How to deal with feeling attracted to your training partners

Hi first time poster here.

I have been doing martial arts for a couple of years now but it's only recently that I have started feeling attracted to a couple of guys at the gym. This has only happened after we've gotten to know each other outside the gym at drinks or working out and talked on a closer level. I have tried to hide it because I don't think it's appropriate to date your training partners, much like your coworkers. I think it can cause drama and heart ache and people would gossip. It's already difficult enough being female at a martial arts gym.

Anyway, I don't want to feel attracted to my gym friends and I know it's probably normal and it's only happened twice now but it's causing me a lot of emotional pain.

What can I do to make these feelings go away? I can't avoid them because they are always there. If I stop talking to them they wouldn't understand. Or should I just pretend nothing has changed?

Thanks

 

Because there is a 10 year age gap between us for one, two I don't want to start rumours and it just doesn't happen in our club, people don't get together in the gym and it would be uncomfortable if they did.

I should add I feel if it went badly I would be run out of the gym. I'm at a very competitive club where people train to compete internationally

 

Maybe your right but I just want to go to the gym to train and not deal with this. I don't know what to do.

 

Follow your heart

Life is too short

Best of luck

 

Alternatively, if you have attraction to a few people at your gym it might be worth evaluating exactly what these feelings entail. If they are superficial crushes and you anticipate a messy fallout or a lot of drama around following them up then maybe it's best to look elsewhere.

Nobody can speak to the nature of your feelings other than you.

I will say that in the modern era it is increasingly easy to meet people well outside of your social circle using dating apps etc and you really can cast the widest possible net. Perhaps that is something to consider too.

Edit - how old are you by the way? I feel it's only responsible to ask. If you are 14 and they are in their mid 20s that might change the advice.

 

Feelings are just the brains rough way to prioritise your actions, unfortunately the brain didn't evolve for today's environment (MySpace, friend book, and pogs etc) and so feelings arnt always worth acting on as they don't always lead to the best outcomes.

Just because you have feelings, it doesn't mean you have to act on them, keep them in the friend zone, think about it rationally, and if you still feel that way in a few months, and it's appropriate, maybe do something about it then.

 

Provided neither of you is an instructor then I don't see it's a problem, and not dating coworkers seems to be a very American thing, in the UK it's quite a normal way to meet.

 

I'd avoid it personally. I had alot of trouble come my way when I got with my partner because the instructor (who was married) wanted to hook up with her. It all worked out in the end but I ended up out of a club because of it because all his lies caused alot of drama.

 

Ewwwww, that's low.

 

But then you were probably better off out of that club

 

What if they are an instructor sometimes too?

 

I actually don't even see a problem, if one of them were an instructor (always given, what Knee Rider pointed at - that it's legal age and such).

In one of my clubs there was a couple training, and I only knew they were a couple after months, because they were treating each other like everyone else.

One of my teachers met his wife during training, when he was instructor. They are now married for 25 years (this year, I think; might have been they year before though).

It's not that couples will go wild on that mats or start making out or whatever; or to put it differently: In case they were, it would obviously be a problem.
But as long as they train normally I don't see a problem.

Otherwise people shouldn't relationships at all: In case of separation everywhere might suddenly be a problem: Friends might feel the need to decide for a side; supermarkets don't get used anymore, because the other could be there; other hobby places might get conflicted; ...


At topic: No one will be able to tell you, what to do, as it's your feelings and your personal situation.
In the end you will be the one to decide what to do.

 

More the issue of imbalanced power relationship. MANY instructors treat their schools as their personal harem and use it to exploit their students who would likely not look at them twice in another setting. Just the same as lecturers are discouraged from having relationships with their students.

 

I've seen what goes on in other clubs (passing around of girls) and I've always liked how there is no dating within our club. I think I will just take things as they come, if something happens, it happens, but we can keep it to ourselves.

Our instructors are professional, I would be quite disgusted if there was anything like a "personal harem".

Even my friend, we do not talk in a friendly way on the mat, even if he instructs or not, because he takes his role as a senior student seriously I imagine.