Feelin down

Discussion in 'Off Topic Area' started by tonyv107, Mar 31, 2011.

  1. tonyv107

    tonyv107 Valued Member

    Warning, this will be a fairly long post for those who care to read.

    For any who have read my posts in the past, you'll know this about me already. I've battled with depression since I was 12. All my life I have felt alone. Like a loner, an outsider, an introvert. My biggest bout had been when my mother lost the fight to cancer. I dipped into obesity, developed a WoW addiction and basically became a hermit.

    When I finally made a change, about 2 1/2 years ago I wanted to improve my life so I quit WoW hit the gym and began to feel better about myself. Still didn't have much of a social life to keep me busy on the weekends. And I still don't. I had always been to shy and oblivious with women so I never had much luck in that department either. But I got lucky and met a girl. She was the cousin of my best friends girlfriend.

    Note: I just deleted about 7 paragraphs lightly detailing our relationship lol. Yea it was complicated but what relationship isn't? I realized that no one is interested in a life story so I'll try to cut to the chase.

    We dated for 2 years. Being with her filled that void that I had in my life. I no longer felt alone because I had a GF who loved me. The first year was amazing we basically celebrated any holiday there was to celebrate with an epic dinner or a trip/vacation. We did argue a lot and had our ups and downs but we loved eachother. During our second year my patience had began to wear thin with a certain issue that had been with us since we began our relationship. And it began to push me away. Needless to say our past 5 months together we had not been intimate nor so much as kissed( not including a quick kiss when you say goodbye and stuff).

    I broke up with my GF tonight. Because I felt like we weren't goin anywhere. I had lost attraction for her and didn't really want to spend time with her anymore. I don't resent her or anything like that, I just don't feel the same passion anymore.

    But my problem is that now I feel like I have that void in my life again. It hasn't even been 4 hours and I can't sleep, I feel like this pain is killing me and I will become depressed once again. What should I do?
     
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2011
  2. Hummmmmm....

    4 hours... a bit early to say!
    Go practice your martial Art till you drop, maybe?



    Osu!
     
  3. slickoneuk

    slickoneuk Member Supporter

    I have been there tony. But you have had a girlfriend, escaped the void. You and her had run your course by the sound of things. Best to let each other go rather that wake every day hating each other. You have done it. It aint no thang to do it again. You may have 100 girlfriends, cherish the good times and don't sweat the bad times. The void is imaginary, you have to control it, hell embrace it and use it. When my gf and I split (about to get married) up I did some of my best living and training. Do what you want to do, flip the void the bird and keep on living!

    Regards

    Rob
     
  4. rivend

    rivend Valued Member

    Tony it is good you can vent this,I understand your point of view.

    I asked my sister about what advice to give you. And she said that the amount of time that was spent on your relationship from what you said here should have created more of a closer communication between you two,than what you seem to be expressing.
    And that you need to become more secure in your self worth and confident in yourself that you can find someone else.And that you don't let this demoralize you or keep this situation going over and over in your mind.
     
  5. Fu_Bag

    Fu_Bag Valued Member

    First things, first...

    You must repent by visiting every single page of the "Martial Arts Babes" thread.

    :evil:
     
  6. ShouBox

    ShouBox Valued Member

    Eat well and take care of yourself. When I feel an extreme void or break down I usually run for 2 hours and clean my mind. And with that clear mind I plan out my next move to escape the adversity.

    If you just need someone to talk to, this thread would probably be fine.
    -But if you're seriously concerned about your chronic depression I think you should see a doctor. I doubt anyone here can give you proper treatment if you were continuously depressed for that long.
     
  7. Moi

    Moi Warriors live forever x

    Start something to fill the void. There must be something you've always wanted to do, well mows the time to do it.
     
  8. tonyv107

    tonyv107 Valued Member

    Thanks guys. I am not afraid of not being able to find someone else. In fact, I had considered that I may be happier finding someone I'm more compatible with so I don't think that was the issue. I think it was more the initial shock and how it hit me when I was laying here in bed trying to sleep. I had a good talk with my sister and I'm feeling better already.

