Advice? ... Where goes the buddhahood in this?

Very often it is true for me. Recently at least. The truth of saying; being worse than a fool. I think so of myself from time to time. Because i do not do all i actually could do. I have the potential to do more.

But. What i do. My mind does not want to cooperate with me on it if i chose to do it.
I like swing forth and back between the toughts/habits:
1. Practising for the insight of meaninglessness or emptiness
2. When avhieved ... It is meaningless. What am doing?

That meaninglessness that the practise provides prevents me from keeping up the practise itself.

When there is no meaning. What is the point of the practise?

But should i then fear that suffering? And have that as a motivation to my actions?
(Where goes the buddhahood in all this?)


I have asked this in other words before also. Where i used the terms 'patience' and 'spiritual progress'.

We are in other words talking about my motivation to do things.
The question is: How do i quit swinging ...about this. And actually start doing something?
Thank you