How do you get rid of a bully?

Today ended my first week at college. The problem is that it wasn't as fun as I expected. Monday when I met my collegues I met this guy who proved to be a real bully (I hope I spelled it correct), you know the type: he is a trouble maker, always has something to say and he picks up on guys who are younger and defenceless than him and tries to humilliate them. And of course being shorter than him and rather thin for my age he started harrising and mocking me. Ignoring him won't do. If it was for a 1 on 1 fight I'm sure I good take him out but I'm not sure if this is the best thing to do. First there are the legal aspects: what if I get expelled? and then the other things: what if he has friends and then waits for me after a class and teaches me a lesson about not to mess up with him. I haven't made any real friends which I can rely on and he seems to be quite popular.
What should I do to make him stop? He starts to affect my public image and we all know how important is this when you join a new group.

 

I would say is to get them down a alley way without their "Little" gang and then give them a good punch in the nose, but i dont think anyone would sink to that level, not even me for that matter, but the best way to get bullies off your back is to face them, not hide away like most people do, because then they will think they have you under their control by uses of fear, but if you face that, that control disappeared, it a whole new concept of facing your fears

 

Find out his flaws, and use them to put him down. Bullies are all very insecure, that's why they bully. If you can knock his ego the same way he tries to knock your's then he will back off straight away. That's always worked for me in the past, confidence is the key (and a collection of witty come-backs and put downs).

 

The fundemental question here, IMO, is whether or not the guy is popular.

If he's popular, then sorry mate, but any action you take will backfire. I hate to be a pessimist but that's the way the cookie crumbles. All I can recommend is avoiding him.

If, however, he's the type of guy that attempts to act like the local hard man in an attempt to get popular but actually just makes an idiot of himself (and by this I mean the "in crowd" think he is an idiot, all bullies are idiots) then some kind of action may be possible.

This is because he will not be able to rely on the backup of a big group of mates if 1) you make witty comebacks and he decides to get physical, 2) in response to his bullying you hit him back and do him over, or 3) you go to a teacher on him so he decides to get you outside of college. If he is popular, I can 95% guarantee that any attempt to resist his attempts at bullying will only make things worse, as they will all gang up on you. Like Choconutjoe said, bullies have egoes, and they will go to great lengths to defend them; and yes, that includes getting all of their mates together (they don't see doing this to avoid a one-on-one fight as cowardly).

This guy sounds like he's a loudmouthed pleb that everyone else probably hates as much as you do, in which case you shouldn't have to worry too muhc about retaliation. But even then, don't go looking to start fights - however angry and justified you may feel - because those who live by the sword die by the sword whether they're right or wrong. By all means don't let him just push you around, but if you can avoid a physical confrontation. Another point is that you also have to consider what others will think of you. If you fight him and win, you will be punished as the aggressor whether you actually started or not.

I hope it all sorts out for you, just remember to take care of yourself and sometimes that means biting your lip and swallowing your pride for the sake of the greater good, i.e. your health and your education.

 

One time when i first started high school, these 2 older guys were being smart asses to my mate. So i got my potatoe cake which was covered in sauce and i threw it at one of the punks. That really ****ed him off and he bullied me for about 1 year. He always made psyhical threats against me. I even had a class with him which was pretty bad. I just ignored him everytime. I looked the other way and never said a word.

Coming up to 7 years ago that it happened now, i can gladly say i got my revenge. I'm currently studying Computer Science at a University, while he drives around all day looking for friends to smoke marijuana with. Yay for you **** kicker!

These things have a way of working themselves out.

One time though a mate got bullied. The bully even pulled a knife out on this guy. So as we went to class i saw my mate run out of the school. 10 minutes later he comes back with hid dad and went to the principle. It stopped from then on and my mate wasn't put aside as a pussy. I guess it's jsut luck of the draw.

My advice would be to put up with his ****, he'll probably end up giving up. How fun can it be to tough talk someone who ignores you? Keep at your school work and when you see him in a crack house 5 or 10 years from now, you can have the last laugh.

 

i fhe's a bully then he is a coward, picking on people who are smaller, weaker than him. just look him straight in the eye so that he knows you cant be picked on...hell move on to someone else bacause he wont find it easy to pick on you.

 

hit him...

in public with his gang there

what ever happens, happens.. don't give up in the fight if it comes to it

Boris
London

 

Just say to him that you are sick and tired of him harrassing you and you do not think he is being fair with you and you have mentioned it in passing to a few thousand of your martial arts friends from around the world and they are concerned that he is picking on a friendly inoffensive guy, see what happens or ask him for his e mail address and if enough martial artists contact him perhaps the power of numbers may make him think twice.

 

Kinda had the same problem -

Guy, bigger than me, bully, always wanted to fight me, had a few friends around. This went on for about three years. Never came to blows, but the threat was there and real. One day, out of the blue, he said something to me. No one around - just us. I walked up to him and said "let's go." He looked at me and walked away.

We became "lite" friends later. He died a year or so ago. I was the only one of his "friends" to show up at the funeral.

This won't help, but the thread reminded me of him...

 

Would be the best option unless a) his mates are with him, b) how far will he go to back up any recourse of actions that he threatens. I understand why you should do this, but kids these days...They are little wotsits, and will probably jump him like the hyenas they are.

I would just stand up to him, and do whatever you got to do. Like Boris says, DO NOT BACK DOWN, unless it is clear that you are going to take a pasting.

 

Fear not, this problem is easier to deal with than you think.
I'm big and strong and don't tend to get people trying to physically bully me - but everyone's as subceptable to the verbal kind as anyone else.
If he does this to everyone, and isn't on at you all the time then the best thing to do is take it on the chin and act like it doesn't bother you (p.s. if you sit there pretending to be looking at something else, 'ignoring' him, he'll know he's getting to you). Respond as if it's a friendly joke. This could be just the way he is, so he won't go too hard unless he finds someone he can really wind up.

