BJJ Rants / self-pity wallowing

Here's my rant, post yours if you need to:

I have no heart left. I'm tired. Nothing left. I'm tired of "not getting it". Nothing is coming together. The instructor makes me more nervous when I see he's watching and I do even worse. I get so tired and I can't even defend myself. Why am I doing this? I hate having someone on top of me--I can't get out enough times! Especially those big sonofagunning MA nuts. They're all half-crazy. One's morning wake up alarm is "Eye of the Tiger". Jesus.

I really mouthed off on this damn forum, and now reality has caught up to theory. BJJ is the hardest physical thing I have ever done. I thought it was supposed to be simple. How the heck can they teach it to US Soldiers? It is hard stuff, mate. Anti-intuitive (yes, that's a word I prefer over counter-intuitive).

And my instructor--ugh! Here's an example. He circle around him and he has Tim, a blue belt, lay down so he can demonstrate on him. This is what my instructor says: "Now, I know a lot of you study BJJ videos and read BJJ books... but what none of them will tell you is... that Tim here is a piece of ****." Then he demonstrated a choke.

I'm just tired of the constant macho agression. It's time to take some aikido or some other wussy crap...

I am at my limit. I can't find the desire any more. I am no longer looking forward to going to the dojo.

But I must... or slipthejab wins. :cry:

It is seriously hard. I am seriously bad at it. I cannot pull of a real arm lock from guard vs a resisting opponent! It's been four months. BJJ is just not only show how uncoordinated and slow I am at getting these moves, it's pushed me to the fact that maybe you guys were right from the beginning. Salad bar.

Deep down, I'm a quitter.

I can't escape and can't breath... just tap to freedom, and I tap. Can't take Gracie JJ? Krav Maga is good...

There is nothing left. I gave everything, and it's not enough. I don't know what to do.

I thought I dug as deep as I could given that I have a job and a life... I can't find the fight in me anymore. It's like before the fight even begins, I see myself just getting arm-barred, choked out, or smothered. Can't win like that.

I need to get out of this slump. Don't know how.

Thanks if you read all this crap...

 

1) Hmm... you have some serious misconceptions about Aikido I'd say.


2) When you put in the terms of 'I must or Slipthejab wins'... then you've already lost.

3) All you need is some sleep and some rest and then to take a deep breath and jump back into it. It takes time and practice to achieve a level of proficiency. You're still fairly new to it so it's going to take some time. Suck it up and keep at it.

 

Approach training with a specific technique in mind you want to work in sparring. Work it. After every roll, ask your partner what you did wrong. Write it down. Keep doing that, and eventually you'll have the technique sorted after small but steady improvement. Remember: learning, not 'winning' or 'losing'.

Its a cliche, but: learn to relax. Pick your moment in sparring, and don't cling on in closed guard or waste energy needlessly. If its just a matter of stamina, the best way to improve that is to keep rolling.

Don't hate being underneath: treat it as a chance to work your escapes (see first point).

Really? I'd say BJJ is one of the more difficult MAs because it involves your ego constantly getting broken down. You have to force yourself past that "pants, I'm getting smashed every lesson" feeling, because its going to be that way for a loooong time, particularly if you're in a class where there aren't many other people of your level. Again, I'd suggest the 'work on a few things at a time' approach to sparring to provide yourself with motivation. Works for me.

That's more of a problem. Can't help you with that one - its put me off training at certain clubs in the past (not BJJ), though I'd be surprised if it happens often in BJJ, due to aforementioned ego-smashing.

Four months is nothing. It doesn't matter if you can't pull off a real arm lock or whatever: what matters is if the you now is better than the you four months ago. That is the ONLY measuring stick you should be using.

 

It's hard. But it shouldn't be as hard as you are making out, it's supposed to be fun. I love rolling.

Perhaps you are getting too tired because you are trying to muscle your way into positions and submissions, whereas it's much better to relax and go with the flow.

