This has usually proven to be a difficult subject, especially for children and teenagers, let alone adults. I can't stand bullying in any form, but the advice to give to people is very difficult. In my work it is usually the vulnerable who get bullied, the reasons they are chosen are as vastly different as the people it happens to. It is often very difficult to get through the social implications of being regarded either as a whimp who can't fight thier own battles, an informant (grass) or both. I would imagine that this problem with adults would be even harder with younger people. From memory being young has an additional problem that adults don't face (unless they are in prison). Often they are in a system, usually education, that has a policy that it can not support any sort of violence, regardless of the reasons. So what should we advise our children/teenagers to do? What are the real consequences of the advice we give?
any advice involving talking and understanding the problem of bullying is, to quote Baron Munchausen, lies and balderdash. 99.9% of the time, talking is worthless. as much as we would all like to believe, we can't talk ourselves out of positions where people want to demean us. they think they're stronger, and talking won't change that. even by verbally standing up for yourself, you'll just get yourself in more trouble. so, the obvious choice is physical violence. you're still screwed, because all you'll be labelled is ruining someone else's fun. the degradation of MA isn't exactly helpful either. what to do then? either way you lose, so you have to take the lesser of two evils. endure the crap, but lose your dignity, or fight back, but be branded a violent freak...
What about informing the authorities, who ever they might be? Surely there are other solutions to physical violence? What if your child is not able to fight for one reason or another?
the only possible scenario i can think of where the authorities can stop it is wearing a tape recorder to record the threats. even then, they'd probably come back to harass you more once they're out of the slammer.
Ah. I see where you're coming from. My particular concern was the advice to give to children/teenagers.
for children, stick up. bullies that age normally aren't used to resistance, and even if you snitch, the teachers wil understand. teens, again, not much you can do. if you have to, fight back. talking might work, but i doubt it. another alternative is try to be friendly. most of the time bullies are insecure, so if you can get them to be your friend, as unlikely as this may be, you could really save yourself a lot of trouble.
And bullying continues on into adulthood. Although it doesn't occur with the same frequency and perhaps intensity, it still exists in subtle and some not-so-subtle ways. I see it nearly everyday, done by the folks are are always the one's doing it -- bigger people against smaller/weaker people. Amazing isn't it?
A very hard question and one that can be answered in a million different ways. The truth is that everyone will deal with it their own way - usually the way that is most comfortable for them to integrate into their own personality. Some try to deflect the bully's interest into another (weaker) person, some stand up (eventually) to the bully, some continue to wear the abuse for years at a time. Which way is correct? The issue I've always found to be consistant when dealing with this problem is that the bully has 'issues' themselves that they need to deal with too. If you can get some alone time one on one where the person being bullied and the bully themselves can be stuck together in a room then it's usually worked out. It's hard to bully someone when you realise that they're as human as you are.
I can only tell you what one of our students did and it worked at least one time. she was the new girl at school, and one of the "tough" girls decided to call her out. The tought girl said she had heard that she had been talking about her. Our student said "No I didn't" and walked away. The other girl was furious but it did not escalate. I know (from first hand experience) this cannot always work, but it is definitly worth a try. Not all bully's care who or what you are (my personal bully was my next door neighbor, so he knew who I was). Sometimes the only way out is a show of strength other times it's consistent show of strength. there is no right answer here, it is part of growing up, and learning how to deal with difficult people.
Resurrected to promote further debate. Afterall its had over 100 views, so lots of people must find it interesting.
Jim- Yeah our PE teacher does this but he gives us boxing gloves and calls the nurse! Seriously he does. Which I don't mind a whole lot I mean they give you the option of either going to the principal to talk this out, or you can step into the ring and he always gives the victim the deciding choice. I love the ring cuz there are no real rules just dont kill the kid.
You fellas in England get reruns of the Andy Griffith Show. The Andy Griffith Show was about a small town called Mayberry in the 1960's. There was this one episode where Andy's son Opie (7yrs) was being bullied. Even though his dad was the Sheriff...he knew that his son needed to handle the bully on his own. Long story short. Opie stood his ground. Didn't give the bully his milk money and got a black eye for it....but he was happy
sweet, that's amazing that your curriculum allows that kind of settlement! It... does allow that, right?
I get your point, but I'm not sure I'd agree. I think it depends on the circumstances. When I was at school, many many moons ago *waggles zimmer frame* I was friends (unusually) with one of the more popular girls in class. Unexpectedly and for no obvious reason, she, all her cronies and pretty much everone else in class, started to treat me like I'd just dropped out of a dog's bum. I took it for a while ('just ignore it' my mum had always said), but it just got worse. Eventually I went straight to the girl who I'd been friendly with and just said 'Look, what is your problem?'. Turns out one of her other cronies had told her I'd been talking smack about her (totally not true, which I told her). Problem solved. Everyone else had just been jumping on the bandwagon. Having said that, I was bullied numerous times by other kids after that and given the effect I had when I finally lost my rag and backhanded one of the little bar stewards across the face, there is something to be said for fighting back! As an aside, this is my 69th post......dude.....
Yes suprisingly I believe it does... or if it doesn't the admins of the district sure think it does when they walk in in the middle of this "senseless" violence as one of them called it, though it does help that our PE teacher says, "it's only kickboxing practice." which is pretty cool because I don't have to use my TKD sparring rules! :woo: So I'd say that the bullies get what they deserve when they mess with me or any other kid that feels they can take um down and believe me you tick off even the smallest wimpiest kid in the school he'll get you back in the ring. I've never had this happen to me, but I've seen what happens to the bullies! Sometimes I wonder if they can still have kids after some matches!!!
I'm the old school Matt Furey Type A personality. What goes around comes around. The kid has to stand up to the bully, and fight him off. Giving the bully a fat lip, or a nice shiner will give him something to think about in the future. I've seen it happen where the bully get's his ass kicked, and he ain't so damn tough anymore. That's just the way it is. "Kick Ass, take names"
Its not easy for teens as if they have a fight they could be done for ABH or even GBH, depending on their age. Its the governments fault really they should actually do something usefull about it, do you know how many teens each year commit suicide because of bullying, the school is starting to turn into ... (someone finish that off for me, can't think of a dramatic word )
A haven of demonic sacrilege tainted by a sinister onset of bloodbaths leading to nothing more than gangrenous corruption. edit: (not exactly a word but I hope it helps)