If it gets to the point where he badgers you constantly then find out who his friends are (he's going to look to certain people for accreditation when he makes his jokes/remarks). If you have any opportunity to talk to them on their own, say to them that the way this bully goes on bothers you (one-on-one most people are pretty reasonable) and you don't like the way he talks about everyone behind their backs. Plant the seed that he jokes about this friend behind his back too. Repeat this step on a couple of his friends and watch it take effect (p.s. can't be too obvious with this or they'll cop on).

If all else fails you can act like a total phsycho and kick the living sh*t out of him at some random opportune moment... or jock him, that's a good one too, especially if it's cold.

 

For me this has always been a question of attitude and self belief. You'll notice that these idiots don't go for confident, self assured people.

Unfortunately there are no quick and easy answers.

IME ignoring it is a good start, but only if you have friends that you can talk to about it. Find ways of raising your own confidence and self belief. This should negate much of the fear. This is the door that bullies use, so close it.

Unfortunately some like to get physical in order to prove themselves. I would recommend reading some of the stuff in the Self Defence forum to assist you.

Other than that I would recommend speaking to those in authority and to your parents, to get their advice and support. I'm not saying this will solve the problem, but it should give you a few more options and support. The upside is also if the guy does get physical and you decide to fight back, your parents and those in authority will know why you acted the way you did (this may not help, but its better than trying to explain after the fact). You will also be better prepared and informed about the possible consequences of fighting, should it come to that.

Good luck.

 

Also, join a club in college (maybe they have MA clubs there?) - this is the probably the easiest way to meet up with people and make friends. I hate to talk so strategically about it but if you have a group of friends it puts you in a stronger social position. What I mean is, if this guy is popular, and you have not many friends and are attempting to hang around with him and his friends - this puts him in a position of power over you. F**k him - get different friends.

 

I think the first thing I would check out was his relationship to the others. If they are condoning this behavior than you might want to run with a different crowd. Always take up for yourself, but I try to avoid situations like this when I can.

 

find somebody else who hates this guy (i don't care how popular you are, everyone has at least 1 enemy) and work out a way to humiliate him in public, as long as its not physically violent you won't get in any big trouble at your school and the bully will hopefully get the message that you are not afraid of him, as long as you have someone else to back you up he shouldn't cause you too many problems, its when a bully can really isolate someone that they are in trouble. Of course the ideal solution would be to avoid him but i know that this doesn't always work, especially in a place like school where everyone is stuck indoors with each other. Just remember that people who are "friends" with bullies are usually just trying to look cool cos they hang around with the popular or hard guy, once the bully is made to look stupid they are just as likely to abandon him....

this is what i would do anyway, i believe it worked for a friend of mine a long time ago

if all else fails you can sink to his level and spread a few....comprimising rumours, and remember that photoshop can be a wonderfuul application.

 

Ignore him. I know its hard; in your place I would probably kick him in the berries, but if you ignore him, then he'll go away. BUT, once he lays a finger on you, you can give him a nice palm heel to the ribs. Strike once only, make sure it counts. When he drops, walk away. You'll be clean, just say he attacked you, and you only made one blow.

 

Who's up for a trip to Romania? Mwuha! The whole of MAP turn up on this guys doorstep. That'll sort him out!

Seriously though, I would just do what Nrv4evr said. Ignore him until he attacks you.

 

well, thanks guys for all the tips and support. I know the whole situation is a psychological battle. It's not a fight about who is stronger, it's about who looks stronger. I realize that a fight is the last thing I need but I'm prepared for it.
[/QUOTE]
the best way to get bullies off your back is to face them, not hide away like most people do, because then they will think they have you under their control by uses of fear, but if you face that, that control disappeared, it a whole new concept of facing your fears

If he's popular, then sorry mate, but any action you take will backfire. I hate to be a pessimist but that's the way the cookie crumbles. All I can recommend is avoiding him.

 

it seems I have missused the QUOTE function so here's the right post

well, thanks guys for all the tips and support. I know the whole situation is a psychological battle. It's not a fight about who is stronger, it's about who looks stronger. I realize that a fight is the last thing I need but I'm prepared for it.

that's what I'm going to do. I'm not going to provoke him but I won't hide either.
The next time I'll meet him I'll just talk to him and ask him what's his problem with me. I'll tell him that all that talking behind my back makes him look really bad and everybody thinks that (of course I can't really know that but I'll just bluff) so it's in he's interest to act like a human being

you are right but things aren't so bad. I mean, at training I get lots of punches and kicks so this time shouldn't be too different. Plus I don't walk alone on dark and deserted streets so if he wants to kick me he will have to do it in public. With all those witnesses it won't be hard to charge him with assault and from there the authorities will take it.
Plus, I notices this guy threatens people when they respond to his "jokes " so next time I'll make sure everybody will hear that he threatend my ( and maybe even exagerate a little) so if a fight starts I'll just say thay in the last few days he kept threating my life and I have plenty of witnesses and I was just defending.

@redsandpalm: you are a genius Divide et impera, right. I'll try to talk to some of his "friends". I've noticed they just tolerate his attitude but don't agree with him,; theyr are just hanging around with him because he LOOKS stronger and cool. I hope I can get a few words with them. Maybe I shall start some rumors about him. Any ideas?

 

find his weak points and if he says anything to you use it. Try to have friends their for support so what if he has mates i am sure you do to. If he is on his own and starts on you remember he hit you first so sort him out good and proper and make sure he doesnt pick on you ever again. If your worried about getting expelled leave it till after school or off school grounds.