Approaching drunk people?

Discussion in 'Self Defence' started by LemonSloth, Mar 10, 2015.

  1. LemonSloth

    LemonSloth Laugh and grow fat!

    So last night I was out in town grabbing takeaway for the family when I ended up coming across a drunk guy. Not intentionally, he was in the way of the path I was walking into town and I had no idea he was there until I was practically on top of him (he was round a corner and I didn't hear him, my fault for having earphones in).

    He'd been drinking enough that he couldn't even stand still without staggering or falling over and had just vomited on the floor. I thought for a brief moment that I got a whiff of cannabis around him but it was only brief and could equally have been another passer by.

    I did actually consider just walking past like everyone else but it worried me that if someone didn't help him, he was going to get into more trouble later on (hit by a car, falling and banging his head, etc). So I ended up stopping and asking if he was all right or needed any help.

    For the first...15 minutes? He kept ranting about how violent he could be, what a temper he had, how it was building up inside him and his posture kept switching between being calm and incredibly hostile. He kept staggering towards me when he did as well which put me a little on edge. I kept trying to make sure I was a few feet away from him and that I was at least pulling some monstrous mutilation of a fence in case things did get a bit more hostile (my only experience of this is from one of JWT's books so I can't say if I pulled it off well or not but at least the basic idea was there). I did notice his hands kept slipping into his pockets and out again which did make me worry he might have had a knife on him, but if he did then it never appeared.

    I did find though that just asking him things like if he'd like to sit down, does he need a drink of water, offering him my coat to keep him warm, etc, did seem to placate him a lot and that after that, he calmed down a lot and started just talking about what had been happening to him (it was rough).

    He started asking me what I should do about his life situation (eek!) so I offered a couple of suggestions which he responded to. I did notice I had to keep asking him "does that sound like a good idea or...?" at the end of each suggestion as he seemed to respond better when asked for his opinion. He even ended up telling me that I had been the nicest person to him in years, bless him.

    About half an hour later when he had sobered up enough to walk in a straight line(ish) I escorted him across a couple of busier roads, excused myself (told him I had to get back to my family but that I wanted to make sure he was going to be OK before I left) and left after he decided he was just going to head home.

    I know it probably doesn't seem like much but for the first 15 minutes he had me on edge as I was trying to judge if he was likely to attack me or not.

    So, I have to ask...what signs should I have looked for? Should I have stopped to talk to him at all? Was there anything I should have done to keep myself safe(r)? Was I right to offer him my coat (which he did respond to well admittedly, but was it a sensible thing to do in the first place)? If he had attacked me, did I have a duty of after-care to him if I had hit him (as in calling an ambulance, keeping him warm, etc)?
     
  2. Pretty In Pink

    Pretty In Pink Moved on MAP 2017 Gold Award

    Sometimes it's good to go against the grain and help someone. I wouldn't worry too much about bein attacked, if he did aim for you, he was quite drunk and probably would have missed anyway. The knife thing is a bit worrying though.
     
  3. aaradia

    aaradia Choy Li Fut and Yang Tai Chi Chuan Student Moderator Supporter

    Continuing to be around someone after they start talking about how violent they can be IMO is not a good idea.

    The moment they start talking about violence, they waive the right to any goodwill. You ask for what signs to look for- well that would be the main one in your story.

    Sorry, sloth, you seem like a really nice guy, but in this case - too nice. At the first talk of how violent he could be, you should have gotten away from him.
     
    Last edited: Mar 10, 2015
  4. LemonSloth

    LemonSloth Laugh and grow fat!

    I did think that at the time actually and did start to look for ways to back off without drawing attention to myself. But at the same time I did worry about him (maybe I shouldn't have?) so I ended up staying.

    It was probably pretty stupid of me thinking about it now.
     
  5. Johnno

    Johnno Valued Member

    The safest thing to do would have been to walk straight past him, but you stopped to see how he was out of concern for another person, which shows a lot of decency on your part.

    I agree with aaradia that when he started talking about how violent he can be, that was your cue to leave. If you still had concerns for his safety then calling the police (once you had left the scene) might have been the best bet.
     
  6. LemonSloth

    LemonSloth Laugh and grow fat!

    I really need to get me a mobile phone, don't I?
     
  7. aaradia

    aaradia Choy Li Fut and Yang Tai Chi Chuan Student Moderator Supporter

    Lol! You mean I am not the only person left who doesn't have one?
     
  8. Kurtka Jerker

    Kurtka Jerker Valued Member

    As to your question, I'd just say watch the hands and manage your distance. No need to be uptight and act defensive. Drunks can still pick up on it and they like to take things personal.

    I'd like to make an observation about the whole scenario; how do you think he ended up where you found him, and do you think he's likely to be in the same sort of situation next week? Does taking the risks or making some sacrifice stand a decent chance of improving his situation, or will he most likely take whatever you offer him and then go right back to what he was doing to end up there?