It sounds like you have a group with a bad attitude maybe, the guys i do BJJ with are really cool and we have alot of fun. When i roll with my instructor he sets me up to get me used to seeing oppertunities and capatilising on them.

 

http://roninathletics.com/philosophy.html

Non-Attribute-Based Training (NABT)
The benefits behind of this training philosophy are two-fold. First of all, when you purposely shelf your attributes in training, you are forced to rely solely on, and develop the element of timing in order to improve your skills. The attributes of speed, strength, and agility, are a great gift and it's a positive thing to try to develop them. However, they can also be used in place of solid fundamentals and to cover up the flaws in your game. Attributes will fade with age and time, but a solid set of fundamentals will ensure that you are able to enjoy training in the combat sports even past the point which would be typically considered an athlete's physical prime.

NABT can be performed by simply adjusting the pace and pressure of your daily training and as always, focusing on the fundamentals of your given delivery system, not the fancy or trick moves that are often popular crowd-pleasers. Training in this manner has often proven to increase the learning curve of an entire class, simply because it allows you to roll with more people of all different experience levels since the absence of attributes tends to level the playing field a bit more for the vast majority who aren't gifted athletes or in their physical prime.

Secondly, and perhaps the more important by-product of NABT is that it ensures a challenging, yet safe and rewarding training environment for everybody at our gym.

 

Dude, most people feel that way. I've been doing BJJ for a year and I only just started landing armbars from guard. Stop being a 'sissy' and go train more. Be even more relaxed. If you need a confidence boost, roll with some friends and you'll see how far you've come. And also, it just sounds like your instructor was making a joke about Tim, have a sense of humor. If not, maybe Tim's a rapist and he deserved it. Good luck.

 

You have too much ego invested in your training, plain and simple.

You shouldn't give a damn if you win or loose in class, it's easier said than done but it's the truth. In fact, you shouldn't even be thinking in terms of win and loose, you should be thinking in terms of what your working on and what you need to be working on.

As an example, when your underneath someone you shouldn't be thinking, "I'm loosing" You should be thinking "Thank god, here's a chance to work at the escapes I suck so bad at". I genuinely get annoyed if I end up on top too much in Judo because I know I'm ok at pinning, not great but good enough to get by in competition at the moment, I don't need to work on my top game* so if I play top all lesson, what was the point of that lesson?

What I like about the Judo place I train is that at the end of class we often all line-up and gave a real fight though, with one of the instructors watching and reffing and the rest of the class cheering on the pair fighting. Thats when i like to invest ego, for that one fight a week and then I'll try and win, and I know the other guy is trying to win as well so if it works there then I can make it work in competition too.

If you want some really specific advice from me then this is it:

Next time you fight and end up in guard, look to pull off a technique, doesn't matter what it is but look to pull it off to the best of your ability, preferably you should pick one of the ones you feel your closer to making wok though.

When that technique doesn't work (And be sure here, it really won't work) Then they'll move to pin you. here's your chance to work on what you need most, escapes from under side and getting comfortable underneath someone. I'm no good at grappling but I would suggest the following:

1. Control your breathing
2. Relax a bit
3. Try to work out what the appropriate escape for that position is
4. Try the escape out
5. If it doesn't work, or you can't see an opening, bridge and shrimp till you can spot an opening
6. Go back to number three
7. If your getting tired go back to number one

If I where you, I would expect to be doing this for the next month or so, don't get frustrated with it, just try to make your progression through the step faster and faster. Actually escaping is secondary to learning about how to do the various aspects of the path that leads to the escape




* Well I do, but nowhere near as much as I need to work on my guard and escapes

 

The kind people at Grapplearts have done an article about this:
http://www.grapplearts.com/2005/10/two-month-survival-blues.htm

There you go.

Of course, it might be that you are training at a club full of macho idiots, but probably you're just jaded and need to change your attitude to training. Think hard about things. There are lots of good BJJ clubs in Melbourne, but none of them will give you easy answers.

