Best response to someone very loud or shouting

Discussion in 'Self Defence' started by EdiSco, Sep 20, 2016.

  1. EdiSco

    EdiSco Likes his anonymity

    Hi guys,

    What's the best response to someone who's trying to intimidate/bully you by being extremely loud and/or shouting in a very heavy/aggressive voice?

    I would say laughing back at them? If I shouted back, that would mean I'm feeling threatened by them?

  2. holyheadjch

    holyheadjch Valued Member

    You think laughing at someone who is furious with you is an appropriate response? You must get punched in the face a lot.
  3. philosoraptor

    philosoraptor carnivore in a top hat Supporter

    Sock with half a brick in it, works 60% of the time, every time.
  4. Knee Rider

    Knee Rider Valued Member Supporter

    Too many variables to comment.

    I had someone with possible mental health issues get literally up in my face (face to face screaming about breaking my nose and/or me breaking his) on public transport once, on my way to work (no later than 11am) and I put my arm around them and laughed; it diffused the situation and entered me into a meandering abstract conversation for 10mins till they got off. Problem being firstly it was my natural response not a tactic (the fact it was genuine probably stood for something), they responsed well to sympathy as the rant/aggression wasn't directed at me primarily (just crazy venting) and who knows what other factors are at play.

    Best way is to use your social intelligence and your instinct. If you get it wrong you back yourself up physically and learn from it. If it works, chalk it up and again learn from it.
  5. Ero-Sennin

    Ero-Sennin Highly Skilled Peeper Supporter

    This has to be the simplest thing to figure out ever. When somebody gets in your face:


    Then there's no more yelling. From them.

    Is this a frequent occurrence in your life? I have to deal with people getting emotional at work sometimes and I usually listen to them for a bit then tell them to be quiet so I can talk. It always seems important to gauge how much you let them vent. If I were threatened it's a different story.

    I can't say I'm used to people getting in my face and yelling. I suppose it happened a lot in the military but that's an environment of epic posturing at all times if there was one, so I never took anything too seriously. So I guess overall my response would just be :dunno:
  6. David Harrison

    David Harrison MAPper without portfolio

    [ame=""]just walk away - YouTube[/ame]
  7. SWC Sifu Ben

    SWC Sifu Ben I am the law

    I've found that simply speaking back to them in an elevated voice works well. Let me be crystal clear, this is not yelling and you are not tinting your voice with anger or frustration, you are simply speaking loudly. If you let someone yell and you try and talk to them at a normal volume then they are just yelling at you and you don't get anywhere. If you speak back in a loud voice as well now you're just having a loud conversation and can employ communication strategies to lower the volume and/or resolve whatever situation you're in, but if you don't speak back loudly you're just getting shouted at.

    I do this often at work. I have to switch between different cultural communication modalities and some of the Middle Eastern guys are simply used to having a conversation at an increased volume. It's the same with anyone else, you have to speak on their level.
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2016
  8. TwirlinMerlin

    TwirlinMerlin Valued Member

    I recommend using the fake out high five followed by a knee to the balls followed by pointing and laughing. Just kidding. I recommend reading Verbal Judo. It was recommended to me by several members of this forum and by my current instructor. It's all about how to handle these kinds of situations.
  9. David Harrison

    David Harrison MAPper without portfolio

    I think this sums it up. There is no cookie cutter response.

    Firstly it depends on your own social strengths, as well as what the situation is. If it's in a professional capacity then your responses might be limited by the expectations of your job. Some people are good at shouting people down and out-barking them, others can bring a room to silence with a whisper, others are jovial and can get nutters to be their best friend in a matter of minutes.

    Secondly it depends on the person in your face. You have to use your experience, intuition and empathy in deciding how best to deal with them. That will also depend on the circumstances. It might be blanking them, it might be softly talking under them until they have to quiet down to hear what you're saying, it might be being assertive or whatever.

    One thing that is pretty much universal is that people don't like being laughed at, and that will almost always escalate a situation unless you are good friends with them.
  10. AndrewTheAndroid

    AndrewTheAndroid A hero for fun.

  11. Kwajman

    Kwajman Penguin in paradise....

    I simply smile back at them as if I'm amused while mentally thinking about what I'll do if they get physical. I'm a really big guy so size doesn't intimidate me much...
  12. Dan93

    Dan93 Valued Member

    Create distance and ensure your hands are not lower than theirs in a passive non aggressive manner i.e fence/thinking man posture and look to verbally defuse the situation but putting you in a stronger posture to pre-empt/react if needed.

    Laughing/Shouting at an aggressor will only make the situation worse.
  13. Smitfire

    Smitfire Cactus Schlong

    I can concur here. I've mentioned before that I once got into verbals with a scrote that tried to push in a queue at a supermarket.
    His overly aggressive response to politely (but forcefully) being told he'd pushed in was so out of proportion to the situation it genuinely caught me by surprise and made me laugh.
    He did not like that...but also I think it threw him off guard as all he did then was threaten some violence as he walked back to the queue.
    I did make sure I watched my back when walking back to my car just in case though.
  14. greg1075

    greg1075 Valued Member

    You teach people how to treat you. Do with that as you will.
  15. bigreddog

    bigreddog Valued Member

    Why respond at all?
  16. Simon

    Simon Administrator Admin Supporter MAP 2017 Koyo Award

    I had to call an engineer yesterday to tell him his job had changed.

    He flew off the handle, swore at me and continued his rant.

    I raised my voice and told him not to swear at me.

    He then completely flipped and said he was going to return to the yard and deal with it there.

    I'm sure you can guess what he meant by that.

    Any during today's chat he said when I raised my voice he felt that I'd spoken down to him and he felt controlled.

    Self defence, always learning.
  17. Hannibal

    Hannibal Cry HAVOC and let slip the Dogs of War!!! Supporter

    We all are Simon!

    Would you mind sharing that tale with the War Dogs? It's a good one and speaks to the lessons I teach on triggers and conversation cues
  18. Simon

    Simon Administrator Admin Supporter MAP 2017 Koyo Award

    Will do.

    I'll do it tomorrow after work.
  19. EdiSco

    EdiSco Likes his anonymity

    Simon and Hannibal, are you guys Dog brothers? As in the famous Kali/FMA martial artists that are even too extreme for UFC?!
  20. Hannibal

    Hannibal Cry HAVOC and let slip the Dogs of War!!! Supporter

    No, although I am friends with a lot of them

    "War Dogs" comes from HAVOC via Shakespeare...

    "Cry Havoc!! And let slip the Dogs of War!!"

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