The following is from when I was in an Aikido school. Part 1 Me: Sensei how come no one can do this technique correctly? Sensei: Because you all suck. Student: But we’re working on not sucking so much Me: Sensei do you like teaching? Sensei: Sometimes, but other times you guys annoy the hell out of me. Part 2 This was when they had a women's self defense class at the dojo. Women were screaming NO after every self defense technique. It was annoying to say the least than my sensei did something funny. Sensei: When they do NO do like this. Me: Sensei you just demonstrated how to counter a rape prevention technique. Is that even ethical? Sensei: Well they are teaching basic techniques to them so I’m just teaching you guys how to deal with it. Me: *thinks to himself* Sensei has gone crazy. Part 3 Sensei: remember always stand on the ballz of your feet. Whole Class: laughs Sensei: Okay let’s begin the Aikitaiso remember stand on the ballz of your feet. Whole Class: laughs again. Sensei: Mario are you standing on the ballz of your feet? Me: Grow up! Part 4 Me: Sensei we should switch the picture of O sensei with Clark sensei. Sensei: That’s a good idea. Me: What!? Sensei: Clark Sensei has done more for us than O-Sensei Sensei: He is Aikido to us. Me: don’t you mean god to us. Sensei: Yes he is Me: *shrugs head in disbelief*
this was pretty funny. your sensei sounds like a real nutjob. everything you wrote sounds fake as hell, but it was still funny.
Were you wanting us to post ours too? Sabum: What did you do today, John? Little kid: I fell off my bicycle! Sabum: Did you cry? Little kid: No sir! Sabum: Good. #2: Sabum (beginning of lesson): When you're a color belt this tall *holds hand 4 1/2 feet above the floor*, and you're sparring with a white belt this tall *holds hand 3 1/2 feet above the floor*, NEVER use spinning kicks. #3: I'm pretty tall and fairly skinny, and I'm sparring this Hispanic guy with a mustache. A little kid watching us says "Whoa! It's Pedro and Napolean!" #4: Sabum: Alright, now you're cooking with grease. You like cooking with grease, right? Bacon? Master Hernandez, you like bacon, right? Master Hernandez: Yes, sir! Sabum: You like bacon don't you Sean? Me: Heck yes I do! Sabum: Heck yes I do, sir! Me: Heck yes I do, sir! Did you really say "Grow up!" to your sensei?
My instructor cracks us up all the time. When we were doing self defence he was saying to a kid. "You'll know the guy who wants to fight. He'll do the Lino Jack walk. Just watch your mother." And tonight he was telling one of our students about his half-pipe for his rollerblading. He's in his 50's. Then he tried to hang some kid up on the punch bag hooks by his belt but pretended he couldn't reach and said "next year when I'm taller I'll get you." His favourite one is him demonstrating white belt self defence. Someone grabs him and he throws a temper tantrum and goes "Stop grabbing. I'm thinking what to do!" - "I don't know that one. Grab me with the other hand." - "It's not working. You must be grabbing me wrong!" This is always followed by him showing how it should be done and tying them in knots and making as if to stamp on their skull.
i like what my renshi does when he's using an uke to demonstrate a takedown and lock. There's the "steal his mobile, phone the police, phone for a pizza, he's not going anywhere" and he'll loosen the lock, explain something while still sitting on a part of his uke's anatomy, going into a long speech, uke fights back. He'll just go "and this is what you do if he misbehaves" and find something else more painful. Might not sound funny, but it is to us! (as long as we're not underneath"
I was talking to my instructor about when he's going to become a master. ANd he goes, "When that day comes, i'll be glad that my last name isn't Bates." Then i go, "Masterbat... oh.. i get it now... That's gross."
The only thing my instructor did that made me laugh was when he had some of the adults spar the kids. He put 3 white belts, and 1 yellow belt in front of me (all of which I had to teach proper technique while fighting), then he looked up, saw my face, smiled and said "Have fun." Then he wlaked off.
what happened next? the least funniest thing i heard was "i saw a black belt grading the other day. They did thirty throws. You will now demonstrate thirty of EACH of the following, then other side to go. Hip throw, sweeping loin, body drop, reverse body drop....."etc. You get the picture There was one time when i was grappling with my boyf, and Renshi comes up behind us. We're in a really good clinch position, and he comes up behind us (we hadn't heard the yamei to stop and kept going, so everyone was watching) and shouts "NO CUDDLING IN THE DOJO" really loudly! We get a fair bit of silly stuff happen, but most of it isn't conversations. Like when we did gun positions (standing, kneeling, prone) one guy went for prone and passed wind so loudly it beat his partners kiai! And there was one comment I heard in line, we've got one guy who slaps really hard on his breakfalls. Two white belts were talking about how he hit the ground so hard. I turned round and said "You're actually wrong. He doesn't hit the ground, the ground hits him!" she was laughing so hard she didn't make the gun, nearly fell over backwards during the kiai, and shouted something really rude instead! Instructor just turns round and goes "Well, that's ONE way of doing it!"
When performing a kata in a group, Sensei said "Watch out for the bags at the back" (ie punchbags). Needless to say, it was a mixed class and most of the back row were female..... Does that means the same thing in US??
I have a few quotes from my karate sensei I quite like.... most of these were not as jokes, and he looked confused when people laughed. (On hunting) I'm pretty good with a shotgun... but when I'm bow hunting, I'm like a ninja. (On Escrima) I wish I could just carry around a pair of ASP batons. I'd be like.... Daredevil. (On the reverse punch) Sensei: This punch is like... (pauses) leftover turkey. There's a lot you can do with it. Student: You can have coldcuts... make a sandwhich.... (My personal favorite, on attacking by combinations) Sensei: It's like the naked lady with the washcloth. They can't cover it all. (looks at only female student in class) I'm sorry, that was offensive, wasn't it? Student: Yes it was, but please continue.
I was at kickboxing class a couple years ago, and my instructor was teaching us to breath out when we were hit in the stomach; so he had us stand in a circle around him, and he went around tossing us light stomach punches. Guess what happened on the first punch he threw into my gut! The whole group (including my instructor) was doubled-over laughing. :cry:
Belt testing last saturday. Yellow belts are doing 1-step sparring. Grandmaster: Do #18! Three yellow belts do #18 Fourth yellow belt: :cry: I'm sorry sir, I don't know #18... Grandmaster: *says consoling stuff, all the instructors have been through even worse, etc* Grandmaster: Mr. [2nd dan], please demonstrate #18. Mr. [2nd dan]: Err... We spent the entire lesson Tuesday going over one-steps
Last night: Sensei blocks one punch then throws another: but the end isn't really important, do whatever you want Student: can you do omotu gake?(sic) Sensei: I can do anything!
