows amzing strength. I also understand your wnting to put this behind you and "do" omehting about it. however, i am concerned you are taking up training too intently as a means to sheild yourself from processing whats happened to you. are you seeing a counsellor, rape recovery support group or any other resources? I'm concerned about you.... from what i've seen (as a MA instructor for many years) you might be using learning to protect yourself as a shield for denial... allowing yourself not to cope and process with the emotional "blame", "shock", "self-hatred" survivors often experience. i hope this is not the case.... either way.... if your having such dreams..... you might be pushing yourself too fast....... your going to put it behind you.. but your going to have to give it time.. all the training in the world will not undo your vulnerability. all the best.... from the heart
As a man, anything I say on the subject is probably going to sound rather trite, so I'm almost loathe to say anything at all - but I hope that these feelings you have will fade with time. And I hope that joining this class will be a positive step on the road to 'getting your life back again'. I wish you well.
Sounds like you have a great instructor, VNM. I'd only offer one piece of advice since you're moving to the private lesson stage... Make sure you communicate with him. If anything is making you feel uncomfortable, don't be afraid to speak up and take a moment for yourself (talk about it if you can...).
Well tomorow is the big day. I'm not nervous anymore. ~kmguy, wasn't trying to ignore you, you make sense, and when time allows I'll probably look into counseling. Just want to say thank you to all who've answered my questions and have been supportive of my short time here. I've looked at other MA board when i stumbled upon this one, and I'd have to say this one is the best by far!