Memories

by Jack Irving

The street is busy with people bustling to and fro, cars, buses and voices mingle into one inaudible screaming hostile sound, a sound he is all to familiar with, a sound from the past, a past in which he is lost. He shuffles along muttering and cursing getting a wide berth from all who cross his path, just another crazy old man in a world of many.
The car screeches to a halt, the drivers shock quickly turns to anger.

"You crazy old fool, trying to get yourself killed? Get the hell of the road."

The words just flow over him into another time......

"Get out of there....move...."
"Knock 'is 'ead off....."
"Kill 'im......"

The noise is deafening, the crowd is cheering and shouting. CRACK! His nose breaks, he parries the next punch and counters with a cross to the jaw, it connects. He moves in , keeping his opponent under pressure, jabbing, crossing and hooking.

"Stop! You'll kill him.....please."

The mans face is a bloody mess, his wife stands in the corner, wrapped in a sheet, she is crying pleading with him to stop. He looks at her, he wants to cry, he wants to shout there is so much rage he doesn't know how to contain it. He lets the man fall to the floor and walks towards his wife his fists clench and unclench, so much rage....

"Why? Why? WHY?"

So much rage, no place to go, no where to turn. His fist draws back and he fires a punch.
His opponents head rocks back. There's no fines in this fight, the blood flows from broken noses, burst lips and knuckles....so much rage. His fatigue is starting to slow him down, he swings again, it's blocked, he's hit, he tries to adjust himself but he's hit again, he moves back blocking and parrying blows trying to cover up as best he can. The crowd roar. He feels a rib break and an elbow crashes into his jaw, he's stunned his vision blurred, all he can think of now is the rage it is all that keeps him going. He feels hands on him pulling him forward.

"Get the hell of the road, you bum."

The driver of the car pulls him over to the edge of the road and throws him roughly on the pavement. He sits there dazed whilst the driver, still hurling obscenities at him, climbs into his car and drives away. Slowly he climbs to his feet, dazed and confused. A young couple pass him by, smiling and content. He watches them walk down the street, he smiles it is a smile full of sadness and lost years. He leans back against a wall he is tired and his chest hurts, it's hard to breath, he closes his eyes.
When he opens them he has to blink a few times to clear his vision, the sky comes into focus, it is a clear blue and he can feel the grass under him, his wife is in his arms. She smiles up at him, it is a smile full of beauty and love. He returns her smile and strokes her hair.

"I love you"

Slowly he stands up, he is in a church, his wife standing beside him dressed in white, lifting her veil he kisses her, a kiss full of passion and promises, promises of everlasting love and happiness.
He pulls back from her, the hotel room is large and richly decorated. She falls onto the bed laughing, so full of life.

He climbs on beside her, kisses her then turns over onto his back, a young child, his child sits on his stomach looking at him, the room is small and lit by a single bare bulb, he ruffles his daughter's hair tenderly, she smiles, he picks her up and places her gently on the floor.

He closes his eyes, he can hear people cheering in the distance getting closer until the noise is deafening. Slowly he struggles to his feet, his body aches, the crowd roar. Almost at once he is under attack again, he tries to fight back to defend himself but his mind is lost in memories, memories within memories, he flings out a punch, it connects knocking his opponent's head back, no not his opponent's his wife's, no his opponent's, his wife, his opponent, he can't focus, can't clear the memories, so much rage. He gets hit again and again, he's losing it.

His wife is pulling their daughter towards the door she has a suitcase in her hand and a bruise on her face.

He feels his jaw break, he swallows some teeth.

He is looking into the eyes of a little girl turning to look at her father for the last time, a tear rolls down her cheek, he wants to reach out to hold her one last time to say something, anything but he doesn't he sits there and he looks into her eyes then the the moment is gone and the door closes. He looks at the door for a long time.....

"I'm sorry"

There is no more rage he has nothing left, just the memories and an empty heart. His legs give out and he falls. He falls with the memories of a fallen tear etched into his heart and in a quiet street an old man draws his last breath.

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