First class and anxiety!

Discussion in 'Brazilian Jiu Jitsu' started by SteveP, May 8, 2015.

  1. SteveP

    SteveP Valued Member

    Ok a while back I posted about starting BJJ. I've found the perfect school and I've been to watch an open mat class (thought it was going to be an actual class). Loved the look of it and spoke to a few guys there including the instructor and they were all super-helpful.

    My issue is I struggle with new situations and get quite anxious about doing new things, especially in groups of people who I don't know. I appreciate that to a point this is normal and most people just get on with it but I've been wanting to start this class for a while now and I've even driven over there and come home without going in after seeing a lot of cars on the car park! Sounds daft but unless you have experienced levels of anxiety like this it's hard to understand.

    Any tips on how to get my ass into gear and go along to the class this evening and actually go in!? Are classes typically split up into beginners and more experienced? I'm a little worried that I'll be bunched with the experienced guys and my other worry is that I don't have a partner to go with and no one will want to partner up with a newb!

    Like I said, I know it all sounds daft but these are the thoughts in my mind and one of the main reasons for starting an MA is to help myself get over things like this and to become more confident in myself. Especially with BJJ where there is so much contact with others.
     
  2. mjl

    mjl ITF Taekwon-Do (1st Dan)

    That anxiety sounds perfectly normal to me. One of the first times I drove down to my TKD class I arrived at the car park, saw people (eg parents) crowded around the door, bottled it and went back home.

    So, given that I know what you're talking about, take a deep breath, realise there's no time like the present and walk in. Once you're in, that's the difficult mental challenge over with to be honest. Arrive in enough time to reintroduce yourself to the instructor, otherwise it can feel awkward later and if you find yourself unpartnered, don't waste any time, let the instructor know and it's his/her responsibility to sort it out.

    BTW don't avoid more experienced guys - they're the ones you want to partner with and who know how to teach, and control technique/power etc. Certainly in our TKD school, everyone is super helpful like that and if you don't find that tonight then look for a different one.

    One last thing, everyone was a beginner once, the advanced guys normally remember what it was like (and if not they are reminded frequently when nerves kick in at grading/competition time) and at the end of the day most clubs want beginners. If beginners aren't made to feel welcome, they stop going and eventually clubs die out.
     
    Last edited: May 8, 2015
  3. Prizewriter

    Prizewriter Moved on

    Does the BJJ class offer private lessons? Many do. They are more expensive than normal classes, but they are one-on-one. They might get you use to the gym and training.

    Good luck
     
  4. SteveP

    SteveP Valued Member

    Thanks MJL it's nice to know I'm not the only one! Some really useful tips there. I kept on picturing myself wandering around the mat looking for a willing partner but if I'll mention it to the instructor at the beginning that I'm there on my todd.
     
  5. SteveP

    SteveP Valued Member

    I think they do actually, Prizewriter, however oddly enough it's the social interaction that I'm looking for so I feel although it might be easier to start off like that I think I'd actually prefer to jump in. I work on my own all day so that's another reason why I want to start – to get the social interaction.
     
  6. Nachi

    Nachi Valued Member Supporter

    When I first went to the karate dojo, I was a bit nervous, too. I did know the instructor, though. But the second lesson there was a different teacher, so it was a bit awkward, but I introduced myself and felt welcome. The students helped me with new techniques, explained stuff, waited for me to finish when it took me later and were generally nice. The teacher didn't treat me any different than the others. Another student caught me at a bus stop and was chatting with me for some time. The atmosphere was friendly and I realised there was nothing to fear. And after a few classes, I felt like I belong there.

    So I think it may be similar for you, too. It may feel awkward, but why wouldn't a school welcome new students? If someone new comes to our dojo, we try to make them feel welcome and are friendly. No reason not to partner up with a newbie. :)

    In fact, when doing something the new students don't know, someone experienced is partnered up with them to explain.
     
  7. Latikos

    Latikos Valued Member

    I know that as well.
    And it sucks.

    What worked for me (most of the time anyway :eek: ): I contacted the coaches via Email, so they knew I wanted to come.
    With them expecting me, I had to struggle between being a coward and not going in (did that twice as well) or being ungrateful for not showing up (didn't want that).

    To be honest: The easiest first practice were at one of my current clubs, mainly because the person I wrote with before, kinda gave me a kick in the butt via mail, essentially telling me to move my behind and not to hide, because the world can be a mean place.
    For me it worked, because I didn't want him to think of me as too much of a coward.
    (Same person gave a little speech about that problem, after I did my first belt test; I thought I would die :D )

    I'm not doing BJJ, but what I learned pretty fast: You *want* the experienced people to train with you, especially when you're new.

    They usually don't try to push their egos, because they can dominate the new guy; the know better when to stop a technique, even if you haven't tapped for whatever reason (*do* tap out though!); they can help you with little advices; ...

    Personally I always prefer to train with someone more experienced; on the other hand that might only be me.

    I pretty much have the same problem.
    And in my case it really got better (started HKD nearly two years ago, JJ roughly one and a half years ago), but don't expect it to work fast.
    It will still need time; at least in my case.
    Maybe you will be more lucky ^^

    I still have trouble attending the entire warm-up part (I get totally nervous and get some sort of "blockade" in my head. Hard to describe); it gets better as well -especially in JJ, because my teacher there would kick my butt- but I'm still a quiet and shy person and certainly not overly confident.