There are many ways to get the fun back in your training....
Do you write stuff down? Try to write down all the moves you know and all the transitions from different positions. Think about where you have weaknesses. Maybe get some privates to cover those weaknesses. Find a training partner of your own level and drill on your own outside of class until you can do everything you are meant to at the right time. Take some time out and do a different sport.

BUT...
At the end of the day, grappling is HARD and UNFORGIVING. People who have trained for years with absolute dedication can be tapped by young, strong former wrestlers. That's just the way it is, and if that bothers you too much then its not a good sport to be in. Most people pack in before the six month mark. That's why classes are small in most clubs.

But if you change your expectations it can be rewarding again. Think about just surviving. Improve your defenses. Try to last longer before getting tapped. I have been through exactly the same thing. I spent six months just getting completely dominated. I hardly ever managed to pass guard and just seemed to spend my entire life defending armbars. But now I don't fear armbars, or being crushed in side control, or being choked, or looking stupid. I just roll and I'm happy.

 

Good advice here. But I just want to second the comment from the artist formerly known as Johnno. It takes stones to admit when you're feeling that way. And I tip my hat to you for being so honest about it.


Stuart

 

Sorry AO - I deleted my post just before I saw your response!

 

That's alright. I'll just float out here looking stupid. It's a strength of mine anyway.

 

Good advice from all.

But you said it yourself, its time to do Aikido.

Edit; If you do start Aikido...please dont start threads about how it is the best...

Good luck

 

:yeleyes: Give koyo a PM. He runs and Aikido club. :yeleyes:

 

haha... Wussy doesn't exactly come to mind when I think of Koyo and Aikido.

 

flashlock - as hard as it seems, try not to care during rolling. Care a LOT during instruction, during drills. Get every little detail you can, obsess over them, make it the most important thing in the world. And then when you get to rolling - fugeddaboutit. Let the caring go. Be like "oh, there's an opening kind of like we worked earlier for the omoplata. I think I'll try. Mmm, didn't quite work. Next time I need to remember to push their head to make room for my foot." or "Mm, okay, he's in mount. Let's try that bridge and roll attempt to elbow escape I remember from last week. Ok, not quite, but now I have a butterfly hook in - wonder what I can do with this?" Keep calm, keep relaxed, make it a game. You don't lose $5 every time you get tapped out - you just learned something. It's just a quicker, nonverbal version of asking someone what you're doing wrong in this position. And again, it's a game.

Remember: any game you play you're going to lose at first. If you're going against people that play the same game as you just as much as you but also have a big headstart, it's going to be a while before you catch up to them.

I only started getting significantly better when I started just relaxing and making it into a game. Helped much much more even than the training journal. I went from being the training doll of the gym (and best opportunity to work breaking a vice-like closed guard that just won't let go EVAR) to someone that looks like he might actually practice BJJ.

 

Sounds like you have too much emotion associated with your free rolling. Keep in mind you are there to work on stuff, not go tapping people left and right. Drill more. Break down techniques into the nittiest of gritties. Figure out how stuff works a technique at a time. Then find out how you can link things together into a fluid procession of moves. Then figure out your own personal strategies against different people. It's not a macho, "I'm going to dominate you and make you pee on yourself because I'm the alpha male of the school" kinda thing. BJJ is a chessmatch, it's Starcraft on heroine.

It makes more sense than other MA. But that doesn't make it any easier to master it. US Soldiers don't learn BJJ. They learn several submission grappling techniques. That's it, unless whatever army regiment they're in actually offers a consistent schedule of practices under a legit teacher. Have you looked at the FM Combatives? That thing reads simpler than a BJJ for Dummies book.

As long as he shows you the choke well, pointing out little intricacies that you may not have realized earlier, answering your questions well and helping you through the move, who cares if Tim is a POS.

Now you're just getting whiny. And unreasonable. Aikido? Come on.

