i don't feel ready for my blackbelt?

You definitely deserve it otherwise your instructor wouldn't have put you in for it.

I felt the same when I was promoted, our black belt tests are pretty grueling though so after having passed it I definitely felt like I earned it, but in reality you know the same amount the day after as you did the day you passed. With time and continued training you become a black belt and pick up additional degrees along With the knowledge and skill that comes along with that.

 

I think it helps to remember that black belt is not the pinnacle... It's just the start of a lifelong lifestyle in martial arts. Sure it's a great milestone, and it feels GREAT when your instructor ties that black fabric around your waist, but the next day, it's back to the mats to learn something new.

In our dojo, they won't let you even test for black belt unless they are confident that you'll pass. I've seen them have 'a quiet word' with those who are eligible but performing inconsistently, recommending they wait another 6 months for the next testing period.

 

I personally think that this is good practice, as it helps maintain a high standard, whilst at the same to nurturing a continued involvement/training from the students in question. (Also something that we currently do)

Travess

 

I never thought that would be unusual, that you don't get the okay to be tested, unless your instructor thinks so.
After all, it falls back to him and his name, if a student goes to a grading, and than totally screws it up.

In "my" clubs that goes for every grading, by the way.

But I also know from one of my teachers, that he told his student several times, that when he tries the grading, he wouldn't pass.
He told him weeks before, days before the day before.
the student wanted to get graded anyway - and was utterly shocked and annoyed (to put it mildly) that he totally failed.
He was only allowed to do it anyway, because he kept nagging and it was an internal grading - that way, there wasn't a risk for the teachers name, and the student would get a wake-up-call.

 

When my instructor feels that a student is ready to test for Shodan, he will give exactly two weeks notice. The test consists of the candidate leading a class of basics, followed by a 10-man full-contact Kumite.

I have not yet obtained my Shodan, but I have been one of ten opponents as part of a promotion test. It seemed gruelling. There was an adrenaline dump afterwards, and the guy threw up after the test.

I've heard of two schools of thought with regards to the 10-man:
A. Make him work, but the testing is a formality. Don't kill him.
B. Your job is to protect the belt. Beat him, and stop him from successfully completing the test.

My instructor subscribes to the former, and one of his mentors subscribes to the later. His mentor is also an old-school Grandmaster from Okinawa.

Anyway, as it was explained to me; doubting that you deserve the belt is considered poor etiquette as it's second-guessing your instructor's judgement.

 

And that doesn't only count for black belts, but for every belt.
I learned that the hard way, as I was really, really unsatisfied with my first yellow belt

 

I know what you mean. I've felt the same way with all of my belts.

Especially while visiting a Dojo in Japan.

 

Never even been in Japan, let alone had a grading over there, but yeah, I'm usually still unsatisfied with my gradings as well.

I actually did like my Ajukate yellow belt grading though! That went well, and I only had 90 minutes to prepare for it, as I attended it on short notice after a seminar
The next best thing was my last kickboxing grading: I'm not too happy with it, but it did went better than I expected.

But for all my gradings goes: I would have never been allowed to do them, if my coaches and teachers wouldn't have been sure, that I would pass!
No way, they would have given their okay otherwise.


In all honesty, I even think it's a crap move, to allow or even encourage someone to try it, if you're not sure they would make it.

 

I didn't actually test in Japan; I just wore my belt there.

I offered to wear my white belt, but it was insisted that I wear my brown.

Being fairly rusty from months of being away from my dojo, I did not feel worthy of my rank.

 

Just relax and trust yourself and your instructors. You've worked hard to develop this skill set and like you said the strictest instructor has put you up for the testing. You'll pass this test and with time will come the confidence in your new rank.

 

All the signs and peers suggest that you are ready.

It's expected to feel anxious about making action on a big event that you have looked up to achieving.

Everyone gets anxious about big events, is natural accept that you will feel anxious and get stuck it.

 

If you fail then you just do it again and you end up with more time and effort put into that part of the syllabus. Pass/fail... it's win-win!

 

Hey,sis-ya stuck around this long you're far from unworthy!

As to your overall state o' mind-

When not training try to occupy your mind with other things so as not to dwell. Play high stakes poker,watch old Marx Bros. films,buy a puppy.Whatever you can indulge in.

Red Skelton was one of the greatest comedians in the history of the US.This man was on an airliner experiencing very serious problems and launched into spontaneous routines which kept the passengers so howling with laughter there was no panic. When Skelton was actually working he was so worked up and nervous he practically had hysterics before walking on stage.But when he got out there he was fine.

So I'd like you to remember that in a truly serious situation you're someone who will most likely act in the moment-because you don't have time to think about it.Like Red didn't.

Try and stay off the court when you're not on it. When you get out there you'll be OK.

All the Best,

Doc

 

I think the dark night of the soul is part of it. Not just the apprehension, but realising that some things just aren't up to snuff. It keeps ego in check and focuses you on work.