    I never had any problems with bodily contact though, so that never bothered me once.
    Not sure how that might add to your problems.
     
  8. holyheadjch

    holyheadjch Valued Member

    BJJ classes are always welcoming to beginners because it is a growing sport. Almost all clubs will have a handful of people with less than a year's experience, so you are unlikely to be the only newbie.

    You'll probably be partnered with more experienced guys, because they wont be interested in 'beating' you.

    It will be really tiring. Like, dinner-trying-to-make-an-encore tiring. But it's the same for everyone at the beginning. Just try to relax and enjoy yourself.
     
  9. Smitfire

    Smitfire Cactus Schlong

    I've suffered with anxiety all my life so can sympathise...BUT...this may sound harsh...the only answer is to do it.
    I don't have any tricks or strategies really.
    At some point you'll just have to do it. Or not. Either your desire to do it will win or your anxiety will win.
    It really is up to you which gets the upper hand.

    Quite honestly every time I've been anxious in martial arts, gradings, sparring, competitions, etc the reality has always been a lot easier or better than what my brain was imagining.
    I guarantee that will be the case with you and BJJ too. :)
     
  10. SteveP

    SteveP Valued Member

    Well if my first class is as encouraging as this thread then I'm in good company. Thanks everyone for all the tips and it really is nice to know I'm not the only one with anxiety about starting.

    I know I'll be fine once I'm in there, it's making that (large) step through the door.
     
  11. SteveP

    SteveP Valued Member

    That's always the case isn't it, it's so odd that we create these really horrible scenarios in our heads when we know, from experience, that the reality will be a pleasant experience. It's a challenge in life that I'm determined to learn and grow from.
     
  12. greg1075

    greg1075 Valued Member

    Just take the plunge and go in. What else can you do? Level splits depend on what the instructor's plan for the class is as well as who/how many people show up. There's nothing else to do but relax and go in. For you to get less nervous, you need to develop a familiarity with the guys there and you can't do that without interacting with them. You might be paired with someone better than you, yes. That's part of the journey just like being paired with a newbie is also part of it for the other guys, whether they like it or not - so don't worry about it. If someone is being a "you're beneath me" schmuck, they have a lot a BJJ growing up to do.

    So, in short:

    [​IMG].

    !!
     
    Last edited: May 8, 2015
  13. SteveP

    SteveP Valued Member

    Well I went along and I got out of the car and went to the door... and it was locked. I waited around and another chap turned up and we both waiting for 15 minutes but no one turned up. This evening's class wasn't on. The other guy wasn't sure if it was cancelled yesterday as he wasn't in yesterday's class but said that Friday's is always really quiet.

    Dammit I plucked up the courage and everything! Grr. Ok, Monday. I'm doing it.
     
  14. Pretty In Pink

    Pretty In Pink Moved on MAP 2017 Gold Award

    Hey, you did the hard part! Next time will be a breeze :)
     
  15. MaxSmith

    MaxSmith Valued Member

    The great thing about being a beginner is you're not expected to know anything, you're not expected to perform well, and outside of the rare exception people are more than happy to help you learn.

    The main place people usually get tripped up is their own egos. Check that at the door and chances are you're going to have a really good time.

    To echo what Chadderz said above, showing up is the hard part, and you've already managed it. Downhill from there.
     
  16. SteveP

    SteveP Valued Member

    To be honest once I got out of the car I felt much better. I guess it's about having momentum and once you get moving it's easier to keep moving! That and actually making the decision to go in.
     
  17. furinkazan

    furinkazan Valued Member

    as a fellow anxiety/depression sufferer who just came back from BJJ, I have a little understanding of your situation.

    The good thing I found was mine was a 1-to-1 since my sensei stopped teaching open classes due to being sick of people not turning up in the summer.

    If the instructor is decent, he will introduce you and the guys there will show you what to do before going full on at you. Theyre unlikely to throw you against a no-holds bar master right off, thats silly and bad business to scare people off. BJJ can be quite a friendly atmosphere from my understanding, but try to take a deep breathe and remember, youre all there to train and have fun
     
  18. Conure

    Conure New Member

    Hi Steve,

    I was really nervous (I also get anxiety quite badly, though it comes and goes) the first time I went to a class. Maybe ask a friend if they'll join you for the first lesson? That makes a big difference.

    On a side note, though I've only been doing it a month, turning up to Muay Thai has had a massive impact on my anxiety for the better. I find that throwing yourself into these situations can help a lot.

    What are you actually anxious about? Meeting new people? Sucking? I suck a lot as I'm new, but I've found people hugely supportive, and patient. I think the fact you're not turning up with a big ego will probably be a very good thing :)
     
  19. Pretty In Pink

    Pretty In Pink Moved on MAP 2017 Gold Award

    Martial arts are good for mental health if it's a good gym. Helped me a lot wih my crippling depression. That and good friends :)
     
  20. SteveP

    SteveP Valued Member

    I always get anxious about new things, the unknown, being out of control and mixing with people I don't know. I'm always really sociable once I get stuck in, though.

    I end up watching loads of videos to try and find out what to expect but that often makes me worse as they don't tell the whole story. The longer I leave stuff the more I big it up in my head. Damn brains, better off without 'em! Haha.
     

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