    This case may be totally different but often when you come across someone who is at what a normal person would consider rock bottom, some set of attitudes and behaviors led the person there. Taking advantage of people is often a life skill for someone who goes through life that way. Just be aware of what you may be exposing yourself to and think about how your assistance is going to actually impact him/her. Money given to an addict won't do a thing to help him. Food handed to a person who had money but spent it on liquor and can't get into the food line drunk won't do a thing to solve his real problem. Spending some quality time being nice to a guy who chose to get so drunk he wont even remember you tomorrow doesn't do him much good either.

    Honestly, if you were that concerned, call the police. He'll spend some time safe in a cell. If he's a reasonable person, it may be a wakeup call. If he's not, you may have protected someone from being assaulted by him. (Or having to live with running him over, passed out on some dark road)
     
  9. LemonSloth

    LemonSloth Laugh and grow fat!

    Honestly, I don't know. He actually disclosed to me about a history of domestic abuse of him being a victim at the hands of his mother (read: she has previously broken his arms before while assaulting him kinda serious) but told me that last night it was because he had an argument with her and had stormed out. It wasn't clear if it was still happening or certainly in any time frame that would make it relevant to report to the police.

    My general advice was for him to exercise out his aggression (rather than hitting the booze for example) and to look to move out and get his own place for a few months, take some time to think about what he wants from his life. Apparently he was living in her house so that he could look after her as she's getting older and more frail but is still subject to a lot of verbal abuse on a consistent basis. He was adamant he didn't want anyone else getting involved though.

    I don't know. I hope he finds himself in a better position soon, but I can't honestly say if he'll be sober enough to even remember this morning.

    I did wonder if calling the police might have been sensible or not.
     
  10. Johnno

    Johnno Valued Member

    I remember you saying that where you live isn't a very big place. Is it quite likely that you'll bump into him again?
     
  11. aaradia

    aaradia Choy Li Fut and Yang Tai Chi Chuan Student Moderator Supporter

    I have to say that "liking" this post isn't enough. I have to take a minute to say this was a particularly excellent post! Well done indeed!
     
  12. Mushroom

    Mushroom De-powered to come back better than before.

    I'm in the same thought as Aaradia. Its great that you went out your way to help another human...but yeah. On the other side though, if he was that drunk and swung at you, he probably would've assisted himself to the floor anyway.

    I would've walked away, as you said. You didn't know him from Adam, so what happened if he was actually a violent person and he sobered up?
    In my lengthy experience dealing with drunk people, many/most don't care if you helped them and reasoning is nearly non existent, most medical staff would probably say the same thing.
     
  13. FunnyBadger

    FunnyBadger I love food :)

    From my experience of security and door work I would give you the same advise as I was given then, if in doubt call the police. It says a lot about you that you were willing to put your self at risk in order to help the fella and I can't applaud that mentality enough but at the end of the day you need to look after your self aswell. The police would be in a better position to help this guy find support and help with a violent home and help with any substance issues he may have, ok it's not the best avenue for him to go down to receive that help but probably a better route than a drunken chat with a sloth.

    Also this might just be my stomach speaking but if I was your family id be a bit ****ed off my dinner was late lol.
     
  14. Mitch

    Mitch Lord Mitch of MAP Admin

    I knew I shouldn't have had that last whisky.
     
  15. Smitfire

    Smitfire Cactus Schlong

    You're a better man than I Slothy. I avoid drunk people like the plague.
    Not because I'm worried about being attacked but because I cannot stand talking to drunk people when I'm sober. :)
     
  16. LemonSloth

    LemonSloth Laugh and grow fat!

    Aye, it's a fair point.

    :D

    Yeah, everyone was a bit annoyed with me at first :p

    I don't know actually. Apparently he's been living round here for most his life and I've only been here a few years but I don't remember seeing him before :dunno:. Unless I have seen him and just didn't notice or remember?

    Lol, neither do I normally. I still don't know what made me stop in the first place.
     
  17. Alansmurf

    Alansmurf Aspire to Inspire before you Expire Supporter

    You did well..

    Professionally it was a call to the police that was required.

    Stay switched on watch your distance and if not comfortable make for the hills
     
  18. Johnno

    Johnno Valued Member

    You're going to HATE tomorrow evening then. :evil:
     
  19. Smitfire

    Smitfire Cactus Schlong

    Heh. I'm sure I can manage you two. :)
     
  20. narcsarge

    narcsarge Masticated Whey

    My 2 cents worth as a L.E.O. and as a normal, caring citizen. Sounds like you were aware of all the situational things during your encounter; area, surroundings, body language, verbal clues, and hands. As a fellow human I've no issue that you approached to help a sick person who may stumble into traffic or fall over onto/into something dangerous. You kept your eyes and ears open and thought about "what if's". Alot of folks on the streets here have mental issues as well as addiction issues. Just listening is a blessing to alot of folks. You can take this advice or leave it Slothy.... I like to keep a card or list of local shelters and organizations to help the homeless. Calling the cops may be a waste of time. Unless the person is causing a problem, a danger to their self, or a danger to others most police can't or won't do much. Our jails and prisons here have become a replacement for mental hospitals and addiction centers.

    Feel good that you helped someone out. The fact the bloke complimented you and thanked you is great. Whether he meant it or will remember isn't important. Take it and feel good about yourself.
     

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