    As for filling the void, I think that already began when I started doing Judo/Ju Jitsu since the timing coincides with the point where we began to drift apart. I'm already training MT 4x a week with 2 weight lifting days, so I know I'll have plenty to keep busy with.

    Thanks for the words of encouragement guys I think I can get some sleep now =].

    PS Fu Bag, I will dream of the martial arts babes =]
     
  9. Moi

    Moi Warriors live forever x

    Good luck kidda
     
  10. Blade96

    Blade96 shotokan karateka

    My bro also became depressed after a breakup with a girl he had when he found out she cheated on him He suffered for like years with that, and no girl after that stayed for very long. He too was lonely and being in his mid to late 20's he wanted a family.

    What helped him? a gf he broke up with left him the cat they bought together. This beautiful calico looking cat, Zoey, was born in 2000 and thats when he got her. In 2002 she had babies. And he began to laugh and smile again for the first time in a long time because with kitten's funny behavior how can you not smile? In Dec. 2009 he had a daughter, Holly. She is the perfect daughter for him. No colic, never cried, or nothing. Now I fear his gf, Holly's mother is a control freak and is not nice by the way they are treating me now, and with depression you can very easily get into bad relationships (i have and i have depression also) but my bro has Holly who is good for him

    and he also still has Zoey, who will be 11 in August. :)

    And, my parents allowed me to adopt Zoey's black and white green eyed daughter Princess after my first cat Fluffy died in april 2002. Princess has been so valuable to me.

    And, MA has made me feel great too.

    Do you have a pet? They help a lot! and if your ma makes you smile lean on that too. That's how I try to deal with it.
     
  11. tonyv107

    tonyv107 Valued Member

    Still struggling. My ex is willing to keep trying to make it work, and has made it clear
    Because she keeps texting me. I'm trying to remain firm bEcause she might be able to convince me to stay.

    The thing is we've talked about this a few times in the past, and my feelings still did not change.

    @Blade. Well I have my Doberman pup to keep me company. It's hard to feel sad when I get home after a long day at work and my dog is so excited to see me he's bouncing off the walls, licking me and wagging his tail like a dog on steroids lol
     
  12. rivend

    rivend Valued Member

    Ok blunt question time... Do you think that you can get a better one than her?
     
  13. Hannibal

    Hannibal Cry HAVOC and let slip the Dogs of War!!! Supporter

    I think Tony that you showed a tremendous amount of courage and maturity in ending a relationship. For that alone you should be proud, because it is not an easy thing to do under any circumstances.

    Dperession is a funny thing (not funny ha-ha I might add) and many of the symptoms are the same as regular emotions that everyone feels (anger, sad, hollow etc). Only you can truly know if that is the case here, but what you are describing sounds very, very natural given the circumstances you outline.

    I would avoid trying to "fill the void" as that is pasting over raw emotion which - although hard to deal with - needs to be addressed. Otherwise the negativity will fester and burst through.

    This will be a difficult time, but you have friends here at MAP to vent on in a safely anonymous manner and more improtantly the relationship when you were in it yielded a lot of positive results for you.

    Keep us posted and good luck!
     
  14. tonyv107

    tonyv107 Valued Member

    Im not a believer of the whole " there is only one" thing. I do feel that timing is everything and there may always be someone more compatible. She treated me very well and was very giving but she had issues with intimacy which is what led to my frustration and why I distanced myself.

    Besides that it may be hard to find someone as giving but I'm not really worried about that. My issue is just here and now I feel alone again.
     
  15. Blade96

    Blade96 shotokan karateka

    Maybe just be her friend if that'll work. :)

    Friends are great too and you won't feel so alone either.

    (of course the Doberman is best. LOL. Humans can turn on you in ways that a pet never would.)
     

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