The idea is that I start off a story, and you all contribute a section. This should be humorous while remaining Martial art related. I'd like everyone to contribute at least once, I'd suggest an upper limit of around 200 words * A tip- Your contribution should finish with an opening for the story to continue. This may be difficult, but should not be impossible! Here we go....... Once upon a time, there was a little boy named Burple. He always ate his greens, and was always respectful to his elders! One day, when Burple was walking through the forest, he came upon two men. They were dressed in white, and were flailing at each other with big sticks. " Now that looks like fun" said Burple! Off he ran to old Mrs Mugster, the village Seamstress, and told her of his desire for a white suit....................................
Mrs Mugster measured Burple and threw together a white suit fit for a king and Burple strode back out into the forest. He came back to the clearing and saw the two men sitting on the floor on their knees. He saw them bow and heard them "Osu". It sounded and looked very odd. He waited until they stood up again and approached them. "Hello there! Er...do you mind if I ask what you were doing?" said Burple. One of the men moved forward and bowed at him (??) he then begin to speak... "We were honouring our master and the way of martial arts Grasshopper!", the man bowed again! "Would you like to join us?". Burple shuffled from foot to foot and cautiously mumbled yes. He knew he'd feel a bit of a wally bowing so much but the hitting each other with sticks did look like fun! He strode over to the clearing and bowed and waited for his very first lesson in martial arts........... Melanie
part 3 Burple trained hard all that day, and by 4o'clock that very afternoon was exhausted. "master.." he exclaimed ".....i've been training now for almost one whole day..is there any chance of getting a belt?" he asked nervously. "ahh young disciple....a belt has to be earned wiff a gweat show of wespect and hability to your art. It cannot just be given out!" Burple looked sad.....then piped up...." is there anything else you can give me to stop my trousers falling down then?" "come back tomorrow young disciple and we shall see.....remember ...a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" with his new found abilities Burple wandered home through the forest ...little did he know what was going to happen next........
............Burple had not quite realised how much time had passed while he was clacking sticks with his new friends.! It was one of the shortest days of winter, and the sun was on tiptoes to peer over the horizon. It started to get very cold, and Burples normally tanned skin turned the same colour as his new suit before continuing on to pale blue. In his excitement he had left his shoes in the clearing where he had met the two men, and was now regretting his forgetfulness. He tried to hurry, thinking that he would get warmer if he tried to trot home, but in the increasing gloom, lost his way, and became very, very frightened! Adding to his misery, every sound seemed to threaten him. Burple was stumbling along, towards a dark shape in the gloom that he hoped was a cave. All he could think of was shelter, when he heard a twig snap behind him, as if at the tread of a heavy foot.................................... Andy
Burple turned around in a flash and saw a tall muscular figure towering over him. He tried to run away, but the figure put a hand on his shoulder and spun him around. Stood behind Burple, with his hand on his shoulder, was none other than Bruce Lee! Burple was astounded! "Bruce Lee!" Burple exclaimed "I thought you were dead? What on earth are you doing all the way out here in these woods?" "I've come to look for you Burple" said Bruce solemnly "I have a very important mission for you to help me with. " "Oh, whats that?" said a confused looking Burple "I cannot tell you here" said Bruce "Follow me" "Err... I can't, I've left my shoes in the woods" Burple replied "You won't be needing them.Real martial artists don't wear shoes... I haven't worn a pair since Gichin Funakoshi gave mine to Oxfam. Now, hurry, we don't have much time." And with that, Bruce backflipped off into the woods with Burple in pursuit.....
................just when he was beginning to think he was lost again, Burple was brought up short. Nearly running into Bruce Lee, who was staring down into a little village below the edge of the small bluff they stood on. " I am to be your guide" said Bruce. " I am the ghost of MA past, what was, and what may be again" " Oi dushnt undershtand M m m m Mashter" chattered Burple, still cold! " You are to have three visitors this very night Burple, of which I am the first" Bruce said ominously. " Come..................." Bruce Lee took Burple down a narrow winding track which culminated in a derelict cemetery on the outskirts of the village. "Look" he said, brushing leaves from a headstone. Burple took a while to make out the words on the stone in the gloom, but eventually spelled out; ' In memory of a once fluid man, made solid by the classical mess ' " Wot dush thish meansh " he asked Bruce Lee as he turned. But There was no one there.........................
And suddenly Jean Claude Van Damme , executing perfect back and sommersault kicks, appeared out of the mist... 'Hello Burple' he said in his strange and exotic accent 'I am the ghost of Martial Arts present, and I have an errand that only you can complete...' 'Anything Master Van Damme' Burple said, eager to prove his worth 'Well' JCVD said, 'what I need you to do is....
