I wasn't really sure where to say this, but I'm also not too comfortable saying this either, so rather than go into the details of what happened, I'm just having problems with.. I'm not really sure what it is, I don't know fear maybe. Control, you know, how to just take things, I'm not weak or anything, I've also come a long way since I started Taekwondo, I've been training in it twice a week for a year now, and to this point, I usually please my master since I perform very well, but it starts getting weird when I'm sparring (90% of the time), and today just techniques like turning-kick countering each other, I start acting up, emotionally, and this affects my physical performance also. There's a lot more to this, but I'm not very keen on saying the rest of this publicly. Just want to know if any of you know where I'm coming from, what I could do to stop this you know. Thanks
Obviously I don't know exactly what the root of this is, but I've dealt with similar issues (as far as I can tell from your post) as an instructor. Now, the responsible advice is to seek out counselling or talk to your GP about a therapy referral. As far as training, it is not something there are short-cuts for. You just have to take your time and work through it. Now, I have a personal relationship with my students, so they know they can tell me about anything that might affect training in confidence, and I'll give them the space and help to work through it in class. If you don't want to confide in your instructor, then it's going to be tough because no-one will understand what is going on with your emotional state. The tension between how certain things make you feel, and not wanting anyone to know you're freaking out inside is a recipe for anxiety. If you want to get over this on your own, you're going to have to learn to remain calm, and this will happen in tiny steps as you become ok with allowing your feelings to come out and work through them. That's the thing about demons; you have to call them up before you can banish them. There is no way to simply make it stop, minds just don't work that way, unfortunately... ...or I might have got the complete wrong end of the stick and given you a load of waffle!
No, this is the right end of the stick, but this is something I strongly believe therapy cannot help with, through experience I understand that knowing the path, is different from walking the path. I wouldn't tell my master this because I'm not really willing to let him down or I'm not sure what he would think, perhaps it is something I can get used to. I could try and remain calm, but I'm not sure how long I would be able to keep that up, in fact the look on my face goes completely dead, my actions go dead, I look lifeless when it happens, and I feel lifeless.
Unless your instructor is a complete numpty, I can't imagine them feeling let down. It's a tough one, because you need some space and gradual exposure to get over this hump, but if no-one understands what's going on you're unlikely to get it.
This must be true, but I'm personally not comfortable with letting my master know this thing, just the impression I'm giving really. It's also with certain people that triggers me off as well. No-one is bad or anything, but there you go.
If you don't want to tell your instructor, that's fine. But I do think that talking to someone who can give you strategies for coping with this would, at the very least, be worth a punt, even if it doesn't work out for you.
Hey, you've got nothing to lose and everything to gain by giving it a go. I really hope you manage to get over the hump that's in the way of your training, however you do it. Good luck, Nightingale.
