At What Point Are You Using Someone?

Discussion in 'Off Topic Area' started by Socrastein, Jun 30, 2005.

  1. Socrastein

    Socrastein The Boxing Philosopher

    Pertaining to physical involvement between two people, what constitutes one being used by the other?

    I am of the premature and underdeveloped opinion that a relationship that plays out like the "Little Red Hen" story is not a relationship at all, but one person using the other sexually.

    For those who don't know the story, the little red hen decides one day to bake some bread. She's gathering up flour and yeast and all the ingredients. She asks the dog if he wants to help carry the flour, but he declines. Asks the duck if he wants to help knead the dough, but he declines. Basically, nobody wants to help make the bread. However, when the bread is finished and comes out of the oven hot and fresh, everybody is more than eager to eat it.

    Going on that same thought, of wanting to reap goods without putting anything into them, I think that if someone wants to get physically involved with another person, but refuses to get into a committed relationship with them, they are using that person. Keep in mind, this is NOT a question of whether it is right, or wrong, or natural to use someone for physical pleasure. I'm just trying to get at the act itself, and what constitutes it.

    If I want to get involved with someone, "no strings attached", take it to a physical level and yet not committ myself to that person, am I using them? It seems that in doing so I am reducing this person to a means to my selfish ends, pleasure, and not treating them as an end themselves. If anything were to be called usage, surely this would be it, no?

    Perhaps I could hear your thoughts on relationships, committment, usage, the intricacies of physical involvement without committing oneself to another, etc.?
  2. Sgt_Major

    Sgt_Major Ex Global Mod Supporter

    not touching this with a barge pole ..... but interested in some responses.
  3. JinkokMike

    JinkokMike New Member

    Me neither but so am I.

    FATSAN Valued Member

    I dont see there being a problem of getting involved with someone "no strings attatched" if you are both in it for the same thing. The problem begins if one person allows the other to develop a false sense of the terms of the relationship in order to continue getting what they want.

    At the end of the day aren't all relationships about getting something you want?

    If you didn't want or need something from a relationship you would not have entered it or continue to be in it.
  5. medi

    medi Sadly Passed Away - RIP

    If you're not being honest with someone about the fact you just want them for sex, yes, you are using them. But if the other person is up for having a fun, purely sexual relationship then there's nothing wrong with it.

    *phew* glad we got that sorted out early.
  6. CosmicFish

    CosmicFish Aleprechaunist

    Pretty much what Medi said. Nothing wrong with "using" so long as both sides know where they stand and they're both happy with it. I've been both the "user" and the "used" in the above scenario and it was all good fun on both sides coz we were honest with each other.
  7. jonmonk

    jonmonk New Member

    I think that my first thoughts on this are something along the lines of: if both people are gaining something then there's nothing wrong because it's mutually beneficial. I think that using someone implies that the benefit applies to one of them only... or perhaps is considerably more for one than the other.
  8. jroe52

    jroe52 Valued Member

    i like being used for sex:)
  9. Kwajman

    Kwajman Penguin in paradise....

    I think as long as both sides are upfront about it (unlike my last wife) then there is no problem with it. I personally don't go in for that type of relationship, but thats just me.
  10. Dr NinjaBellydance

    Dr NinjaBellydance What is your pleasure sir

    I'm with Medi and others on this one. A committed relationship is not always what everybody wants out of a physical one. If neither party wants that, I dont see the problem.

    On the flip side, what about people who use physical pleasure to get what they want ie a committed relationship? Just a thought.....
  11. Davey Bones

    Davey Bones New Member

    Since I'm single I have no one to offend...

    As long as everyone involved are consenting adults and just want a bit of fun, no one's being used. There's nothing to think about, IMO. I want that connection, someone else wants it, we hook up and go our merry way when we're done. What's the big deal?
  12. Cougar_v203

    Cougar_v203 4th surgery....Complete!


    I tell a person I'll give them 50 bucks if they get me whatever I ask for and when they give it to me and they say "wheres the money" I'll say "first, give me the item, then I'll show you the money" then when he gives it to me I'll give him 20 and knock him out :D
  13. medi

    medi Sadly Passed Away - RIP

    aaah... you mean 'girls'

  14. Dr NinjaBellydance

    Dr NinjaBellydance What is your pleasure sir

    LOL! I resemble that remark! I R a girl and am quite happy to use a man just for sex!
    Note to self: too much information..... :eek:
  15. Davey Bones

    Davey Bones New Member

    Would the Goddess perhaps like her humble servant to edit that post? :Angel:
  16. Pacificshore

    Pacificshore Hit n RUN!

    Note to self....must remember to meet up with more women from across the pond in my lifetime....j/k ;) :p :D
  17. Sandus

    Sandus Moved Himself On

    I think the key is really honesty of purpose. As long as people know what it is they're doing and neither has any misconceptions about it, then it's not really "using" (at least in the sense you use the word).

    Adult relationships can often be based solely on sex, but the people involved understand that in advance. What you're referring to seems more apt to occur when communication is closed and people have different intentions.

    And one last item: Nobody "uses" anyone. There's always a second person (or third :eek: ) involved and that person has the ability to make conscious choices.
  18. Moosey

    Moosey invariably, a moose Supporter

    The point where you're 'using' a partner is when you're sitting closer to the TV than her (or him/it/them) but make her get up and change the channel.
  19. seiki juku kid

    seiki juku kid New Member




    :Alien: ​
  20. Hiroji

    Hiroji laugh often, love much

    What your saying is, is it ok to use someone for a sex buddie and nothing else. Well if its ok with the other person then fine, But if you know this other person has feelings for you beyond sex, dont do it.

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