4 MONTHS?!?!?! That's it!??! Come on, you entered a whole new combat range and expect to be a Marcelo Garcia in a matter of months? Look if you're really serious about this, put all the other martial arts you are doing on hold, and focus on BJJ. You have to drill like a madman if you want your body to understand what it's doing. Read books. Watch videos. Frequent Youtube. It's a science, and if you don't make it enjoyable for yourself, you make it that much harder to learn.

Very immature attitude for the mats. Who cares about tapping. Pick a few techniques, a combo, a set of moves you want to try against a specific player. If you can drill them and then get to the point where you can pull them off when you want, doesn't matter how many times you tap in a night, that means you completed your goals which to me means you won. The point is not to tap people out, it's to get better, and you can't do that without tapping your fair share.

There is plenty left. Push that emo whiner out of the way and let your pit bull go to work.

How about seeing yourself pull off that one side mount escape you been working on. That butterfly guard sweep. That guard pass to knee on stomach.

 

You've hit a plateau. You just have to take a break and work through it. Anyone who sticks with any MA for an lengthy period of time hits them. Hell, anyone who does *any* physical activity hits them. Best thing you can do is take a mini-vacation, catch your breath, and go back.

As slip noted, was this a joke, or was this serious? It could simply be that he's trying to get you into a particular mindset. If you really don't like him, though, you'll need to decide if you wanna find another studio or not.

See, this I'll agree on. I *hate* the macho crap as well, which is why I'm on vacation right now. My home studio is closed for two weeks and a sister studio is too aggressive. I know I don't learn well under an uber-aggressive or uber-competitive environment. This is one of those things you need to decide for yourself. Part of the problem is the last sentence in this section... life is not always about winning or losing. You bought into that mentality early on, and now you're dealing with it. You either have to deal with it or move on. Harsh, but I don't know what else to tell you unless you simply roll with guys who share your mentality. That may be the answer.

Four months is nothing. Give it time. They're taking the kid gloves off. You're putting WAY too much pressure on yourself.

Not, you've hit a roadblock and are realizing that perhaps some of your expectations got the better of you, there's a difference.

There's your problem right there. If you believe you're gonna fail, well, you're gonna fail. I know that I have to struggle to make a lot of the techniques work, I also know that I'm giving up 45 pounds minimum with most of my classmates, but you know what, I make them work. They have to fight to get the techniques on. My offense is only ok, and so what? I look at it as a learning experience.

Again, I think you just need to take a week or two off and catch your breath. You've hit the dreaded plateau anyone who practices hits. I hit mine in Kung Fu hard when I started doing more instructing. We all do.

 

4 months is no time - I've been rolling for 2 years now and am still getting to grips with basics. That's nothing to do with my ability - against people with no BJJ I rule and against Blue belts from other clubs I can more than give a good account of myself.

It's to do with me being realistic that BJJ is not easy and it is a long haul to get to be any good. There are no quick fixes, just lots of time on the mat being tapped. The trick is to review and learn.

If you value BJJ, stick with it, but get a check on what's possible in realistic timescales and stop measuring yourself against some imaginary marker of where you should be. You'll be where you're at and you'll be where YOU should be when the time is right.

BTW, your instructor sounds like an ass.

 

You can be my coach anytime! I can hear your voice in my head already

 

Same thing happened to me.
Got my blue belt in BJJ (after a couple of years of training) and then got heartily sick of tapping out all the time to other (sometimes much newer) blue belts (there were other issues like trvel distance but this was part of it).
I do martial arts to build confidence but I just couldn't shake of the "depression" (not the right word but you get my meaning) of going through yet another session of defending armbars and not getting the chance to work on what I nedded to. Not so much too much ego as too fragile an ego.
I know it was a weakness but for my state of mind I stopped going.
Part of the reason is that BJJ is so individual. I found it hard to keep tabs on what I needed to work on while also working at my job and other things. BJJ is very dependent on the individual working on things they they know they need.
By contrast other arts just ask you to remember a pattern or do some techniques in the air which is much easier to incorportate into a busy schedule. It takes less mental concentration.