Please note that this is NOT a discussion about any problems you have with your testicules or an testicular abomination of any sort... ...no this is problem is more of a severe nature, it's driving me nuts. I've been working out in this gym for the past couple of months. On Thanksgiving week I became ill so I broke my routine. This week, it's only has been two days, a slew of older men decided to join, to workout the holiday weight I would guess. After working out, I head into the locker room to dress. I don't shower at the gym because my house is close enough for me not to. I also have a problem with being naked in public, because I feel uncomfortable as well as more venerable to an attack. Think I'm paranoid? Gym violence has escaladed in the past years with the unfortunate incident of a shooting not too long ago. Well the problem is that when I dress, some older men find it convenient to strike conversations at that exact moment. They would walk up to me, place one foot on the bench, lend forward and discuss some of the dumbest **** I've ever heard. To make it worse, their balls are literally only a few inches from my face, and are falling all over the place. I would like to know a response to a situation like this. The social norms prevent me from saying: "Get your balls and GTFO of my face?!" So I have to resort to being tactiful. I still have a few weeks left. I don't want to stop going because I paid for this. I usually workout to the point where I am sweating excessively, so I have to dress so I don't become sick. This problem has occured at such at rate that it's busting my balls.
Compliment them on their balls. Just come out with it "Hey nice balls". Most will go away. For the one's that don't just say you were admiring their balls from a purely asthetic pont of view. Alternatively you could ignore my advice. To be honest I very rarely listen to me.
I knew this had to be the west coast. When I lived out there, I used props/blockades to defend my personal space. An example for your situation, I'd spread my stuff out over the bench. Put down two beach towels on the bench and your gym bag in middle of the aisle behind you. That should do it. If you want to fix it permanently, leave the west.
Grab your deoderant can and spray. Not only will it shrink your "problem", it will most likely prevent a reoccurance. Or you can just get over it. Most men have balls - I expect you've got them. Just have a conversation with the guys, maybe get your balls out too. Are you sure this wasn't just an excuse to talk about testicles on an internet forum?
During your conversation suddenly point and exclaim "You seem to have a lump on the right side, you should probably get that checked out, very soon.
Second the deep heat. This is the best thread I've ever read. I'm sorry this is happening to you but at the same time it's hilarious. Anyway, for the solution - uppercut. Or you could listen to what they have to say, then shout in their face 'WHAT A LOAD OF OLD "insert possibly derogatory word meaning testicles which I would never EVER say on a family friendly site, because I'm a very very good boy"!'
Point and say "Ha ha! you're deformed!" They will at least look. Many men have this fear on some level.
Take a hotdog bun in with you on every visit, and when it happens get the bun out and start licking your lips.
Or even better, bring a hot dog roll and some mustard with you. Squeeze the mustard on to the offending unit. By this point you'll be chasing them around with the hot dog bun
