Deceased relative's finances

Discussion in 'Off Topic Area' started by u6s68, Sep 10, 2014.

  1. u6s68

    u6s68 Valued Member

    My gran recently passed away. She had colorectal cancer and my uncle took her in and cared for her.

    At this point she had £2000 in savings. Now that she has passed away my uncle says that she has no money and that the family must pay for her funeral.

    My dad seems to think that he has somehow ripped off his late mother. He claims that my uncle received £60 per month or week (not sure which) carers allowance while she received a pension and some additional funds to help her during her battle with the cancer. He estimated the figure to be at over £200 per week (from the what I have overheard of the arguments) but I am not sure. Anyway he can't work out why my gran was penniless at her death given her income and small amount of savings previously mentioned.

    He said that there was no agreement made between the family that my gran would have to give up all her income in this care arrangement. She spent a lot of time in hospital. All of the family did what they could to be there for her and if she needed anything we would ensure she didn't have to worry about it.

    Any advice for possibly dissolving this situation? We have to plan the funeral next week and I don't want all this ill feeling tainting the memory of a great woman who has had an amazing impact on all our lives.
     
  2. ned

    ned Valued Member


    For this alone your uncle deserves your respect and trust.

    Advice ? You're young -borrow what's needed and give your Gran the funeral she deserves.
    Be the bigger man and let others squabble about the money (a couple of grand !! ) later.
    I don't think your dad has any realisation of the cost of caring for someone so seriously ill .
     
  3. Guitar Nado

    Guitar Nado Valued Member

    First off, I'm sorry for your loss.

    I have been in the position of making sure bills were paid for a sick relative, and arranging the funeral, etc. It's a pretty hard job. Without knowing the family history here, I'm tempted to be sympathetic to your uncle. In the US at least, there are all sorts of little expense that come up that whittle away - even if most of the medical care is paid.

    The savings your are talking about she had to start with isn't a lot. Not sure what funerals cost where you are, but a lot of them here in the states could be double or triple that amount when you figure in the cost of the plot, ceremony, etc.

    My suggestion would be collect a little bit from each family member, and as Ned says, borrow a little if needed.
     
  4. Moi

    Moi Warriors live forever x

    I know of more families that have broken apart due to sticky fingers after a berievemnt. £20k isn't even worth arguing over though, just give your Gran a nice send off
     
  5. Count Duckula

    Count Duckula Valued Member

    +1

    taking her in and caring for her through the sickness deserves a lot of respect. If he spent more money than the legal minimum, that was between him and her. Plenty of older people I know would prefer to pay for as much as possible before asking their kids for money. They would also not discuss this with others because they feel it is THEIR money and THEY want to spend it a certain way.

    And caring for someone costs a ton of money. From increasing the living room temperature, to gas money, to specific food, to a new mattress, to doctor bills, to... I have seen up close how my mother and her sisters cared for her mother when she journeyed into the land of dementia. That is expensive in hundreds of little ways. 10 $ here, 40$ there, 5$ for this or the other... at the end of each month, it adds up.

    There is a high likelihood that the money was spent legitimately. False accusations are a good way to start an eternal feud in the family. And 2000 split a couple of times for inheritance minus the inheritance tax....
    Not worth bloodfeud.
     
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2014
  6. Smitfire

    Smitfire Cactus Schlong

    My wife's nan has gone into care (not even dead yet) and the behaviour of some members of the family has been sickening.
    Descending like vultures on her house when she moved out to basically loot it. While the people that looked after her the most get nothing. Opposing putting an obviously vulnerable women (she has dementia) into care because the cost of care will eat into the money they'll pocket when she dies. Convincing her to buy things she didn't really need that then magically made their way to their houses after a few weeks.
    Sickening.

    Never underestimate how venal and grasping people can be. Even people you think are nice.

    I'm not sure how best to resolve the situation in your case but a whip round seems best.
    I'd gladly pay £2000 not to have to nurse an elderly person in their last months.
     

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