....gather your goods and be prepared to leave at the break of dawn". Burple um'ed and ah'd, not sure how his great grandmother Mary Ann Janet Constance Thistleprid would react. But always being the runt of the family, he decided to throw off the yoke of oppression and forge a new future for himself...starting with JCVD. Eager and excited at the prospect of mysterious journeys and discoveries, Burple gathered his goods and met JCVD secretly in a sheltered alcove the very next night. "Burple," said JC "This mission I have for you is incredibly important, it has been revealed to me that you are the ONE" Burple gasped! "Failure on your half would spell doom for on and for all!!! We need you to....." But before he could finish, with a great waxing on and off, the Karate Kid exploded onto the scene brandishing a.....
'A big spoon. "You foolish person" said Burple."Why the hell would you want to attack me with a spoon?" "Because it would hurt more!" Yelled the karate kid. He lunged at him, shouting 'KIAI' a lot...
It wouldn't take much to fend of karate kid, burple ducked dodged and weaves from the spoon, then kicks him in the nuts. KK stops KIAI'ing and calms down. "Sorry, I was just testing to make sure, Mr. Meagi (spell?) always told me to." "Right.." Burple replied. "Well, as JCVD was saying, we need you to find out where Mr. Meagi is hiding... he has the secret scroll of................."
how to make chocolate buttons " So Burple and the karate kid went off in search of Mr Meagi hoping to get some choclate buttons. So the walked many a mile through the rain and came upon an old cave with a sweet smell and some rambling coming from inside. next thing he knows a flying black spec catches his eye next thing he knows Jet Li is standing next to him Burple turns to him in shock and says "we are looking for Mr Meagi so we can find out the secret scoll of the choclate buttons can you help us?". next Jet turns to Burple and says......
"No." he said. "I cannot help you. Only you can achieve this quest. However, I can direct you to somebody who has no such scruples, if you should so desire". Burple looked excited. Almost jumping up and down, he said "yes please! yes please!" Jet li, having difficuilty stopping himself from smirking, led Burple on a dark path through the forest. The path climbed up into the mountains, where thorns scratched Burple's ankles and the rain soaked through his nice white shuit. The Attendant Algae began to make it green." At the end of this path, Burple lay down panting. He lay exposed and exhausted on the mountain. In his delirious dreams, the ghost of Mas Oyama came to him, grinning broadly '
"You have been told that you are the one," said Mas Oyama. "But now you must prove it. You have three quests to complete in order to prove your worthiness. The first quest you already know, the quest for the chocolate buttons. After this, you will have two more. If you complete these sucessfully, it will become known that you are the one. And you never know, there might even be a fair maiden thrown in . . . . ."
"the second quest you must accomplish, is to master the secret art of Fart-fu....it will be tough, for Fart-Fu requires a great deal of uhhhh, internal gaseous mastery, but once you have mastered this great art of Fart-fu you will be able to go on journeying to attain the third and final test...."
...to be able to beat those who chose to fight Yoda within three hours without rest, food nor water." Burple was puzzled and looked for the survey about "who among the mods you'd like to fight". Realizing the challenge he was in, he swallowed hard and meditated. He saw a lot of stuff in his meditation, not sure what it meant. There was a...
...sudden vision he had while we was meditating, it all became so clear at what he had to do to complete the tasks set before him, he had to be able to somehow find one of the famously powerful boots labelled "For use in MAP chat by qualified Chat Moderators/Admins only". He remembered some of the stories told of such boots and the power they containted to perform such powerful kicks that kept unrul members and the barbarian trolls at bay. He smiled to himself realising this could truly help him... "But where to find such precious boots?" he thought to himself... All of a sudden the idea came to him ... "Ahh yes, I have it!" He knew what he had to do, he had to find the one from MAP known as Kgirl. He knew he had to somehow 'persuede' her to allow him to use the boots in order for him to stand any chance in the herculean tasks before him. Remembereing that she has a sweet tooth and liking of chocolate, he packed a massive quantity of Cadbury's Milk Tray in his rucsac and headed on the long and treacherous path to Wales to find her....
.....suddenly he felt a sharp blow (to pressure point gb20 he found out later) and the black cloud of unconsciousness embraced him. Burple woke with hazy memories of strange impressive men with bad accents. "Your awake!" a soft voice lisped. "Where am I?" Burple asked, trying to make out the figure outlined against the glowing hearth behind. "Not where, my friend, but when!" "I don't understand" Burple rubbed his neck where he had been struck. "We almost lost you there, my name is Tyson, but you may call me Mike, You were taken away by false prophets and ghosts of misunderstanding. Too often fighters of greatness are lost from the path of reality by following the paths of those with the charisma to lead them astray. My way is not pretty, it will not be easy, but it is the true way" Standing up Mike Tyson blocked out the light of the dying embers. "I AM THE GHOST OF MA FUTURE, would you like some Ear Soup................?"
