Getting into a relationship with someone you aren't attracted to

yes I have to learn to love myself first

 

I don't find her generally pretty. I would say she is average looking.
A normal person with good and bad days.
She doesn't have big curves. She is slim, but that's beside the point.
She is a lot better than some of the girls I fell for in the past. That's for sure.

I agree with you that honesty is important, but not full disclosure.
Even in intimate relationships we should keep some things for ourselves, me thinks.

I am of the same mind with Ero-sennin on this. Why make her feel bad?
The point is to get into her by being more close to her for some time.
Saying something like that would only build more distance.

Interesting video! It makes sense, but as you said it's not everything.
If that was the case the attraction would always be mutual.

Funny thing is that the girl that inspired me to make this thread, is the complete opposite of me both physically and character wise, which probably makes her a perfect match considering genetic variability and all.
I guess her instict is better than mine.

Αs I said in my opening post I was just wondering if it's possible to grow feelings for someone very gradually, by giving her/him an honest chance.
I don't see how is that equal with exploiting them.
Even if you do love someone you can't give her/him any guarantees that one month or even one week from now you will feel the same way.

Anyway, from the day I made this thread, there wasn't any development.
I didn't make that call I was considering to do.
Partly because of learning the experiences of others, like in the thread here and partly to stress related to my studies.
It might be for the better.

 

Personally I think a relationship should have a foundation of trust.

Going into a relationship I'm not attracted to would be deceiving that trust, because it's more using a person.

In case both(!) parties know of that arrangement (and are old enough, which I just take as a given here) - that's fine and their decision.

If only one party knew about it, it's a bit like lying towards the other for egoistical reasons.
I'd prefer honesty; and I were told "I can't tell yet", time would show what would happen or not happen.

 

Be fair and honest to yourself and to her as well. If she loves you then i think you should go for her , physical attraction is just a secondary thing. The primary thing that matters is your mantle understanding. do you guys have a mantle click with each other? do you love to spend time and date each other? do you feel happy and relaxed in her presences? these are few tips that gonna help you decide about your relationship future.

 

Soooooo . . . . . what's the gossip on this one man :whistle:

 

Haha slow night ero?

 

Just going to skim the surface here.

You will find that as you get older and have experience with dating priorities begin to change, it's no longer the (visual) 'Perfect 10' you seek first and foremost. Sure, on the surface the Jason Momoas' and Jeffrey Dean Morgans' of the world are nice to have sitting on your shelf but after the novelty wears off where do you go from there?

When you're ready for a genuine relationship you delve deeper and find that most fulfilling, attractive and fundamental connection is what this individual has to offer you and your relationship long term; mental stimulation, goals, communication, hopes & dreams, similar interests, morals, you pay close attention to how they treat your loved ones, friends and yes (if you have a desire to have children one day) how they interact with children, (the list goes on and on) and it all becomes far more superior than that trophy.

Now, I'm not saying that every decent human being on the inside that you are compatible with resembles Chewbacca physically because that's not the case at all, what I am saying is that that '5' has the potential to become your '10'.

 

I say be honest with her and keep things as friends. Platonic friends. Spend time with her as you would any other friend. Being honest with her will help to keep her from being fixated on you (hopefully), so that she doesn't miss the opportunity of meeting someone she is more compatible with in that regard. Who knows, over time your attraction to her, may grow. If not, no harm, no foul.

 

I have a lot of body hair, and I resent you for your Chewbacca comment.


cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry


Also, WHAT HAPPENED MADAO?!?!?!?!?!?! Jeez man.

 

Cut me some slack. If I said R2D2 people would have assumed that I was talking about short, bald individuals.

 

Stop making fun of future me with bone degeneration!!!

::angry future beeping::



:baby::baby::baby:


D)

 

Jeeze. I can't win.

 

Don't worry, some days I wake up and can't win for losing. Just the other day got two hours of sleep, my Redbull wouldn't wake me up, I couldn't find my phone, and I grabbed a shirt out of the drier thinking it was inside out so I turned it right side out only to find out I turned it inside out :cry:

You're not Chewbacca or R2D2 . . . . so I think you're actually winning -_-

 

Awww, yet lol. Did you notice that your shirt was inside out after you left the house?

I'm in the same league, I resemble a gamorrean or an ewok or anything short really. Yub yub.

 

Sorry for leaving you hanging bro!

Nothing happened.. Since I made the thread we met only a couple of times with her, in a big group of people and I kept my distance.
Never called her either.

Not because I thought it was a bad idea like the majority of the posters here think, but mostly because psychologically wise I am not very well.

So I will never know how things would end up with her I guess.

 

Finaaallllllyyyyyyy. I can start going about my day without wondering what happened nagging at me! I feel like a great burden has been lifted from me!

Sounds like nothing awkward and uncomfortable resulted in the end, which is always a win in these kinds of situations!

 

No. It was a tank top and all my tank tops have a little C emblem on the chest that looks funky if it's inside out so I caught it. I only ever walk out the house with a shirt inside out if it's a regular shirt. If I wore regular shirts more often it would happen a lot though 0_0

Awesome. Now I can look down my nose at you because I'm not future, short, beeping me yet. Tut, tut.

 

I never had a relationship until after college. I met my wife at a recreational volleyball tournament because a mutual friend had asked some people she knew from high school (me) and college (her).
We saw each other and that very instant 'shazaaaaammmm' lightning bolt love at first sight for both of us.

Before we started living together we'd discussed all things that we deem important in life and figured out that we shared the same goals and the same core values. We are pretty different, but we're like the different sides of the same coin. Married for 14 years now.

You never know when the lightning will strike.

 

Actually I wouldn't automatically say it was a bad idea. Because if your relationships follow a bad pattern, your only way to having a good relationship is breaking the pattern. If a woman is attracted to bad (for her) men time and time again, her only way to a happy future is to break with the pattern that leads to those abusive relationships.

 

Well played. My experience is very similar, and just to add, the lightning can strike when you least expect it. With me it just happened all of the sudden and everything fell into place. Been happily married for 11 years, together for 14, and have an amazing little family together.
I had a couple of serious relationships fail previously to this but looking back on them I now see that I tried too hard to seek out what I thought was the perfect woman for me. Of course when I did that they all turned out to be crazy. Lol. If you just relax, get out there, be yourself, and meet people, it will happen. There is someone for everyone no matter how screwed up you think you are.
One thing I can say about my past mistakes; if you have reasonable doubts about someone I highly suggest listening to them and sparing yourself future trauma. Plus, don't do the majority of thinking with your little head. Think with your big one.